Why we hide our feelings and how to stop doing it

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

It's a strange thing, we can laugh when cats scratch at our souls, we can do our best to restrain a smile if we are sincerely happy about something, and we will never show others that we are afraid, because we consider it a manifestation of weakness. We skillfully hide our feelings, and then we worry that we are, as it were, not us at all. "Cleo" decided to figure out why this is happening and how, finally, to take off the mask of "impenetrability".

As a child, it was much easier to show your emotions. More precisely, we did not even think about how we look when we cry or laugh. We hit our knee - we roared, we received a long-awaited doll as a gift - we will smile with all our mouths. It would never even occur to a child that it is possible to hide your feelings from others. Through the mouth of an infant speaks the truth, and in this case we are talking not only about the verbal way of transmitting information, but also about the emotional one. Children are sincere - they are not afraid (and do not even think about fear!) To show what is happening in their souls at the moment.

As adults, we put on masks of indifference and seem to cease to be ourselves. Together with childhood, emotional sincerity leaves us, and doors and locks come in its place, which we ourselves lock.

1. Joy

Do you think it's easy to laugh when it's really funny and sincerely rejoice at a person you haven't seen for a long time? If so, then you are very lucky. But most of us consider it bad form to laugh out loud and throw ourselves on the neck of a loved one when we meet. They firmly believe that educated people behave with restraint. And those around them think that those are "fakes" and they should work on themselves.

Why it happens? Unfortunately, education is to blame. Parents wanted the best, but it turned out so-so. All these twitches in the spirit of "don't laugh so loudly", "be more modest" came out sideways to us - fearing to disappoint mom and dad, we fulfilled their orders by 200 percent, becoming quiet and shy.

What to do about it? What's wrong with genuine joy? That's right, nothing. So why not allow yourself to smile when you want, and sincerely say to your loved one: "I'm so glad to see you." Positive emotions should be shared, only then there will be more of them.

We prefer to fight the nausea, but we will never utter the simple phrase: "I am very afraid to fly."

2. Fear

It is foolish to think that there are people in the world who are not afraid of anything. Even if spiders, darkness and height do not appear on the list of their fears, then at least flights or trips to the dentist make them nervous on the eve of the "execution". The strange thing is that admitting our fears is tantamount to admitting our own weakness. We prefer to fight the nausea, but we will never utter the simple phrase: "I am very afraid to fly."

Why it happens? In fact, the answer lies on the surface: to say that you are afraid of something is to admit that you are vulnerable. The modern man, who is in the eternal pursuit of success, cannot afford such a luxury. Vulnerability is the lot of the middle class.

What to do about it? If you close your eyes to the problem, it will not be solved. It's the same with fears. We must not hide them, we must fight them. Even Superman, who is subconsciously equal to most "invulnerable", admitted that he was afraid of kryptonite.

3. Anger

How many times have you said that everything is all right, even if you wanted to tear and throw? Hundreds. A friend told your secret to her friend - it's okay, not hysteria because of this, it's not such a terrible secret. The boss made you quarrel, not figuring out who is right and who is wrong? Well, you will obediently listen to him, swallow the offense, but your family will receive it in full. Indignation, like a spoon, is expensive for dinner, but you prefer to pretend that everything is fine.

Why it happens? Because "decent" people do not arrange scandals. Only the “indecent” defend their position in a raised voice, and we are so afraid that those around us will consider us quarrelsome and unbalanced boors. Therefore, it is better to turn one cheek after the other than to be branded as a hysterical.

What to do about it? Break stereotypes and realize that no one but you will intercede for you. Of course, you shouldn't shout at the first person you meet because he somehow looked at you wrong, but you can easily explain to your friend that you don't need to give out other people's secrets.

"Fall in love with the inaccessible!" - you explain your behavior, and then you wonder why it is he who passes by every time.

4. Sympathy

You like a man, and you pretend that you do not see him point-blank. "Fall in love with the inaccessible!" - you explain your behavior, and then you wonder why it is he who passes by every time. The same, by the way, applies to friendships and family relations: for some reason, even to close people, we are sometimes afraid to show that we need them.

Why it happens? It's all about the fear of rejection. Perhaps your family was not the happiest when you were a little girl, perhaps someone betrayed you personally. Negative experience constantly repeats: "Do not open your soul if you do not want it to hurt."

What to do about it? Realistically look at the world and understand that betrayal and betrayal will not go anywhere, but loyalty and love will always coexist with them. So why not believe the best?

5. Resentment

If you constantly keep silent about the insult, be prepared that one day you will explode, and then it will be bad for you and those around you. Moreover, this is a paradox - people around will not even understand what all the fuss is about. They have forgotten everything long ago and could not imagine that you mentally "savor" the affairs of bygone days.

Why it happens? Because in childhood, we were very popularly explained that only kids in the sandbox are offended, and smart adults do not behave like that. So we reeled on a mustache - to be offended is not serious.

What to do about it? Break yourself down and voice your feelings to the person who offended you. Unspoken grievances destroy your psyche, and some of them, by the way, turn out to be far-fetched. It is better to forge the iron while it is hot, than then to suffer because of the unspeakable in time "I feel uncomfortable, you offended me."

We often suffer greatly from the fact that we cannot fully express our feelings and emotions. Sometimes we realize that we have hurt someone with our callousness when it’s too late, when the moment is irrevocably lost. In general, many problems would be solved much faster and easier if people were able to speak correctly and delicately about what is in their souls now. Probably, it is worth at least once to try to proudly answer "thank you" to the praise of the authorities in order to feel a bit happier. It will be easier further. Down and Out trouble started.