Why are we getting divorced?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Maybe it's my own fault …

Who among us would not want the only nascent relationship to turn into a grand romance with all that it implies: a step on a white towel, a resounding "Yes!", A deafening "Bitter!"

And who among us would like to see an indistinct “I don’t know”, or, even worse, a sharp “No”, sounded in response to the same questions in a few years instead of a firm “Yes”?

Yes, it's not a secret for anyone that each of us wants her love to be that rare and extraordinary. So that her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren recall her family with admiration and speak of her in no other way than: "They lived in perfect harmony for many years and died in one day, retaining their bright, sincere feeling until the last moment."

It's a little scary to touch on the topic of divorce. Every woman on the verge of this process will want to hear some advice. And making recommendations is always dangerous. After all, one and the same advice can be useful, and even salutary, for one family, destructive for another, and for a third and not bring any benefit or harm at all.

We all study life by the most common method of trial and error. Therefore, in this article you will not find any recommendations, no advice, no correct (as well as wrong) strategies. Touching upon the topic of divorces (and especially early divorces), I wanted to collect some information for thought, on the basis of which each of us could draw conclusions, find something useful for himself, which, perhaps, will allow her to avoid unpleasant mistakes and bitter disappointments in the future. Therefore, armed with a notebook and a pencil, I went around, phoned or wrote to all the more or less familiar women who survived a divorce to ask them one single question: What is the reason?".

I must say that the results puzzled me a little. For some reason, subconsciously, I waited for answers in the spirit: "He began to drink, and then beat me" or "Returning late from work, I found him in bed with two painted girls from the next doorway." There were practically no such answers. And is it worth talking about them as sufficient reasons for divorce? These are polar cases, suggesting that the feelings that made them tie two destinies into one knot have long been gone, as well as the family itself. And in such a situation, a divorce will only sum up the long-awaited and fair result.

But there were many other answers. Talking about how things could have been different. I wanted to tell you about them.

And the girl is ripe

Katya is 21 years old. She has a rare disarming smile, seeing which one wants to trust her one hundred percent. In Katya, both a timid child and a femme fatale get along. And looking at her, you will never say that two years ago Katya experienced a divorce. “We went to school together,” she says. “We can say that it was love at first sight. Actually, this is what happened - right after school we played a wedding and began to live separately from our parents. For a while I felt very happy, but after a year I realized that I was not guided by love, but a simple desire to become an adult as soon as possible. and independent, to live my own life and not listen to the daily advice and guidance of my parents. For some time, our family held out on parole - we didn't want to admit our stupidity so soon. But divorce was inevitable, probably from the very beginning.

I counted the most similar stories. Often, it is not love and mutual respect at all, but the desire to gain independence, revenge, and prove something that forms the basis of a new family. But sooner or later it becomes obvious that with such an act you only highlight more clearly what you wanted to hide. Striving to become an adult and independent, wouldn't it be better to get a job and gain the respect of colleagues, graduate with honors from a university, or simply take on most of the homework? After all, a girl who has put on her mother's dress and painted her lips with lipstick will not at all become older and wiser. By doing this, she will only emphasize her naivety and infantilism.

You have not changed for the better

Perhaps the second most popular answer. None of us is insured that there will be no difficulties, problems and trials in the future. It is believed that God sends them in order to test a person, temper his feelings, craving for life, aspirations. And difficulties are the best test of the truth and strength of feelings. But life is not predictable. And a person whom, you think, you know as yourself, can suddenly show himself from a completely unexpected side.

This is the story 32-year-old Yana told me: “I married a confident man who has his own business, who loves his job. I didn't need to work, so I devoted myself to home. - for some time my husband was still afloat, but soon the company had to be closed and, having paid off all the debts, we were left with practically no money. It was hard work then, firms were closed, staff were cut, salaries were cut. Fortunately, I managed to get a job as a secretary and Earning at least for food and apartment rent.”Accustomed to running his business, the husband did not want to go to the hired workers, and constantly made some plans, looked for something, met with someone. After a while he began to drink, strange, humiliating suspicions, reproaches, accusations against me began. with his experience, he would have been torn off with his hands. But in response I only heard that I was a fool and did not understand anything. My patience ran out after he almost got into a fight with my boss. When I got home, I said that he wants it or not, but we are getting divorced."

Such a situation, of course, is a serious test not only of the strength of the family, but also of yourself. It will require patience, courage, attention from you. After all, it's not for nothing that the words of Irina Allegrova's song, which I put in the subtitle, continue like this: "Maybe I am to blame myself …"

I blinded him from what was

Here is the story of twenty-four-year-old Julia: “We had a lot in common with our first husband Anton. We both were fond of sports, listened to the same music, read the same books, loved to relax in the same places. We literally echoed each other, our inner worlds were twin brothers. We spent a lot of time together, soon Anton proposed to me and we got married. But after a while we realized that we were very tired of each other. And in fact, we were always simple for each other excellent friends, and not at all the half that should complement you, make you grow and develop further."

Now Julia is married for the second time. With her husband, Sergei, she regularly visits the sports club - he is just a fan of sports. They both love movies, music and literature. Only their tastes are somewhat different. And with what pleasure Julia listens to the point of view opposite to her opinion, argues, is surprised, and every day she discovers new facets in herself and her beloved. "I only regret that I did not meet Seryozhka right away. I'm so sorry for those two lost years! "She exclaims.

Or here is the story of twenty-seven-year-old Irina, who recently survived a divorce: “We worked with Maxim in neighboring departments. He often came to us for some documents, to agree or clarify something. somehow, go for a walk, go to the cinema or a cafe. I can't say that I liked him very much, but his courtship was pleasant, however, as would be pleasant courtship of any other man. We began to meet. And after a few months Maxim made me proposal and we got married. I don't even know what made me agree, most likely, the fear of loneliness. We had a good, warm relationship. Yes, there was no fire, passion, enchanting love and emotions. But we understood each other well, Maxim listened he was attentive to me, affectionate. The fact that I got excited about marriage became clear after a couple of months. It was simply unbearable to endure his petty annoying habits: eternal muttering under his breath when and he is busy with something, the habit of reading in the toilet for hours … In general, after six months we parted."

I would like to believe that Ira's story will end as well as Yulia's story. “Now I’m definitely sure: it’s better not, instead of somehow” - she repeats the old, time-tested truth.

Of course, none of us is immune to mistakes. And there is always a danger of making a mistake in yourself, taking the fleeting for the very present, especially when you really expect it. The main thing is that the mistakes not only do not remain uncorrected, but also make you wiser and more experienced.