If the grandmother "spoils" the child

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Six-year-old Maxim disappeared suddenly, as he fell through the ground. Olga Sergeevna remembered that a week ago she saw a group of gypsies in the yard … Cold sweat washed over her, her legs gave way. Overcoming her weakness, the woman rushed to question the passers-by - if anyone had seen the boy in the blue cap. And Maxim at this time was squatting behind the neighbor's "Niva" and watching his grandmother with curiosity. Her shaggy beret slid to one side, her cheeks and nose flushed like a clown's, she, waddling funny, ran up to different people and, grabbing them by the sleeve, said something hotly … Maxim sat a little longer, then got bored and with a loud cry: “Here I am!" jumped out from behind the car …

Olga Sergeevna yelled at the boy, and in the evening she complained about him to her son. Father scolded Maxim and slapped him on the bottom, the boy cried not so much from pain as from resentment. His mother, Olga Sergeevna's daughter-in-law, stood up for the child. The general quarrel was short but violent. And most importantly - all its participants dispersed resentful at each other …

In a modern Russian family, where, according to statistics, only one young mother out of a hundred can afford not to work and take care of children, and the sick leave for childcare makes a substantial gap in the family budget, grandparents are a real blessing. But this benefit is often accompanied by conflicts and disputes. They are based on both economic problems (lack of places in kindergartens, forced cohabitation) and psychological (different views on education, the inability of young people to express gratitude).

Young parents, having shifted the care of their babies onto the shoulders of their mothers and fathers, also want complete control over the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.

Such requirements create tension in relations between generations that can be avoided, says the family psychologist, and concurrently the mother of five children and the grandmother of two grandchildren, Elena Sadovskaya.

- What if the child and grandmother are constantly fighting?

- Do not interfere with their relationship. Children behave differently with different people. With the grandmother, the child may develop an unfamiliar type of behavior. Don't try to change it. A little patience and everything will work out. Besides, your mom raised you, why do you think she can't handle your baby? Usually grandmothers and grandchildren find a common language very quickly.

- How to explain to a grandmother (or grandfather) that a child should not be pampered?

- First, learn to distinguish love from pampering. Remember: mom's heart is maternal, and grandmother's is both maternal and grandmother's. First of all, thank your grandparents for loving your grandchild and discuss your concerns. Parents often complain: “post-grandmother's” adaptation takes about a week. This happens when there are no uniform requirements in families.

But, putting forward your conditions to your grandmother, take a closer look, maybe she, raising her grandson, took into account her mistakes in your upbringing, and should you agree with her?

- If a child is not used to the lifestyle of grandparents, who should adapt to whom?

- This issue is resolved unambiguously and always in favor of the older generation. The child must comply with the regime of the house where he lives.

- What if the child does not obey the grandmother?

- Obviously, the kid feels weak and is trying to "take power into his own hands." A very valuable rule of upbringing - like-mindedness - will help you here. It is advisable to agree in advance with the grandmother about the basic principles of educational policy. At the same time, try to ensure that the child sees your own respect for the older generation and the manifestation of sincere concern for the elderly.

- What to do when parents and grandparents have different opinions about raising children?

- Often, children, having become parents, decide to bring up their kids in a completely different way from how they were brought up. Even in new educational programs developed by scientists, one can find a tendency to reject previous experience. However, in accordance with the laws of development, everything new is, to a certain extent, well forgotten old. Spiral movement forward suggests a return to what was before, but on a different level.

Try not to let your kids hear your arguments about parenting - disagreements between adults put children in a state of stress and only worsen their behavior.

- What would you, as a grandmother, advise grandmothers whom, like Olga Sergeevna, grandchildren "bring"?

- The “finishing-up” games are often started not by cruel children, but by those suffering from boredom. With such fidgets as Maxim, you just need to play hide and seek more often. Set aside an hour every day for this game and look for a longer child. He will be very pleased with how cleverly he hid, and you will rest a little, walking around the yard or around the apartment and saying: "But where have you gone?"

If the child tries to provoke you to play at the wrong time, pretend that you are very busy with business - there will be a “loss” right there.

Do grandparents help you in raising your child?

	Yes, and I am grateful to them.
	We have to use their services, but it would be better not.
	No, but I would like to.
	No, and don’t!

There is no need to complain to parents about the baby and rush with phrases like: "When mom (dad) comes, she (he) will deal with you!" You are an adult and have a responsibility to cope with any situation on your own. Try to find your own leverage over the mischievous person. I think, with the life experience of a grandmother, this is not difficult to do.

Do not cling to grandchildren for trifles. Seek obedience only in what is undoubtedly vital: daily routine, safety … The child should know the word "no", but it should not be abused. You cannot play with fire, run out onto the road, open a first-aid kit, and so on. But if you start to operate with this word every minute: “you cannot throw toys away”, “you cannot shuffle your feet”, “you cannot slurp while eating” - the child will stop responding to the prohibition.

The best way to teach your baby good manners and neatness is by example. I can also address this to young parents.

Don't get hysterical over trifles. The complexity of our life realities is reflected in children. They, too, are alarmed and scared in this world, and in adults a child should see protection, a source of affection, a model of endurance … You have something that neither your children nor your grandchildren have yet - experience and wisdom. Try to show them as much as possible. A grandmothers and grandchildren will always be able to understand each other.