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Video: Is your success his problem?
2023 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-24 12:31
You are so young and already so successful! You have a good job, decent earnings, loyal friends and, most importantly, your beloved man. But what if your successes and achievements do not in the best way affect the relationship with your loved one?..
When a woman achieves greater success than a man, the latter for some reason begins to worry. Self-esteem of the stronger sex is their weak point. Jealousy appears and even a painstakingly concealed resentment, he becomes suspicious and nervous … The fact that we, naive, fragile and defenseless, can do something better does not fit into the heads of men. In order to preserve your love, you need to negate the friction that you may have about this.
It doesn't matter if your professions are similar. As soon as he realizes that you are a more respected professional than him, you can suddenly stop being his “favorite baby”. And become a competitor.
Remember Nicole Kidman's infamous divorce from Tom Cruise? Then in all magazines they wrote that the success of the divorced Nicole in many ways surpassed her success during her marriage. Breaking free from the "dependence" on her husband, the actress has achieved tremendous success. What the ex-husband Cruz could not fail to notice. And Tom's reaction was not at all encouraging.
"With 69 percent of women in America now working, society, even in this feminist country, still sees men as the main breadwinner. And believes that he has the main responsibility for making financial decisions," says Judith Siegel. PhD, Adjunct Professor at New York University School of Social Services and Practitioner.
If you do not want your loved one to be strained by your successes, follow these simple rules:
- Never patronize his work and colleagues. Only respectful. Of course, you have surpassed him in some way, but he should not guess about it! Convince him that he is the best. This is very important for a man.
- Let him know how promising he is. What he has achieved now is just the beginning. Tell me how your friends admire his performance and hard work - it will work. He will certainly want to become even better.
- Support him. Your support, understanding, discernment is what he needs. Even if he does not reach your level, he will not have any negative reaction to your achievements.
- Help him. If you are able to do something for him in the area of his career - talk with his boss, colleagues, help in something in the work itself - never neglect it. You are together to take care of each other!
By the way, a survey of married women on Cleo's forum showed that 87% of men are still genuinely happy about the career success of their loved ones. “My husband asks me every night what happened at work. It seems to me that my success encourages him as well. This is how we both move towards more,”says Ira. “I never even thought to express any dissatisfaction with the success of my wife! We are, after all, one family, strong and happy,”says Andrey. Therefore, if you have any questions about how to combine career and love, our forum will definitely help you!
And the husband of Nelly Uvarova, known to us from the TV series "Don't Be Born Beautiful", to the question "Are you jealous of your wife for success?" answers briefly and honestly: "No, of course, I am a co-author of this success!"
Sole of company
If everyone you know adores you and you never get bored, that's great! You are a bright, extraordinary person. But your popularity may not suit a young man. “My husband forbids me to communicate with male colleagues and friends,” says Olesya, “but he has nothing against girlfriends.”
- If a man doubts the reliability of your friends, introduce him to them. They may not find a common language, but he will know who you are communicating with.
- If they know each other, find out what your boyfriend is not happy with. What are they male? Do not give reasons for jealousy. Call him more often, repeat how you value your relationship, how dear he is to you. With such attention, there is simply no time left for jealousy!
If he doesn't like the fact that you have more friends than he does, try to fix it. Take part in building your man's reputation. Praise him in front of other people, talk about how interesting and unique he is. They will definitely be interested! Run a small PR campaign to support it, and the results will not be long in coming! As a result, satisfied and in demand, he will not express dissatisfaction with your success in the field of communication
“Men clearly have stereotypes of“male”and“female”friendship in their minds. And as for the latter, a girl without girlfriends seems to be an abnormal phenomenon for men, so the more your girlfriends, the calmer he is, "Women are viewed as cooks and homemakers, even if they also work full-time," says Dr. Felton-Collins, author of Marriage and Money: Why Money Affects Love and What to Do About It. Therefore, women usually evaluate success and fulfillment of desires by how well their relationships are in the family, and men - by how much money they have in their bank account."
- says psychologist Elena Mkrtycheva. - But as for friendship between the sexes, be careful here: 80% of men do not believe in it, so your friendly attention towards another man will be regarded by the latter as a "green light", and your husband / boyfriend - as treason or an attempt at it commit."
… And just a beauty
What if you are admired by men, you have many fans, and your chosen one does not enjoy the same success with women? Of course, this has its advantages, you say: less jealousy - more love. But he doesn't like it! Realizing all this, he will go out of his way to prove that the opposite is true. And look, as if he did not accelerate more than necessary! And then you can go too far with "filling your own prices". Your success shouldn't be reflected in your relationship.
If he tries to "awaken" your jealousy, our advice is to give in! His efforts should by no means go to waste: show him that you are concerned about how popular he is.
It may not be entirely true of you, but it will only help your relationship. He must feel needed. After all, the way it is!
In fact, our success makes men happy. They may be ashamed to admit it, but we know! And the next time he expresses doubts about your accomplishments, just hug him and say, "My biggest success is you!"
Who is guilty?
Sociologists of our country, it turns out, have long been studying the problem of the disintegration of happy families due to the success of one of the spouses. On this issue, scientists have formed two points of view.
Some scientists believe that success is contraindicated for women. The lady who started earning more, “turns up her nose”, variations on the theme “I earn and demand” begin. Success makes a person self-confident, decisive, tough. But there is also a downside to the coin - successful people develop such qualities as arrogance, selfishness, arrogance, and vanity. So, on average, arrogance, bitchiness and the "sniffing effect" in women are an order of magnitude higher, experts say. The weaker sex more demonstrates its superiority in relationships with others.
A man will buy a house, a nice car, a beautiful mistress, and he will live and rejoice. And a woman will demonstrate that she is better, cooler, richer, defending herself with an attack, fearing that her merits will be questioned. It is in this effect that the roots of feminism are found (for a male view of this trend, read the article in Cleo).
A study by Top Sante magazine showed that husbands of 44% of respondents expressed their dissatisfaction with the career growth of their faithful. By the way, the percentage of American women who contribute more to the family budget than their strong half is very large (about 30%) and continues to grow. Which is also very unnerving for men who do not want to remain on the sidelines.
There is also an opposite point of view. The woman is the mother and the keeper of the hearth. She needs a good income to raise healthy children, give them an excellent education and create a good atmosphere in the house. In addition, on our shoulders lies the bulk of family concerns, which, like work, requires a lot of time and effort. Unlike men, most of whom immediately after work jump to the computer to play or sit down to eat, we continue to work, creating coziness and a warm atmosphere, and leave the work troubles outside the house. A man, on the other hand, often does not know how to rebuild from a work environment to a home environment, bringing unresolved business problems into the house. Hence, only because of the male unwillingness to maintain peace in the family, and conflicts arise. And, as a result, broken marriages.
In every opinion there is for sure both a grain of truth and an attempt to protect "one's" gender. Try to look at things not subjectively, but objectively. So you will avoid the most important mistake - attempts to "pull the blanket". Good luck!