How to become a confident girl?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Sometimes, in order to understand that you do not feel confident and your self-esteem is much lower than adequate, it is not necessary to pass many psychological tests and read articles on this topic. It is enough just to set a very real goal for yourself, for example, to make more money in the new year than in the past, and to listen to your inner voice. If, instead of trying to figure out how this could be done, he uncertainly mumbles: "I can’t … I can’t … Circumstances are superior to us …", then the diagnosis is obvious.

After all, the main feature of an insecure person is the unwillingness to show his own "I" and the conviction that nothing will change from her opinion and actions. Well, what if you are like that? Definitely call yourself worthless, sit in a corner and cry? Of course not. After all, first of all, you are far from alone. I dare to assume (I don’t know where I am so confident?) That most people in our world have low self-esteem, and many of them are powerful in this world. And secondly, self-doubt can be corrected, and low self-esteem can be increased. How, how to become a confident girl?

First, you need to "recognize the enemy in the face", find out his pedigree, understand where this very uncertainty came from, who "instilled" it in you, in what conditions did it bloom violently? Hence, back to childhood!

Originally from childhood

Each born person initially does not have any self-esteem - neither underestimated nor overestimated. This quality is gradually formed in him by his parents and the environment. If someone from your family, with whom you were especially close in childhood, had low self-esteem, then this quality could be "inherited" to you. After all, children, without their own experience, copy the stereotypes of the behavior of others.

Another option, no less common, that generates low self-esteem, is the reaction of adults to a particular behavior of the child. How your parents reacted to the broken vase or the pampering with matches is not hard to guess. Most likely, you were punished, put in a corner, left without your favorite cartoons, etc. But what was their reaction to the drawing or craft you brought, to the desire to share some little joy or discovery? If the answer was something like: "Leave me alone! Can't you see that mom is busy?", "Well, what kind of daub?" or "It would be better if she went and tidied up her room!" - then things are bad. In the case of such a reaction, monotonously negative or monotonously "none," the child loses his bearings and ceases to understand what is good and what is bad, becomes passive. After all, no matter what he does, he will not be praised anyway, and, perhaps, even scolded. Then why do something, create, invent anything at all? True, a monotonously positive assessment ("You always do everything better than anyone else!") Can also lead to a child's passivity in life. Scientists have called this state "learned helplessness."

Becoming an adult, a person "learned helplessness" in childhood continues to feel the futility of his actions, thoughts, and deeds. He refuses his own initiative, feels worse than others, is very dependent on the opinions of others, painfully endures criticism, constantly experiences his imaginary inferiority. And as a result, he does not fully reveal himself, he achieves less in life, spends more time on fruitless doubts and is more often depressed, which cannot but affect his own health and the health of his loved ones.

It's time to act

So, when you know the "pedigree" of your insecurity, it will be easier to deal with it. Although the transformation of a person from completely insecure to super confident is a plot worthy of a fairy tale. But if the matter has not gone too far and the help of a psychiatrist is not yet required, then perhaps these tips will help you align your self-esteem and rethink your attitude towards what you want and can achieve in life. Here are some tips how to become a confident girl:

1. Remember that a confident person is someone who speaks openly about his desires and requirements

knows how to say "no", easily establishes contacts, starts and ends a conversation. But do not forget that this is an abstract ideal, and do not beat yourself up every time you cannot refuse a request to a person you are not most pleasant to you.

2. Avoid socializing with people who constantly make fun of you,

criticize, make you feel inferior. Even if they call themselves your friends.

3. Don't let uncertainty diminish the level of your aspirations

Look for the reasons for your failures in insecurity, not in flaws in appearance or personality.

My classmate Natasha in childhood was considered the most beautiful girl in the class. She was small, white, in a lace apron. Boys fell in love with her, adults admired her, and she herself behaved very regal, as if she wore a crown on her head. With age, she turned from a beautiful girl into the most ordinary girl with a long nose and no outstanding figure. But she did not lose her royalty. And therefore she believes that her handsome husband, who adores her and provides her from and to, is incredibly lucky that he met such a miracle as Natasha on his life path. And my husband, by the way, is of the same opinion. And the point, of course, is not in the beauty and intelligence of the girl, although this is also present, but in high self-esteem and the level of claims.

Perhaps you do not receive something in this life at all because of your supposedly unattractive appearance or unprofessionalism, but because of self-doubt. You just do not dare to pretend to be the most beautiful and intelligent men, to the most interesting job, thinking "what a big deal to me!" And then such a madam comes, with a nose two centimeters longer than Natasha's, but with an invisible crown on her head, and takes everything.

4. Remember your achievements, big and small

For what you have ever been praised by people whom you respect, love, appreciate. (The grandmother, who is still sobbing with affection over your children's crafts made of pine cones, does not count.) For example, my husband sincerely admires how delicious you can cook any, most ordinary dish. The head of the department noted with visible surprise that, despite your youth and frivolous appearance, you had a serious and thoughtful annual report. Do you remember the "most terrible teacher" with whom you, having already answered the question, started talking on abstract topics at the exam, and your classmates then tried to find out how you, the only one of all, managed to get an "A"? Fond memories like these help maintain self-esteem.

5. Do not form your self-esteem only on the basis of the opinions of others

This advice is the most difficult of all. To follow it, you must, firstly, always keep in mind your advantages (see the previous advice) and disadvantages (well, you can handle this without me), so that when a negative "signal from the outside" arrives, sort: what is an unreasonable lie, and what - constructive criticism. For example, the heard whispering of colleagues at work, that she, in the sense of you, "does not represent anything from herself and got a job out of pull" - this is just gossip, with which there is nothing to fill your head with. After all, you yourself know that you got a job on a competition and for two months has not yet received a single comment from the boss. Although no, there was one thing: "You are late today." But this is worth paying attention to. But do not mumble about traffic jams, and henceforth leave the house 20 minutes earlier.

6. Avoid work that invariably creates feelings of frustration

On the contrary, choose cases in which you can apply your most highly developed professional skills. For example, you work well and carefully with numbers, tables, documents, but with great difficulty you find contact with new people. Then do not be afraid to take on serious projects, sitting at which you can show all your talents. And let the one who does it better than you go to sign the contract. If, on the contrary, you feel that people are drawn to you, strive for the type of activity where your charisma can open up and attract not only people, but also their money. Do not be afraid to try what your heart is in!

7. Always be yourself

Remember your personality and develop your best qualities. You deserve happiness as much as everyone else. Answering the question: how to become a confident girl? All that remains is to believe in yourself!