Table of contents:
- We are all tired of being criticized
- There are several "golden rules" that will help you get out of the conflict without mutual humiliation, insults and insults:
Video: Criticism of a person
2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00
Each of us has our own ideas about what our ideal partner should be. Choosing a partner, we forget that there are no perfect people. We do not want to accept our chosen one for who he is, and we strive to fit him "to the model", while forgetting that we ourselves remain far from ideal. Nevertheless, evaluating another person, we seem to measure him to ourselves, to our ideas about life, that is, in this case, we consider ourselves as the standard (!). After all, we exactly "know" how to live, what to wear, what to do, how to think … We criticize and re-educate, make comments and express our dissatisfaction.
We do not know how to forgive weaknesses, habits, do not take into account the peculiarities of character, we constantly try to remake another person "for ourselves." Quarrels arise because of little things: because of the slippers that are not parallel to each other, because of the tube of toothpaste, which the husband squeezes out "wrong" - not from the end of the tube, as "it should", but from the beginning. We do not want to admit the simple truth that everyone has the right to be different, neither worse nor better - just different! With their views, beliefs, weaknesses, habits.
We are all tired of being criticized
As a child, we were criticized by our parents and teachers, the ubiquitous grannies at the entrance. Then - friends, teachers, colleagues, bosses, wives or husbands, even children! And the remarks, teachings, criticism of a person hits self-esteem, hurt his pride. It is not surprising that a person seeks to defend himself, and these processes of psychological defense are activated quickly and unconsciously. Remember how you felt when you were criticized? Even if it was a simple remark like: "You again didn’t sew buttons on my new jacket ?!" What then should he feel when you say: "You couldn't take out the trash can again ?!"
Such remarks, criticism of a person, moreover, a loved one, makes us guilty for what we did not do, and in order to avoid this feeling of guilt, we begin to defend ourselves, transfer the guilt onto another, and a conflict begins. You noticed that in a conflict situation, the words “you, you, you…” are often heard. Criticism continues, the blame continues to be thrown at each other.
Simple advice Try to communicate with "I-messages", in which the words "I, me, me …" are heard, in which you do not give an assessment, but talk about your feelings, expectations. And then the complaint about the buttons not sewn on will sound like this: "I wanted to put on a new jacket tomorrow. I thought the buttons were already sewn on." And the story about the bucket: "I wanted to throw potato peels in the bucket, but it turned out to be clogged. I thought you had already taken it out." And then, in response, you will most likely hear the same "I-message": "I did not have time, I had so many things to do, now I will sew." And: "I forgot, now I will take it out."
Where not human critics - there is no protection from criticism. There is no conflict. We respond to feelings and understanding with the same - feelings and understanding.
In situations where our partner "does not correspond" to the standard, makes mistakes, commits misdeeds that we do not like, we make the most common mistake - we evaluate negatively the whole person, his entire personality - instead of evaluating his deed. Moreover, we estimate it much tougher than he deserves. And again the defense mechanism enters on his part. And again the conflict.
Let's learn to separate these two completely different concepts. Because our loved ones do things we don't like, they don't become bad. They remain loving, kind, caring. But they will become selfish, ungrateful, irresponsible if we constantly treat them like that, if we evaluate them like that all the time. Correctly say, "if you bark at a dog, it will start snarling."
There are several "golden rules" that will help you get out of the conflict without mutual humiliation, insults and insults:
1. Don't blame your partner for conflicts. Figure out what you yourself are to blame!
2. Don't take on the role of a judge! Remember your shortcomings!
3. Allow the other person to be who he is: after all, if you have the right to be yourself, your partner also has the right to be yourself. And if it becomes the style of your relationship, petty quarrels will stop altogether.
4. Remember, you cannot re-educate another person, especially an adult, if he does not want to! Remember your own shortcomings and it will be easier for you to come to terms with strangers.
5. Find the good in your partner. Be able to appreciate his merits, and not criticize. Criticism is the first step on the path of conflict, on the path of humiliating another person.
Elena SMIRNOVA
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How to handle criticism from your boss
Life is such that every employee has a boss, with whom you constantly have to not only communicate, but also listen to criticism from him. Only now criticism to criticism is different. After hearing criticism in your address, first of all, determine its type in order to understand how to react to it