Do not relax with your loved ones

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

This is not life, this is a continuous struggle … for survival. Well, it would seem, what else is needed - we met, fell in love, clung, so to speak, two loneliness to one another, converged, moved in, introduced the parents … Live now and rejoice, to the envy of lonely friends. But no, from this moment everything is just beginning …

Our beloved ones are husbands, lovers, boyfriends, they, oddly enough, are also people, which means that nothing human is alien to them. Yes, kind, noble, attentive, sexy (parasite!), He will transfer the old woman across the road, she will throw the "ten" to the beggar … Not a man, but an angel! Well, where, tell me, where, then, in this angelic creature there are so many animals … hmm, savage manners. You will look at someone else: a caring family man, it is dear to look at, but as soon as the wife turns away, so to speak, loosen her grip, and now - the tail is a pipe, in the eyes of the shine of a predator, straight "a cat that walks by itself." And the other - no, does not walk, all into the house, all into the house, like a hamster, but, sorry, you can't find him at home! He is all in business, worries, the next portion of wheat for the cheeks lays. A savage, and more!

It's time, friend, it's time to take power into your own hands! And to put things in order in this "animal" kingdom. But how? After all, we need to take care that the wolves are well fed (that is, we), and the sheep with us (husbands, lovers, boyfriends …). This means that before you start taking drastic measures, it is worth determining which species your wild beloved belongs to?

A wild boar

You will rarely find this beast at home. "Honey, I'm meeting with friends today, I will be late", "Kid, my guys and I are going hunting on the weekend", "Kitten, I'm in the garage, I'll look at Dimkin's car." Hu from Dimka? Why dont know? And how long you can endure these fishing, hunting and hiking "for beer" … Probably, while we haven't lived together, all weekends and evenings - with you, and then you won't be interrogated to go to the cinema! "Go with Natasha, you know I don't like melodramas." Do you love, I ask? And what to do if you yourself soon become the heroine of a soap opera: Juanita, who still can't wait for her dear Carlos …

If a wild boar has fallen into your hands, then you will have to come to terms with the fact that the family for him, alas, is not in the first place. And the reason for this "neglect" is often some kind of mental … uh-uh, how to put it mildly, the mental immaturity of your chosen one. He hasn’t played enough pistol cars yet, he hasn’t run around with the guys in the yard.

What should I do? There are two ways to tie your wild boar to the house: either wait until it matures, which will not happen today or tomorrow; or the very "fall into childhood" and keep company with your "beast": for beer - so for beer, in the garage - so in the garage, get to know all his dimkos and invite them to visit you more often.

Wild lion

The peculiarity of this type is that, as befits such a majestic beast, he is dressed in some great MEN'S BUSINESS. You rarely see him at home, not at all because he avoids being there or does not love you. He's got things to do, he's busy, "you know, kid?" He cannot do otherwise. If you try to keep such an active "king of beasts" at home, on the couch, he will probably turn sour, fall into depression, or, even worse, arrange a debriefing for you: "Why is this rag lying around here?", "Is it really difficult to remember that I am not love Peking duck? "," Why don't you do something?"

Oh, for health, you know, it's better to stay away from such outbursts of lion's rage. So, well, let him go to work! Still, you shouldn't move him far from yourself and home - there is a danger of becoming a "lioness in exile", replaced by some new, improved type.

What should I do? Ideally, get a job closer to him as a secretary or accountant, adviser or deputy. Such lions, despite the fact that they can be greedy for bright "nymphets", appreciate the brains of a woman. And if you manage to become his partner, or, as they liked to say in the recent past, a companion, there will never be a replacement for you. As an intelligent and active predator, the lion loves and respects his own kind, so even if you gain weight (lose weight), grow old, shave your head baldly, he will still appreciate you!

Wild goat

Or simply a womanizer, a ladies' man, a brute, in a word! You, you know, wait and love him, and he, like a wild and very rare goat, gallops over the mountains and villages, examining the surroundings for the application (or rather, investment!) Of his male qualities. "Bunny, I have a meeting today, I will be late", "Sunny, Shurik has a birthday, can you imagine ?! I'll stop by for a couple of minutes, it's inconvenient not to congratulate, and immediately to you."

Aha, at Shurik's, it means! Or maybe at Shurochka's? You turn purple, the pressure rises treacherously, and your heart is about to jump out of your chest. No, that will not do! So after all, you can also lose health because of some … goat.

What should I do? Immediately dismiss all types of violence specified in the Criminal Code and which you really want to apply in relation to it. And you shouldn't even try to tie a fist in the place he thinks. Calm down, let off steam and soberly analyzed the situation! No, giving him horns is not an option either. Again, two options remain: either to leave him to his own devices, but it's a pity, because although he is a goat, he is still his own, beloved; or to come to terms with his goat nature and wait until he gets mad. After all, if you think about it, he walks every time with different ones, but he always comes back to you, alone! Only, I hope he has enough brains to cover his tracks!

Wild rabbit

In fact, he is not so wild, but very domestic. Only he has not yet been tamed, from another herd, from my mother's. After work, he always comes to her house to eat borscht and just talk, and upon arriving home, he will definitely call and signal: "I'm already at home, everything is in order, no, there was no belching, the borscht is digested well, no, mom, they didn't push in the transport! Good night, see you tomorrow".

He needs it, it is vital, you understand? He's so used to it. And if, God forbid, you quarrel, to whom will he go to complain about his bad "girl"? Of course, to my mother, but where else.

How infuriating it is, friend! I already know! What should I do? The first desire, as in the case of the goat, is to strangle! But you and I have already agreed not to commit criminal offenses. And then, if you take a closer look, it's not so bad! A family man, does not walk, comes home, loves children. So it's easier to have mercy and tame!

How to do it? There is only one way out: to become for him a beloved mother, so that he does not run to her, but to you after work. This effect can only be achieved if you behave with him like with a child: do what his mother does - cook soups, ask if he was pushed in transport, if his head hurts after work, and love, love and love.

Happy hunting, friend!