R-r-r-r-irritate

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Imagine: on Friday night, half an hour before the end of the working day, the boss gathers the entire department and declares that he will have to work hard on the weekend. And you were going to do so much! And clean, and wash, and cook, and go to my mother. And the children have been whining for a month and asking to go to the zoo! But it is pointless to object. The mood is ruined. The whole world appears in a black light. Arriving home, you immediately notice that the cat was tearing up the wallpaper again, the husband did not buy potatoes, the children threw clothes and briefcases all over the apartment. Everything seemed to have conspired. A scandal is inevitable …

Or a child is sitting at a computer, building his next empire. And then my mother pesters: "Did you do your homework, cleaned the room, and went for bread? No? So, go ahead, turn off the computer, as much as you can spoil your eyes, get down to business." And the child is accepted, and in his soul it grows and accumulates: these are the wrong parents. Well, what is it? As if all this cannot be done in half an hour. They interfere with life. Do not understand. Irritating, in a word.

And there is such an offensive thing: you and your husband are going to go to the theater for once. They got tickets for a fashionable musical, they paid big money. It was agreed with my grandmother that she would sit with the child. And take your grandmother and get sick - and right an hour before leaving the house. And everything breaks down. It’s good that the tickets weren’t lost - a neighbor went to the theater, she’s childless, she’d caught up and ran.

Everyone knows what irritation is. Everyone experienced this most unpleasant state, everyone somehow tried to fight it. Some people drink sedatives, others try to distract themselves and switch, others disrupt it on the "hot hand", the fourth somehow breathe correctly … but it appears again and again, grows and prevents us from living. So what is this annoyance? Where does it come from and how to deal with it?

There is an obstacle on the way

Irritation is a reaction to an obstacle, a hindrance. If you intend to do something, or to receive something, or expect a certain event that did not happen "due to" any circumstances, where either people or events act as hindrances, irritation appears. It is also irritation because people, things or situations act as irritants harmful to a given situation. By themselves, they are not such, but you just have to create a specific situation where you are interested so that this does not happen - bang! Here it is, hello, please!

Sometimes you ask yourself, "Why is irritation so unobvious?" "Why is it acting so despicable?" "Why is it so hard to deal with him?"

In fact, the answer to these questions is quite simple. Irritability is a step towards an aggressive act in which the situation is not accepted, but there is no way to influence it. Irritability can lead to aggression, but in this case, as a rule, the obstacle and the object to which we are ready to throw out our aggression do not coincide! Yes, yes, usually those people who are simply suitable for her fall into the role of the victim, and not at all the perpetrators of the "celebration". It’s impossible to yell at the boss, it’s easier at colleagues, and at the wife, it’s quite simple. Therefore, irritability affects people who are in no way to blame for the problems that a person has.

Irritability has one more nasty property, which is directly related to the inability to adequately respond to the obstacle that has arisen. This property is to manifest itself not immediately, but some time after an event in which interests were infringed upon. This can happen in ten minutes, in an hour, or even every other day. And "under the hot hand" you will get completely different people, situations, environment.

And therefore, irritability is most often perceived as something foreign that arises in us without warning and no apparent reason: an annoying nuisance, a bad personality trait, an interfering feeling that you want to get rid of once and for all. But, as you already understood, this is impossible. On the one hand, we cannot rush with our fists at any obstacles that arise in our path. On the other hand, we cannot and remain indifferent when our interests are hindered, hindered. When both of these conditions are present, then irritation occurs.

Whom I love I beat

The main thing that needs to be learned first of all: everything can be annoying! No rules and no exceptions. Paradoxical as it may seem, but the closest and dearest that we have can irritate us in the first place - elementary due to the fact that we have a ban on open confrontation: who dares to tell a grandmother who fell with a heart attack what for her you did not go to the theater! This is just some kind of blasphemy!

By the way, in a way, the reaction of irritability can act as a criterion for a value attitude: since a person is annoyed when communicating with you, it means that he does not have the opportunity to explicitly oppose you. Thus, he either feels weak or treats you too well to express his feelings in a more aggressive way.

Find the obstacle

Irritation always sneaks up unnoticed, with a catch. Imagine for a second that something is hurting you, but you cannot find the source of this pain. In this case, the entire environment will instantly turn into a potentially dangerous one. In the case of irritation, everything is about the same: not finding an obstacle that suddenly formed on the way, or knowing about it, but suppressing all possible responses, we gradually discover that everything around us has become hostile, unkind, and evil. It is very important here to understand the true cause of the irritation. Ask yourself as soon as the first signs of irritation appear: what really stopped me ?!

Look around and find the obstacle that appeared in your way, but passed your consciousness. Finding the true source of irritation is the same as if you found the very source of pain: the situation is instantly discharged.

The whole surrounding atmosphere becomes safe, ordinary, non-hostile. Except, of course, the root cause. At her expense, you can think about and make some wise decision. Ask yourself, speaking directly to your subconscious. Do not be afraid to learn about the obstacles that you remove from your mind as possible. If you and your husband really wanted to go to the club, and the child is sick, then this can be annoying. You will be ashamed and blame yourself for this, although in reality it is not your fault. Just understand that the child in this case became an obstacle to your own interests. In many cases, this immediately defuses the situation.

Who is the head in this house?

As a rule, irritation is caused by situations that we do not control, or those that have arisen unexpectedly. In such cases, by the way, the decision is not even made by you, as you are used to understanding yourself, but by a certain part of the personality that denies any possibilities of opposition or considers them hopeless. The action is carried out mechanically, spontaneously. Ask yourself as quickly as possible: how do I feel about this? What am I going to do if it works this way? How do I plan my next steps if the situation has changed? Ask! You will receive the most valuable information that will help you to get out of this situation with dignity.

I wish I knew where to lay the straw …

Try to make a list of common situations that you cannot influence. Well, you can't refuse a friend there if he comes to visit, and you have an urgent business. Or you don’t find it possible to raise your tone of voice even when it’s necessary - you don’t know how to stand up for yourself. You will not dare to fight with your boss for your piece of bread. Find all the prohibitions, taboos, restrictions. They can be the reason for your irritability that seems unmotivated. This is not true. Irritation always has an irritant! And if today you take a fresh look at your typical irritants and creeps that take place, then, quite possibly, tomorrow they will no longer tear you to small pieces.