Flattery and compliment: learning to distinguish one from the other

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Who among us doesn't like compliments? Surely there are no such people. Even if we do not know how to accept them and every time we are embarrassed when someone sincerely admires our appearance or a job well done, we still hope that people around us will notice our efforts and say: “What a fine fellow you are! Others do not know how! However, in the pursuit of approval and praise, we often stumble upon flattery - a pathetic parody of a real compliment. Today we will talk about how to distinguish one from the other and not put on their necks those who really want to derive personal benefit from communicating with you.

Imagine you bought a pair of new shoes - these are amazing flesh-colored pumps that are great for the office - and wear them to work. Colleagues, one by one, notice the new thing and compliment you: “Excellent! Where did you buy it? They suit you very much! " You feel like a real beauty, it won't even occur to you that one of your colleagues is insincere and is only trying to screw up your brains. But everything changes when you come to work in old worn-out ballet shoes, which were bought under Tsar Pea, and they suddenly become the subject of admiration of the girl from the next department. Are you really wondering what she found so beautiful in them? And then you understand: she needs something from you. As a rule, this “something” does not take long to wait, and after the third compliment you will hear: “Could you print several documents on your printer? I will email them. " Then it turns out that there are not several documents, but as many as 50 sheets, and you feel somehow uncomfortable: it seems as if you were used. In fact, it is - the colleague actually did not care what you were wearing today, she would be able to find the right words, even if you were standing in front of her barefoot, and instead of a skirt and blouse, an old sheet would be wrapped around the body.

Her compliments are just a way to appease you and achieve what you want, but certainly not to please you. And the most offensive thing is that you perfectly understood: there is not a drop of sincerity in these admiration, but you still "hung your ears" and followed the lead of the manipulator.

Such situations are common in our life. Flattery and praise, despite the difference in motives and purposes, go side by side, and sometimes it is not easy to distinguish them from each other, because not all compliments relate to new shoes and old ballet flats.

So different

At first glance, it may seem that it is quite difficult to distinguish a sincere compliment from a cynical flattery. Indeed, some masters of their craft manage to hang noodles on their ears so believably that they recognize deception only when the total weight of the “noodles” exceeds three kilograms, no less. But attentive people still manage to catch the manipulator of cunning and not fall for his bait. The main thing is to keep your ear sharp and periodically check whether "pasta" is hanging on it.

Attentive people still manage to catch the manipulator of cunning and not fall for his bait.

1. For a reason. If a person flatters you, then pleasant words will necessarily be followed by some kind of request: "You are so wonderful, so kind, lend money to paycheck." A compliment, on the other hand, implies a desire to say something nice to you, to celebrate your merits, to show your respect.

2. Thought according to the tree. The compliment is usually short and meaningful. It is understandable, expresses one or two thoughts and no more. Flattery is florid, overly admired, feigned.

3. As is. Compliments never contradict the truth. If you tried hard and made a great make-up, then it is quite clear why every second person admires your appearance. However, if you didn’t sleep all night, roared into your pillow and went to work with a dirty head, think about hearing from a colleague: “You are so fresh today, as if you flew to a resort”.

4. It is written on the face. Psychologists say that a flatterer can be recognized without even listening to what exactly he is saying. Such people, as a rule, curry favor with their interlocutor, they are cutesy, their smile is strained or too broad. And in general, all their behavior resembles a theatrical performance. Those who sincerely compliment you do not turn into a bad actor of the local tyuz, look in the eyes and do not worry.

5. Without exaggeration. Flattery is an overly exaggerated reality. Of course, no one argues that you are beautiful, intelligent and generous, but if a person says that you are the most beautiful, only Einstein is smarter than you, and Mother Teresa herself could envy your generosity and dedication, then you should not even doubt: you are flattered. A compliment will never be so overblown.

People say: "Flattery is a compliment, after which you want to wash." In fact, it is: you understand that you have been told something pleasant, but you cannot enjoy it. There is a nasty feeling of being used, which never happens after a sincere praise, which inspires and gives an incentive to move on.