Overheard conversations

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

You are 25, you are "well arranged in life", but not married. You feel uncomfortable. Is there really cause for concern or is excitement premature?

Throughout the past winter, my girlfriends and girlfriends and I had lovely bachelorette parties in the evenings and weekends. They dabbled in buns, drank tea and coffee, discussed new cosmetics, work and plans for the summer. And of course men. Under all sorts of different sauces: from "how he looked at me!" to "all the men are stupid." Lovely ladies did not spare themselves in noisy debates, vying with each other to express their opinions and tell absolutely true stories from life, asked for help, sought consolation and gave each other invaluable advice. Then suddenly one of them threw in the phrase: “The further you move up the professional ladder, the firmer you become on your own two legs, the harder it is to find a worthy man“to match yourself.”The choice of men becomes less, and those males who live in these layers of the atmosphere, they are in no hurry, for some reason to fall to your slender and strong legs, and in general, it seems, they are not looking for you! " The girls immediately became sad, thinking about the question: how to live, how to create a family, from whom to give birth to children?

According to my winter observations, such thoughts and conversations are very symptomatic. Where 3-4 girls of 25 years old gather, you will definitely hear such conversations, see pensive faces and feel a question hanging in the air, to which everyone is trying to answer.

It all started 5 years ago, when some of the classmates got married at the age of 20 and gave birth to cute little ones, and the other part did not get married. Further, after graduating from the institute, the life of these groups developed, naturally, in different ways. The wives and mothers of the family brought up children up to 3 years of age, then began their career and now live happily ever after, keeping a home and working as best they can. We are always sincerely happy for them. But the cute creatures, who were still absolutely free by the time they graduated from the university, moved in the bulk much further along the career ladder, but they remain free to this day. Yes, romance happens, gifts are received, and sex is a pleasure, but still something is not. And you can already hear the reasoning: either a career or a family; either professional success or a child; I will never marry.

Of course, such a point of view has a right to exist, maybe there are women who do not like and do not want children, but still, most of us, despite our social status and career success, are not at all like that. We need a family, we need children, and we need a strong man's shoulder to lean on in a difficult situation and to which we could press our cheeks on a cold autumn night. That is why you should not independently "program" yourself for a "bachelor" life, because it is not the limit of your dreams.

Rather, on the contrary, you "burned" several times when the love relationship did not develop into marriage and now you are trying to persuade yourself and insure yourself in case of another "failure", you didn’t really want to. I am afraid that by such self-hypnosis you are doing yourself a very dubious service, greatly reducing your own freedom of choice and freedom of behavior.

Why deny the obvious: you need a family. The fact that you have not yet met a worthy candidate for the role of the "second half" does not in itself mean that you are a "blue stocking" thinking only about work or that worthy men in Russia have died out. Take life easier. By marrying not at 18, but at 28, you will not lose anything.

However, several "pitfalls" in the life of clever and beautiful women still exist. First, the career is addictive. As soon as you start to feel the taste of victory, hear the approval, see the results of your labors, it becomes more and more difficult for you to jump out of this wheel, get out of the race. Secondly, which logically follows from the first, it becomes more and more difficult for you to take a step towards meeting your partner, to sacrifice your time or success, to adjust to someone. Indeed, the first time after meeting, everything develops by itself: dates, partings, movies, restaurants. However, after 2-3 months, if the relationship does not fall apart, someone has to change their plans. And then pebble number 3 looms! Having hardened in the battles of life, you have somewhat lost flexibility and plasticity. It is very difficult to be a self-confident "business lady" for 8 hours a day, and when she comes home she instantly becomes a domestic cat. Choosing for yourself one stereotype of behavior, you, most likely, will live in it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. On the other hand, you want to see a man next to you, not weaker, but best of all, stronger than you: so that you earn more, occupy a higher post, make all decisions yourself and bear responsibility (well, he didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, etc.) … Coming home from work, such a man is also unlikely to turn from a "master of life" into a gentle person in the blink of an eye. The situation "found a scythe on a stone" is created. "Pay attention to men who will compensate for your weaknesses and, conversely, will be weaker in some way than you.

Opposites do attract. Consider if you need another "home" boss. After all, you are returning home to rest, relax and feel the love of your closest person, to hear words of support. And not at all in order to measure strength and success with a partner.

"The main thing in a family is your feelings and mutual understanding!" - says the psychologist of the medical center "Phoenix - the third millennium" Olga Vasilievna Zakharova.