Legends and myths about sadomasochism

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

"Fu, what disgusting! And how can you get pleasure from being beaten? - you grimace. - And in general, all these are perversions!" Meanwhile, as Faina Ranevskaya liked to say, perversions are ice dancing and field hockey, everything else is absolutely normal. Like everything unconventional, sadomasochism (or BDSM - bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) has both an army of fans and an army of haters, and it is not known which of these armies is larger. Upon closer examination, an interesting fact becomes clear: many haters of sadomasochism judge this phenomenon only by the numerous myths prevalent among ordinary people. We do not suggest, after reading this article, to immediately plunge into the ocean of vicious passions, chaining a partner to a battery and whipping him with a miniature handbag. However, getting rid of unnecessary delusions is never superfluous.

"And kiss?.."

Valentina is over thirty, she is an attractive, bright business woman. Not many of her entourage know that in fact Valentina is a masochist (or, as it is commonly called in the BDSM environment, "bottom") with experience.

"For me, the most important thing in any relationship has always been my emotions, feelings. Few people realize that BDSM is not a relationship in the style of" fought, slept and ran away ", but, above all, the great trust of partners to each other Allowing another person to bind you, to hurt you, you seem to demonstrate your complete obedience to him. For me, a real man is one whom I can afford to obey. At the same time, it is especially exciting that you bend under your partner, living according to its laws, and on the other hand, you imperceptibly try to recognize the boundaries of these laws, slightly going beyond them. It is so addictive … BDSM couple is always stronger than "vanilla" partners who are not related to the BDSM community), because you get closer with your wrong side, grow to each other, realizing that after parting, you will not open this to others anymore, and then vanilla will be boring and one-time …"

That very "vanilla" in BDSM is usually attracted by the very fact of taboo, but, as a rule, people without an inner tendency to violence or submission do not go beyond the usual slaps on the buttocks or light bites during sex. As a rule, they are still afraid of hurting their partner and immediately think: "Well, that's it, I'm a pervert."

Meanwhile, all adherents of BDSM unanimously claim that they do not consider themselves perverts. They live a life parallel to the whole of society, they have their own secret, and this, as a rule, only brings such people closer together.

"The master appointed me his beloved wife!.."

The main myths circulating around the BDSM scene can be summarized in a few theses.

1. All of them are perverts, promiscuous in sexual relations and preferring either to torture or to be tormented

The wide spread of this misconception was facilitated by the large number of free porn films and erotic sites on the Internet that are freely distributed in any locality. In fact, as a rule, BDSM couples are no different from "vanilla" ones. In this get-together, there are also people who are loyal to each other, and people who prefer variety in their personal lives. They just do it their own way, but otherwise they are just like everyone else.

2. Sad-maso is just sex

In general, options are also possible here. Most BDSM fans are just trying to diversify their personal lives in such a pleasant way for them, but there are also those who live according to the principle of "Master is a slave" / "Mistress is a slave", and this does not prevent them from having children, going to barbecue with friends, work, meet with parents. In the field of relations between the Upper and the Lower, there is also no single scheme: someone makes his slave (slave) wear a collar and a brand with the Elder's name on her body, sit only at her feet and always ask permission to apply (the latter, in general, is not difficult for those who served in the Russian Armed Forces), and someone simply behaves like, for example, your boss at work, and this is also considered domination.

3. These people only get pleasure from being beaten. Or when they hit someone …

This is not entirely true.

"In principle, there are, of course, cases when a person simply, roughly speaking," does not get up "until he brushes someone off," says Kirill Gotovtsev, creator of the About SMLife thematic site, organizer of theme parties, author of articles on this topic. "But usually everyone who is in the" Topic "gets about the same pleasure from ordinary, vanilla relationships as from BDSM."

Simply BDSM is like an additional skill that simply expands your capabilities. And that's all.

4. They're just sick

“In fact, BDSM is just one of the social role-playing games, - says Kirill Gotovtsev. - This phenomenon can be called whatever you like - culture, subculture, community, but one way or another, it was, is and will always be. it never occurs to try to understand why some people prefer to always be on top in sex, while others definitely need a mirror hanging over the bed. the full right to do what they like. As a rule, they communicate with their own kind and do not bring their hobbies to the court of the crowd."

"You probably won't be able to say with certainty that the colleague who sits next to you does not practice BDSM. Only one thing can be said for sure - each of us naturally has a craving for dominance or submission."

Indeed, if you think about it, then nature in every man has a need to be the head of the family, a breadwinner, a hunter, and in every woman - complaisance and patience. Therefore, we can say that we are all a bit sadomasochistic.

5. It is very dangerous

Ira is 23 years old. Her BDSM union with her beloved man broke up three years after the start. “I will not hide the fact that inept domination spoiled my psyche so much that I had to resort to expensive medical help, and I’m not sure that everything will be fine with me now,” says Ira. “But I still have an extremely positive attitude to BDSM. I was just unlucky. I envy those who have the Master, but if someone tries to put the collar on me again, I'll tear my hands off! Although I will not swear …"

The main danger of BDSM, indeed, is not in possible physical injuries - an experienced and attentive partner, even in a state of passion, will never break your arm or knock out your teeth - but in psychological injuries.

Unfortunately, many people use BDSM to deal with their complexes and problems. Such "moral sadists" take pleasure in humiliating their partner, deliberately giving him too much pain.

"This is one of the consequences of a misunderstanding of the essence of the BDSM phenomenon itself, which consists not in humiliation, but in a harmonious union of two opposites," says Kirill Gotovtsev.

Chains and rings

BDSM people are completely ordinary people who, as a rule, do not advertise their hobbies and do not try to impose them on others. However, ordinary people traditionally fear and judge them. This is the fate of representatives of any subculture. In our age of political correctness and tolerance, we still have not forgotten how to condemn those who are different from us. Reading this pathetic phrase, take a good look at that bespectacled little thing that sits across the table from you and constantly talks on the phone in a screeching voice: who knows, maybe tonight she will pick up a whip and, putting on a latex corset, go to have fun in one of the bdsm clubs? The main thing is to come up with a plausible excuse in case you yourself meet with her there.