Let's forget all insults

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

I ran after

For my grudge

We grappled with her tightly.

She choked me viciously.

Suddenly I turned into a butterfly.

And she let me go

(Helu Rebane)

In the outgoing year, it is customary to leave everything bad, including bad character traits. That is why the new year is the beginning of something new! One of the items on the list that I would not want to take with me in the new year is resentment. Such ridiculous female grievances against a beloved man. Ridiculous - because, in my opinion, resentment is generally an unnecessary and useless thing. And on my beloved man - because I take offense mainly at him … And I'm not the only one!

And better: let's forget all the insults! In general, I noticed that they take offense just at loving and close people. Harsh words, by chance (or not by chance?), Flew from the lips, a vile act, a rude gesture of an unfamiliar person, a person not close, easily pass by the ears, by the eyes, by the feelings. As a last resort, you can simply add a person to the "black list" and never communicate with him. Every word of a loved one passes through the brain and goes straight to the heart. If this is an unfriendly or even offensive word, an unseemly act, etc., imagine how it hurts your heart! And in response, I want to teach a lesson, punish, hurt. But often a man does not even understand the reasons for a woman's resentment, and the educational effect of demonstrating resentment is reduced to zero.

But until recently I thought that it was profitable to be offended! Imagine: you artistically pout your lips, defiantly turn your head away, uttering your signature "Fi!", And think that you have every right to do so. And at the same time, you automatically get the right to all sorts of ridiculous and impudent antics, for example, screaming so that the glasses begin to rattle, smashing plates, cups, vases, throwing all the objects of the hearth that come into your field of vision, stamping your feet so that from your footprints square heels linoleum becomes like a chessboard. And all because YOU are offended. This explains everything. It is profitable to be offended! In your opinion. You can be offended: at friends, at parents, at teachers, at work colleagues, at the whole world and, of course, at Him - the most common cause of women's offenses. And what should He do, the reason for your insults, your change of mood? Endure, puff into a rag and not make unnecessary movements (punishable by a lingering verbal waterfall, tears and, possibly, getting the status of a moving target for another plate)?

Resentment is any untruth to the one who must endure it; everything that offends, dishonors, condemns, hurts (V. Dahl's dictionary).

In fairness

It is important to understand: YOU were not offended, but YOU were offended. At your own request. Because it is you who choose whether to pout or not, to put a reminder of revenge on your memory shelf or not. You can live without offense, but not interesting. You definitely need to find a reason for a little storm in a glass of love potion. I think every woman has such impulses. Only in some, resentment evaporates quickly, like alcohol, while in others, it settles for a long time in cigarette smoke in the lungs.

The New Year is coming, and it's time for you to decide whether to leave all your resentment and resentment in the outgoing year, or, in principle, carry it on like a suitcase without a handle. I decided for myself that you can take offense:

- fair;

- not entirely fair;

- completely unfair.

How fair your offense is - it's up to you!

You can bite the offender, scratch, pinch, tug at the hair, tickle … And he can turn you upside down because he is taller and stronger, take you to a cold shower in a dark bathroom or "clear" your brains with Heavy metal turned on at full volume. In your eyes, the retaliatory maneuver will be perceived as another insult, an unauthorized failure of the guilty and punishable by another insult in your collection. Hehe … he won't get off with a bunch of carnations. And better: let's forget all the insults?

Resentment. Contraindications

Life is rich in emotions, and resentment is one of them. This is a natural reaction of a person who has been insulted, his dignity has been hurt. It is only important not to overdo it. "Latent" resentment develops into rancor. And this, by the way, is harmful. Therefore, when you decided that you were offended, offended, humiliated, say to yourself: "I am offended! I am angry!" Spit it out like a cherry pit and forget it. Otherwise, it will settle in your subconscious and will live there happily until it breaks through in the form of aggression or stress.

At the moment of resentment, a person defends his "I", his inner authority, which, in his opinion, was encroached on. Then he cherishes a thirst for revenge for a long time, comes up with a plan, tries in every possible way to "pin up" the offender. He lives with this feeling for long days, months, and maybe years, while living at the same time not his own life, but someone else's.

Are you not enough of your own?

If you were rightly offended, well, his problems, you should have behaved better. Let him try to find the answer to the question on his own: how to make amends in front of you so that not even a fold remains. The option when he just left in English forever is not a reason for resentment. Rather, it is a reason for anger, sadness (or joy?), But not for resentment - after all, he no longer cares about your state.

But even when all is well, it happens that the concentration of female grievances for the number of hours spent together significantly exceeds the permissible norm, and grievances pour in as if from a cornucopia, at the slightest provocation. If you wish, you can find as many reasons for resentment. You cannot demand from a person that he, communicating with you, was constantly in tension, controlling his every word and deed. This communication becomes like working in a minefield.

If you are offended not quite rightly or completely unfairly, the problems are yours. Although you hardly admit it. And in his eyes you will look like a touchy "beech". Have you heard the saying: "They carry water to the offended"? You do not want to be considered as a means of transporting liquid. Therefore, it is time to get rid of this bad habit - to be offended. The end of the year is the time to scrap your bad habits.

Methods:

1. "Skillful hands".

To "seal" his "sins" with his own virtues. And they cannot but be, otherwise you would not have looked at him, right, admit it? Write neatly on a piece of paper those of his actions, character traits and other things that cause a smile on your face, which now looks like a sour tomato.

