Dizzy with Success Vol.2

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

The dependence of the individual on the opinion of the majority, the inability to defend his point of view, lack of faith in his abilities - this is conformism. A conformable person often turns out to be dependent, obeys each and every one. His behavior is based on obedience and imitation. He is flexible not due to reason, but due to adaptation - to circumstances, to a leader.

This is not about you? I'm sure. And not about me. It's about Anya, my classmate! She shows her conformity in any dialogue. Ani does not have her own point of view. She prefers to listen to the discussion, nod in fascination and move her eyes from one interlocutor to another, as if watching a tennis set. She agrees with those who say at the moment: "Yes, yes, you are absolutely right. Yes, yes, I think the same way. Exactly! Right!" From little things to more. Choosing a university after my sister, choosing a specialization after a friend, choosing a job … Anyway, those around them know better how to do the right thing, even if they make decisions. Such people are diligent performers, they carefully carry out any assigned task. But they never go beyond their competence.

But here, too, there is this banal "second side". The word itself was a discovery for me. Rigidity. Conformity is regularly discussed. It is even condemned as a negative quality. Therefore, this rigidity is a virtue? Here is what the dictionaries answer to this:

Mental rigidity - insufficient mobility, switchability, adaptability of thinking, attitudes in relation to the changing requirements of the environment, that is, such a state of a person when, for various reasons, he is not able to correct his actions in a changed situation, change the previously planned program of actions in connection with new circumstances requiring its restructuring.

While conformism is opportunism, thoughtless adherence to general opinions, fashion trends, forced acceptance by a person of the norms and values of a group under the threat of losing this group or his position in it.

On the surface, rigidity is the exact opposite. Own point of view, willpower to defend it, courage, energy, activity. Living according to your own laws and considerations, following the principles. In fact, rigidity is the second face of the same complex. The line is very shaky. Rigidity - lack of plasticity, stubbornness. The logic of such people is always black and white, the opinion is polar. His installation: all fools, I alone stand here all in white. He is convinced that he knows everything better. That is why rigidity is a professional trait of some lawyers and educators. This is where the danger of stagnation manifests itself. A rigid person ceases to learn new things, to learn - after all, everything is clear to him anyway. He will oppose most of the principle in order to prove to himself that he is strong and independent.

Psychologist's comment: “Under the influence of rigidity, personality traits such as being stuck, conservative, stereotyped … Rigidity is an ardent enemy of creativity, since it limits the possibilities of seeing an object from different sides, from different points of view, and concentrates the psyche only on its individual aspects. Rigidity also has a negative effect on the flexibility of behavior if conditions change, sometimes quickly and unexpectedly. Thus, during the transition of Russian society to market relations in the economy, many people could not find themselves, their role and place in them. And the main fault in this is rigidity.

But pure types are rare in life. Each of us is conformable. When everyone unanimously assures that the board is dark blue, not dark green, because there is poor lighting and a long distance … Agree, you will take a closer look: "Hmm, it seems to be dark green. Although, maybe, blue, really? Yes, perhaps blue. " And that's okay. As well as being sometimes a little rigid, but only a little.

Do you remember the Stalinist political move - the article called "Dizzy with Success"? Already in the title, he perfectly reflected - success intoxicates. You begin to forget that you cannot be content with what you have achieved. Oh, I'm a smart girl, I got a job in my third year! And I continue to study brilliantly! And I have time for all the fashionable clubs, shops, gyms! Eh, Anya, well, how much will you cry? "Life passes by, nothing happens, something should be done …" So do it, Anya! Look at me - how successful and active I am! Listen here, I will teach you how to live.

Terrible, isn't it? Dizziness. Delight. Delight. In this cycle you forget - success is fickle. We must continue our journey, we must seek, discover, expand our horizons. Without moving further, you stand still.

My friend Alesya is our homemaker. She planned to get married, make a nest, groom herself and cherish, meeting her husband with a hot dinner. Perfectly. Alesya achieved her goals. And it became unbearable. A kind of patronizing tone: "Nothing, dear, and I'll arrange a life for you. We'll find someone worthy. Don't worry. Oh, I understand, everyone wants to be in my place." Oh my God! Yes, I do not thirst to get married yet! And I do not envy, believe me, I live very well. I like to keep up everywhere, to communicate with a huge number of people, not to know for sure how I will spend the weekend, with whom I will celebrate the New Year …

Undisguised complacency is awful, funny. And it tires others very much. But you notice it either from the outside, or when life once again knocks and reminds you. Once walking around the exhibition with Anya, I read her instructions in a mentor's voice. Naturally, she cited herself as an example. A week later, I went to Switzerland to visit my father. And there I met our Moscow guys, who at the age of 23 work at CERN as research workers, buy themselves expensive Mercedes cars and invite their mothers to live in quiet Europe for a month or two at their own expense.

What did I boast about, instructing Anya on the right path in the Pushkin Museum? Finding a part-time job as a translator? That I can buy myself shoes without burdening my mother with these expenses at least? That passed the session with almost "excellent"? Nightmare! This could be considered an achievement a year ago! And since then, what new peaks have I conquered? What have you achieved? I am standing still. If you, like me, realized this, then all is not lost.

You started early on the first rungs of the career ladder. The start is brilliant. You quickly go up, with enthusiasm you take on new tasks, everywhere you strive to learn something useful, to learn new things. You ask the boss to give you additional tasks, even beyond your competence. Everyone is happy with you, and it seems that you are soaring to the sky. Now what? If you more and more often exclaim offended: "All this is unworthy of me! I am capable of turning up financial pyramids!" - and you yourself are not doing anything … Think, have you relaxed? Did you pay too little attention to your development?

If so, then we need to act! Talk to the head of the department - say that you have outgrown your position and want new responsibilities. You can post your resume on the Internet to find additional earnings. Or is it even worth thinking about a job that you were previously afraid of and aim for?

Or you, such a fatal beauty, explain to your unreasonable friend: you don't need to patronize your husband like that, because the more you are rude to men, the more they become attached. You know better. But take a closer look at your faithful admirer. Do you not notice that he is already on the verge of leaving, arguing that it has become impossible to communicate with you? An egoist, always in her affairs, obsessed with her own irresistibility and exclusivity. He does not see any signs of attention from you, because you always have to run, you have a bunch of other interests, other things to do. Aren't you overdoing it?

You dreamed about this university from the fifth grade. Still - one of the best and most prestigious. Therefore, after admission, there was an amazing period of euphoria, when the sea was knee-deep and the world was at your feet … And when my mother timidly asks why you don’t do a lot of work, you wave your hand and get angry. I am now independent, I am smart - I did the same! The main thing is that November sobered up in time. Just in time for the session.

The main thing is to notice all this in time and change your mind. Do not stay on the same place. Sign up for refresher courses, start learning a new language, or take up the cross-stitching you've dreamed of for so long. So I decided to try myself in administrative work, at the same time sending my resume to an international company, and on Friday I'm going to the performance. And she apologized to Anya. We had such a great time in a cafe with her! Otherwise I have completely forgotten what Anya is an erudite and pleasant companion …