The art of scandal, or is it useful to beat the dishes

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Listening carefully to the stories of my friends about family scandals, I discovered that after I had a fight with my husband and threw the plate against the wall, relief comes, some relaxation, and then regret about the quarrel, and I feel sorry for a plate from a good service.

Scandal - a cure for nervous strain

Psychologists believe that it is sometimes useful for women to break dishes. Why? There are many explanations. From the point of view of physiology, under stress, the content of alarming hormones - norepinephrine and adrenaline - sharply increases and the body goes into a state of readiness for physical actions (run away, crash). If no activity occurs, the hormonal system returns to normal much more slowly, nervous tension remains.

From the point of view of psychologists, breaking dishes is the transfer of aggression to another object, you need to give vent to negative emotions, the desire to harm is better embodied on something inanimate.

Undoubtedly, a scandal is a form of relaxation of emotional tension. And here is what the famous psychologist Erich Bern writes about the scandal: “The scandal is a painful, but effective way of solving various sexual problems. Any two people who seek to avoid sexual intimacy can start a scandal. The emotional release that occurs during the scandal is a substitute for that emotional release, which normally spouses should receive with intimacy."

Such a form of psychological relaxation as a staged reaction is close to a classic scandal. A person who has accumulated a supply of negative emotional tension is looking for a situation in which he could be discharged. Indeed, the search for conflict situations is not uncommon, especially in family life. There are very precise expressions - a person "clings" to everything, "runs into" a scandal. Often, simple everyday expressions reflect the essence of psychological conflict much more accurately than professional terminology.

Scandal is a sport

Emotional outbursts leading to a scandal often arise out of the blue and a quarrel flares up for reasons that have a very indirect relationship to the conflict itself. Any trifle can serve as a reason for such a scandal. Such a scandal exists to relieve emotional stress, it is like burning calories in the gym. In a situation where the partners perceive what is happening in the same way, both get a kind of pleasure from the scene that happened, and then you can put the broken dishes together. We can say that in such a situation there is no conflict as such. But if the attitude to such things is different, then all the cries, tears and breaking of dishes accompanying the scandal act depressingly, spoil health.

Emotional release

How do we feel after such a scandal? There comes a certain relaxation, relief and a sense of guilt in relation to the one with whom we allowed ourselves such an aggressive form of behavior. Usually, soon after such a scandal, its participants reconcile. One gets the impression that there was a "dumping" of unnecessarily accumulated negative information and destructive emotions. People have stabilized their relationship, and maybe for months they will behave with restraint towards each other.

How do we look from the outside

If you look closely at the people who are drawn into the scene, their faces turn red, their hands tremble, and sweating increases. One gets the impression that all the pent-up emotions, as if simultaneously breaking through the dam, burst out. They unleash a stream of mutual accusations on each other, while pronouncing words that they do not use in everyday life. The form of expression of thoughts is also far from the one that is used when they sort things out in everyday life. And it seems that the information about each other, which people were holding back, broke through, and it sometimes looks really catastrophic.

Scientific evidence: Men should be pitied!

German scientists from the University of Berlin have found that violent scandals with screaming and smashing dishes in women relieve stress and reduce the risk of premature death from heart attacks and strokes. In men, the opposite is true: external manifestations of aggressiveness worsen well-being and increase the likelihood of various diseases:

the risk of myocardial infarction increases by 20%;

by 30% - the risk of cardiac arrhythmias, including dangerous types of tachycardia;

10% - the risk of blood clots

Facts from life

One enterprising businessman noticed that during family battles, dishes most often suffer, and not always the cheapest. He began selling dinnerware sets specifically designed for whipping during household scandals. And the ad said: "Medical care is getting more expensive, so a heart attack or a visit to a neurologist will cost you much more than a batch of our whipping utensils. By defusing family tension at a reasonable price, you will be able to preserve more expensive utensils and health."

Follow the rules even in a scandal!

It's just amazing how inappropriate sometimes we decide to sort things out: the wife is late for work, she needs to have time to feed the child and get him to school, and the husband suddenly starts screaming and demanding something. Or, on the contrary, the husband took home urgent work with him, and the wife took it into his head to sort things out.

No matter how loose your nerves are, you have to quarrel according to the rules. You don't want to start with a scandal and end up in divorce, do you?

In no case should you resort to the vague words "always" and "never". It is much better to build reproaches on concrete examples.

Accusations should be specific, and not theatrical phrases like "You ruined my whole life, because of you I became like this!"

And, of course, despite the outbursts of rage and anger, the wife should have enough common sense not to offend her husband, not to cross certain boundaries. Better to break a couple of plates than to tell your husband that he is a loser.

Many women are very practical, and will never undertake to beat any favorite and expensive things. Men, on the other hand, in a fit, can easily run an expensive lamp into an equally expensive TV. Therefore, if you are calculating, pragmatic and regret the good acquired together, take your husband away during such a scene to a safe distance from expensive and fragile objects.

What are the consequences of the scandal for the family?

Sometimes positive, if both play a game - emotional release. But more often scandals have destructive consequences for the family.

And yet, in spite of everything, conflicts can be constructive - partners must show patience in relations with each other, endurance and refusal from insults, humiliation; search for the causes of the conflict. Mutual readiness to conduct a dialogue, an effort to change the existing relationship - this is what contributes to the preservation of the family. And, as a result, relations are improving, communication becomes more constructive, mutual claims are realized and it turns out to develop a common position in resolving controversial issues.