2. Nostalgic

Get some good joint photo out of the album, if, under the influence of your hurricane mood, it has not yet been torn into small pieces and scattered in the wind. Perhaps the happy faces depicted on it will evoke some kind of warm memories, and the resentment will dissipate by itself. If you think that the "vile type" in the photo, who forcibly soldered you into the ring of his strong hands, has the same attitude to you as a vacuum cleaner to a meat grinder, and your happy smile is a daring photomontage, then go to the next point.

3. "Call a friend"

Call a friend. Once, in a fit of anger at Him, I dialed my friend's number and heard so many new and interesting things about my offender that for the convenience of listening, I sat right on the cold floor. It turned out that we are just a perfect couple (Romeo and Juliet are resting), he is an amazing guy, and I am a foolish selfish (but this is with friendly directness). After fifteen minutes of conversation, my "ill-mannered baboon" evolved into a fairy-tale prince. And life seemed like marmalade. True, a friend can choose another tactic of action - to support you in all your accusations, and then you will also learn a lot about your offender, but you are unlikely to run to put up with him right away. Unless, of course, you don’t want to argue with your friend’s every attack.

4. Emigrant

Forget about him. For a while. Consider that you have partial amnesia. Turn off your phones, don't check your mail, lock the doors with an iron bar. Put the bars on the windows and fly into space. The last point, of course, is more problematic than all the previous ones and is more expensive for the wallet. Moreover, it is not worth such extreme measures. In addition to the cosmos, there are a lot of distant places that have one common positive property - He is not there. You can go to the village to see your grandfather, to the dacha to your grandmother, on vacation in Prostokvashino, to get-togethers with a friend or to a sale in a store. The goal is to forget about him, about his resentment and anger, and after several hours (in extreme cases - weeks) of forgetful therapy - to appear before him blooming, smiling and kind.

5. Logical

To the question of your man: "Why have you never taken offense at me?" one wise woman replied: "Did you really want to offend me?" Ask yourself: "Can a loving man want to offend you?" If the answer is "Yes", then he is not a loving man. Cross out.

6. Theatrical

Put yourself in his place. Try to look at your quarrel through his eyes. Maybe you will see other facets of the question that were hidden behind your rude voice, scattered dishes and his silence.

7. But dear, but all mine!

Look around! Do you think there are enough men for your age, and anyone you meet is better than yours? Some have been looking for their destiny for years. In the fog of resentment, you can lose not only self-control, but also your beloved man. Decide for yourself: do you want this?

Examples of the stupidest female offenses and rules of conduct, if …

… He did not call on time. Tragedy! Drama! Apocalypse in a one-room apartment! For the whole evening, you are provided with negative emotions. And if he does call, then so does he. You will take care of this for sure. Do not mind it! Men are prone to temporary memory lapses. And this does not mean at all that he does not love you or that he could not call at the time appointed for the call because of the pursuit of a long-legged blonde with a fifth breast size in a mini-skirt that looks like a belt. Maybe his mobile was simply discharged, and the payphone was not in sight.

… He took you only to the entrance door, not to the apartment door. Maybe he’s just then afraid to go down alone in the elevator. He periodically suffers from bouts of claustrophobia or fear of heights (it was not you who chose the place of residence on the 15th floor of a 16-storey high-rise, but your parents).

… Having seized a comfortable seat on the couch, He immediately takes possession of the television remote control and falls into the trap of the television wizard. When you ask about your day, your exam score, and ask for advice about a quarrel with your best friend, he doesn't even blink, let alone give a detailed answer, and when you gently stroke your hand, he only clings tighter to the TV remote control. Find yourself another companion for now. In men, during the broadcast, the head is transformed into a soccer ball (or into a tennis racket, boxing glove, hockey puck, depending on what he is looking at). Can a soccer ball really think? And even more so to answer your rhetorical questions?

… He basically lets through from one ear to the other most of your sensual statements, complaints and questions, getting off with only a modest "uh-huh" (options - "aha", "clear", "oo-oo-oo", "hmm"). Try to speak a little more slowly, perhaps he simply does not keep up with your passionate vocabulary flow (or, meeting too many unfamiliar words, does not understand everything). Just do not be offended! He still won't understand the real reason. It's just that men cannot do several things at the same time. If he is busy with something (driving a car, cutting a salad, looking for the star Sirius in the sky, thinking), it is useless to tell him about the new model of sandals that Dolce and Gabbana have, or try to attract his attention with a banner "I love you!" Save for a more romantic occasion.

… All the time, when you say that you are leaving, he asks “Where?”, Refusing to accept the rules of etiquette and superstitious omens regarding “WHERE” on the road. Well, everyone has their own quirks. Maybe because of his more than modest vocabulary, he simply does not know what sentence can replace the question "Where?". If you are still superstitious and are afraid of such exclamations on the way, it is not necessary to report to him that you are going to leave home. You will report all the most interesting on your return.

Come on forever let's forget all the insults! If you try to convince yourself that you are not offended, such a self-hypnosis session is unlikely to help. But trying is not torture.

Check: remember your grudge. If thoughts like "This person treated me unfairly" creep into my head, it means that the insult is still alive. And if you think of this person with love and kindness, or at least not with anger, then you have defeated her.

So I want to end with the perhaps banal, but useful words of the cat Leopold: "Guys, let's live together!" No offense?