Already unbearable to marry: how they are looking for a husband in different countries

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Stereotypes about the need for marriage at a certain age are characteristic not only of our country. Each has its own "troubles". And not only with regard to age, but also when choosing a spouse. Galina Karaseva, General Director of the "Impulse" marriage agency, shared with us how and with whom it happens.

This fall I had an interesting conversation in Germany with a German couple. We discussed the topic of marriage. The guys friendly talked about their relationship, in which they have been for more than 7 years. When asked when they were planning a wedding, the young people laughed cheerfully and said that they did not even think about it. To my sincere surprise, they asked me the question: “Is it so important in Russia? Do people get married so early / get married?"

And, you know, I was really thinking, but what about us ?!

Ever since my student days, I clearly remember how girls in my faculty were divided into two camps. Those who were eager to get married as soon as possible, because 27 years foreshadowed old age, loneliness and cats. And for those who did not even think about marriage, and maybe even were afraid of such responsibility.

For example, in Asian countries such as China, North Korea, Mongolia, young people already at school begin to look closely at each other. By the age of 25-27, the choice of a life partner must be made, and the sooner the better. Family and marriage are the main values in these countries. They approach the choice of the second half with intelligence and calculation. First of all, they look at the applicant's external data: not too short, not too thick, not too thin, good hair, facial features, thick eyebrows, big eyes, etc. Next, they study the pedigree and material wealth of the candidate: who are your parents, what wealth the family has, the presence of an apartment and a car is also taken into account, is there a prospect of a prosperous life. After all this, they already look at your behavior, manner of communication. As a result, if the applicant is good enough, there is a great hope that he / she will be married.

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Terrible, isn't it ?!

There is, of course, another example, our dear neighbors from Europe . On the contrary, they are in no hurry to formalize their relationship. At the age of 30, they feel like they are still 20 years old and are sure that their whole life is ahead and they have nowhere to rush, and even more so with the choice of a partner. Fast dates, friendly meetings, online dating and, of course, free relationships are very popular there. They believe that it is not necessary to burden each other with a serious relationship, when you can communicate and sleep with whoever you want and do everything according to your desires. And then, when the time comes (no one knows when that time comes), you will enter into an exclusive, serious relationship. It doesn't smell like marriage. The divorce rate is very high there. The maintenance and education of a child is an expensive pleasure. Young people see more bad than good in marriage. Duties, responsibility, family life, children - all this causes fear and desire among Europeans to delay this moment.

Responsibilities, responsibility, family life, children - all this causes fear and desire among Europeans to delay this moment.

Not the best outcome either …

But there is also a third party. I have a Israeli friend who fled to Moscow hoping to find freedom of choice here. A beautiful girl told me that Jews and Arabs very rarely choose their future spouse on their own. Most often, your parents choose your life partner. From the moment of adulthood, a young man or girl is offered candidates (photo attached), with whom he / she can meet and communicate, if young people like each other, then the young man presents a ring with a proposal. The girl, in turn, can think and refuse, leaving the ring for herself. If the choice turned out to be unsatisfactory, young people are introduced further down the list to other applicants. Sometimes the choice can be delayed, and there may be no candidates left.

But what about us?

And we have it in different ways. Russian mentality is unlike any other … It is difficult to attribute a Russian person to one or another group. We also have early marriages, and there are successful and beautiful young people who are terribly lonely. And now, unfortunately, there are more and more of them. What this is connected with is difficult to say. Some say that Russia has a terrible demography, there are many times more women than men. Although, according to real estimates, by the 21st century, the number of women and men has almost equalized. It is rather a post-Soviet myth that is still popular today. Others say that the difference between a man and a woman has completely disappeared. It became unclear who should look after, take the first step and be the head of the family. A woman in modern Russia has ceased to be a family hearth, now she is a strong role model, just like a man, who can independently earn money, make a career, but at the same time give birth and raise children. Or maybe this is a strong influence of the West, where society urges not to rush to marriage, promotes the image of free people (but still terribly lonely). Whom to obey and with which model to agree in this case?

Russian young people should not be guided by the experience of the past generation, try to copy the models of other countries, first of all they should remain themselves. For a long time in Russia, family and home have been the main components of a happy life, and it is not surprising that, despite such strong changes in society, on an instinctive level we try to find our soul mate and start a family. You should not go against your nature, your mentality and be afraid to take the first step. Only we have such freedom of choice and such a strong desire to create something as beautiful as a family.

Today there are so many opportunities to meet your love. Whether it's dating sites, friends' parties, dating agencies, or just casual get-togethers, don't miss out on the opportunity to be happy.

Especially if this happiness depends on us!