What to do if the relationship is "frozen" and does not develop

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

We are accustomed to the fact that everything in our life naturally moves forward: after graduating from school, we enter the university, then find a permanent job, continue to improve ourselves, studying foreign languages or attending decoupage courses. We do not want to stand still and expect the same from a relationship with a beloved man - development. How great is our disappointment when the connection, which is just about to become stronger and brighter, suddenly freezes: neither here nor there.

Relationships “freeze” for different reasons and at different stages. Someone does not even go from harmless flirting to a serious relationship, while others get stuck at the stage of "happy together", but are not going to marry. At first, such a “freeze” may not even alert you, but sooner or later you will think: “Why are we not moving forward? Is there something wrong with us? " Before jumping to conclusions and making a serious decision about parting, let's look at the reasons for the "freeze" of the relationship.

Harmless flirting and nothing more

You periodically intersect with an interesting man in a cafe or at work, make eyes at each other, exchange a few words, but unfortunately, things don't go any further. And you would really like to get a little closer, you really like him, but none of you takes a step forward.

Why it happens?

As a rule, the impossibility of rapprochement in this case is explained by two reasons: unwillingness and fear of any of the parties to enter into a serious relationship and external circumstances. With the first, everything is clear - past negative experience, uncertainty that this person is suitable for the role of a soul mate, or a passion for collecting hearts lead to the fact that the flirting with all his might tries not to cross the line he himself delineated. As for the external circumstances, everything is a little more complicated with them. For example, in a big city, when people living in different parts of it are almost equated with aliens, some will prefer to remain alone than to start a relationship with someone to whom they will have to visit for several hours. In general, housing, career and other issues sometimes still prevail over feelings.

Love is love, but life is apart

We are talking about adults, whose relationship can in no way progress beyond the stage of "walk, cafe, cinema". It would seem that you have been meeting for a long time and not always on neutral territory: sometimes he stays with you for the night, and sometimes you spend the weekend in his apartment, but there is no talk of moving in.

Why it happens?

There are several reasons, and they all have a right to exist, although some may seem far-fetched.

1. Lack of opportunity to live together. Probably, one of the partners lives with their parents, and we are not talking about "over-age children": an elderly mom and dad may simply need sick care. Or, for example, a woman rents an apartment closer to work and does not want to move to her beloved, so that later it takes a long time to get to her office. It doesn't matter what exactly keeps you from living together. The important thing is that as adults, you feel like teenagers, forced to meet on a bench in the park.

Protecting their personal space, they unwittingly put a full stop where it was quite possible to put a comma.

2. Fear of everyday problems. Many couples deliberately refuse to live together, explaining their decision by the fact that dirty linen, escaped milk and socks scattered in the corners will kill feelings in the first month. Such partners tend to choose a guest marriage, however, they do not always feel like a full-fledged couple at the same time.

3. The fight for personal space. Adults who are used to living alone are very jealous of their personal space. The opportunity to sit at home in complete silence and arrange things on the shelves in the closet exactly as they want is a real fix idea for those who value their own “I” much more than “we”. As a result, protecting their personal space, they unwittingly put a full stop where it was quite possible to put a comma.

“Why get married? And we live so well"

This is how most couples who have been living together for years explain their unwillingness to go to the registry office. It would seem, what prevents people from legalizing relationships? They already fall asleep and wake up in the same bed, go to their parents for the weekend together and make far-reaching plans, but they don’t agree to a stamp in their passport. It is rather difficult to say that in this case the relations are also “frozen”. Some are really satisfied with this state of affairs, and they do not need another. But when one of the partners passionately wants to tie the knot, and the other resists, then we can already talk about some problems.

Why it happens?

In this case, we are driven by fear and uncertainty. Moreover, both of these can seriously prevent us from building a strong family.

1. "I'm not sure if it is him." Some women frankly say that they are comfortable living with a certain man, but they are not going to marry him for one simple reason - there is no confidence that he is “the one”.

2. Burnt in milk … If one of the partners has already had to go through a painful divorce, then it is quite understandable why now he is in no hurry to put a new stamp in his passport. In this case, people prefer to live under one roof and always remember that they have the opportunity to leave by slamming the door and not think about the unpleasant paperwork.

What if the relationship "froze"?

It is definitely worth trying to revive them. Breaking is much easier than building, and, unfortunately, most people choose not to make an effort to preserve their feelings, and then cry at the rubble. Do not shrug off if your relationship at some point stopped developing, try to bring something new into it, try to look at your partner with different eyes - for example, a girl who sees him for the first time in a crowd. If you understand that he still gives you warm feelings, then do your best to move the relationship to a new stage. Be together and always strive forward.