Why does mom need her daughter's virginity

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

It would seem that the times when the preservation of virginity for the future husband was mandatory are gone forever - no one in our time will be surprised by premarital sex. However, there are many mothers who in our time insist on preserving the virginity of their own daughters before marriage, and they do this by rather harsh methods. And the girls, in turn, see no other way out but to obey the demands of their mother. What drives mothers? And why do girls obey?

Let's start with history.

The scheme of occurrence of Tatiana's sexual disorder is clear: the mother could not control oral sex and mutual masturbation, but traditional sex was under control. In the intimate sphere, it is difficult for a person to do something while under the scrutiny of a third person (with the exception of certain deviations). Normally, this activity is only for two. The mother's intrusion into sexual intercourse provoked a strong protest reaction in the girl. The second point: sex in its traditional form (perhaps, the girl's mother did not know other options), she regarded as something necessary, but "unclean". In the words of Tatiana's mother, there was often contempt for sex life. And unconsciously, this attitude took root in her daughter.

Why did the girl obey? If you think about it, it's not at all about the daughter's virginity as such. And in the very type of relationship between mother and daughter. Anything can be a pretext for control.

And it starts like this. The mother, being herself not very happy and not loved as much as she would like (almost obligatory "history" of all overcontrolling parents), tries to create strong dependence in relations with the child. This dependence of the daughter on the mother creates in the mother the appearance of the love that she so would like, but did not have a chance to have. And it is easy to create a strong dependence even in childhood: after all, a child is very strongly tied to his parents, including financially, therefore it is easy to dictate conditions. In this case, a conditioned reflex mechanism arises - after all, for fulfilling the mother's conditions, the daughter receives warmth, adoration and friendship. This mechanism becomes habitual, grows into the daughter, and then it is very difficult for her to refuse the "gifts" of the mother.

Later, when the daughter grows up, another mechanism comes into play - rivalry. There is an unconscious conflict in the child and parent of the same sex. A growing girl, reaching puberty, symbolically displaces her mother from the circle of sexually significant women. Here purely biological factors also play a role: by the time of the maturation of her daughter, a woman-mother, as a rule, is at the peak of her sexuality and is very painfully experiencing the departure of beauty and youth. In practice, I often came across girls and women who experienced unambiguous (but unconscious!) Attacks from their mothers. This was expressed, as a rule, in endless criticism of the girl's appearance, the manner of dressing and even criticism of young people chosen by the young lady as partners, and, of course, in direct prohibitions on sex life. As a result, the girl sometimes felt like a “crushed” mother. And often the fruits of such rivalry were outright dislike for oneself, one's body, rejection of one's sexuality, and denial of the female nature in oneself.

In the described situation, the daughter's virginity serves as a guarantee that the former relationship of dependence is preserved and that the growing woman is still in the power of the mother, and therefore cannot oust her from the circle of women interesting to men.

I must say right away that finding a compromise in this situation is almost unrealistic. There are only two options: either do it your own way and come to terms with the fact that the relationship with the mother will be lost for some time, or obey to the last. This "last", however, runs the risk of not coming, because after the girl marries "as expected" a virgin, the control will not end. He will simply move on to his daughter's family life, her relationship with her husband and her principles of raising children. If you do it your own way, you need to be prepared for the fact that the mother may threaten to abandon her daughter, threaten with her illnesses, worries and tantrums.

But you just have to endure it, patiently, step by step bringing to the mother's consciousness the fact that the daughter has grown up, has become an adult and has the right to control her life. And it is better if this whole revolt is accompanied by at least relative financial independence. Better yet, find a plausible excuse to leave, at least for a while, to another city - to college or to work. And try to explain to the mother the need for this precisely from the point of view of social formation. Then there will be at least some possibility of compromise.

As practice shows, relationships still improve after a riot, mothers rarely follow the principle to the end, and therefore, having in your soul a firm decision to build life the way you want, hope for the best - in most cases, relationships are restored by themselves.