"One day he raised his hand to me "

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Be patient, calm down, accept - many women so dissuade themselves from the only right thing to do. When the closest person turns out to be your main enemy, it's hard to believe. Frightened, humiliated, it is difficult to make a tough decision and stop domestic violence. Two strong women were able to. They asked us to tell their stories to help others become strong.

Katya, 27 years old, Moscow:

When I was still a preschool girl, it seemed to me that I did not know how to sleep. I lay in the crib, counting the sheep, but nothing helped. I was chopped off only in the morning. Growing up, I once found out where this insomnia of children came from.

We met Anton in the senior years of the institute. I was then a modest girl, for the first time I started a relationship with a man. Anton was so experienced. Helped me to get a job. Taught to drive a car. And in an intimate sense, he gave the first lessons …

After graduating, we decided to get married. I had no idea what I was going on. With Anton, I had no experience of living together. We just didn't have enough money for it. The parents decided to support us financially, to help with the start. We moved to a one-room apartment on the outskirts, we began to exist together.

Already in the first month of marriage began. My husband was not satisfied with my job. He believed that I dreamed of sleeping with all my colleagues. I quit. I switched to home work - I started marketing on the Internet. When Anton came home, he began to behave strangely. First, I'm sorry, he sniffed me. I checked the bed for signs of intercourse. I read all the messages on the phone. Once Anton thought that I had cheated on him. At the entrance, he noticed a stranger. My husband decided that he came to me.

In a fit of rage, he burst into the apartment and pounced on me. He raised his hand to me … He knocked him to the floor and beat him in the face. I had a broken nose. Blood gushed out in a stream. I thought I would.

I was afraid to complain: I didn't know how I could cope with life without my husband. I decided to forgive. Then the worst began. He beat me once a week. It seemed to Anton that since I married the first man, then I probably wanted to get to know others for a long time. It got to the point that I was forbidden to leave the house. When he locked me up, he took my cell phone with him. Returning, I checked the whole house again. I couldn't even try to let someone in. But my husband did not believe me. My mother knew everything. After my husband realized that my parents had heard about the beatings, he began to threaten that he would kill. I knew: this is no longer possible. But something was holding me …

Once he tried to strangle me. Then I decided to act. While her husband was not at home, she called the police. Trembling, she muttered the address. And she waited.

I understood perfectly well that if my husband finds out about my complaint, he will beat me half to death. However, the outfit was ahead of him. The district police officer met Anton with handcuffs.

Two years have passed since then. I have a new husband, we are expecting a baby. The court proceedings ended only six months ago. Anton got off with a suspended sentence. By law, he has no right to approach me. A psychologist also helped me. He revealed why I could not sleep as a child: my father beat my mother, and I heard everything. But I forgot about it as a childhood nightmare. The psychologist explained that if I do not “work through” my childhood, then I risk being in a vicious circle - I will be drawn to aggressive men. But the Lord sent me Glory - the closest and kindest person.

Alla, 29 years old, Moscow:

My ex-husband is probably happy now. He was very lucky: I turned out to be generous. Although it was necessary to punish him - to tie his hands.

We met at work. He worked in the advertising department, and I in the accounting department. At first they envied me. Oleg looked successful. He has hellish charisma. He dreamed of a family. He complained to acquaintances that he had no luck with women. He said: "Everyone is leaving me." When I didn't know him well, I didn't understand why. We became not only a couple, but also best friends. We were everywhere together. I found romance even in a joint trip to the supermarket.

After six months of marriage, everything changed. I do not know what included these mechanisms in him: Oleg looked calm. Once we went to throw out the trash. They threw the packages, and I already turned to the car. Suddenly I hear a crack. I turn around. Oleg kicks the trash heap. Boxes fly out of the tank, a dent appears on it. To my question: "Are you out of your mind?" he replies that he is having a fit of anger.

A month later, for the first time he raised his hand to me … It happened in the kitchen. I accidentally spilled flour on the suit hanging from the chair. He threw his jacket at me, shouted: “What are you doing ?!”, grabbed my hair and threw it on the floor. I was shocked. She burst into tears, of course …

The next morning I got bruises. Oleg apologized. We haven't spoken for a week. Then they forgot. But after a month and a half, he beat me again. Again, some trifle. I lost his expensive cufflinks. Then he grabbed me, opened the door and let me down the stairs. I hurt myself badly, I broke my wrist. After that, I began to be afraid of him. But I had nowhere to go. My parents are not in Moscow. There was no work. Starting from scratch was scary. Most of all I was afraid of pregnancy, which will forever tie me to Oleg. My fears have come true. As soon as I saw two stripes on the test, I rushed to Kaliningrad. I thought I would now return to my parents. Oleg began to call persistently. I let it slip about my situation. He begged me to come back. In the end, I came back. In the second month of pregnancy, he beat me again. We decided to have an abortion.

Oleg continued to mock me. He called it a creature. Shouted when he was nervous. And I packed my things every week, swore that I would never return. He apologized, bought gifts … It was as if I lost my willpower. Each time she cried over a suitcase of collected things. I promised myself that I would go to the prosecutor's office. But she didn't. In forgiving him, I hated my own weakness. I felt like I deserved every blow. And the gift that follows him, I am not worthy. Too pathetic.

Has a man ever raised his hand against you?

	No never!
	It was once.
	I remember several times.
	Alas, this often happens.

I left Oleg after five years. I spent the night with my friends, whom I had previously lied to that everything is fine with us. I was looking for work in vain. A year later, we met as strangers. Quietly divorced. In court, he said that we "did not get along with each other." I just nodded.

Commentary by psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky:

If a woman first encountered aggression, she should immediately break off the relationship. First, because you can get used to violence. Remain a victim forever. Secondly, you need to know: if a person once opened his hands, then he is unlikely to stop a second time. Don't be afraid to complain: in the vast majority of cases, the court takes the victim's side.