Below the skirting board: how to boost your self-esteem

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

How often do we observe a picture: a beautiful slender girl scrutinizingly examines herself in the mirror and does not find anything that, in her opinion, can please young people. He thinks his legs are crooked, his eyes are too small, and his nose is the most terrible in the world. Or, for example, a smart woman who has every chance of success in her career refuses to be interviewed in a large company, thinking: “Where should I go? There are so many suitable candidates, but what about me? So, half and half. Neither one nor the other representative of the fair sex can adequately assess herself: neither her appearance, nor her abilities. And it's sad, but most women have a serious psychological problem - low self-esteem.

The inability to give an objective assessment of one's actions, knowledge and appearance entails great difficulties in building a career, in communicating with other people, including with representatives of the opposite sex, and even in relations with oneself. People with low self-esteem tend to be extremely insecure. They need confirmation of the correctness of their actions from the outside, so they constantly ask for advice from friends, relatives, colleagues. Assessing themselves not through self-perception, but through the prism of the opinions of others, they very often put them on their necks and become an object of manipulation. In addition, the characteristic features of people with low self-esteem is the confidence that nothing depends on them and that their very existence is a stupid joke of nature: they say, how can such an absurd person be loved and listened to?

If you are familiar with such thoughts, if it seems that absolutely all of your friends are more beautiful than you, and your colleagues are smarter and more successful, then you urgently need to work on self-perception.

You cannot be happy exactly until you stop thinking that you are unworthy to experience happiness. You will still lose hundreds of opportunities, let others go ahead, and most importantly, live in discord with yourself, trying to correlate the image that has formed in your head with the one that you would like to see.

So how do you improve your self-esteem?

Stop comparing yourself to other people

You should not think that someone is better, and someone is worse than you, and at every meeting, look for parameters by which you "lag behind" the person. Understand one thing: no one competes with you - everyone in this life is in his place. And if now your friend is in a happy marriage, and you are single, it is not because she is more attractive to men, but only because at the moment each of you has just such a “place”. Time will pass and you will meet your love.

Understand one thing: no one competes with you - everyone in this life is in his place.

Stop constantly apologizing

Have you noticed that, even when addressing a saleswoman in a store, you start your speech with “sorry”? What are you apologizing for? For disturbing her peace and daring to ask you to sell something? It even sounds ridiculous. The person is in the workplace, and this is her responsibility. But it's not just the saleswoman. People with low self-esteem generally always and everywhere apologize: for accidentally dropping a pen on the floor, for making a reservation and saying not what they wanted, and for any, even an imperceptible mistake. Take apologies more seriously, do not discount them, because at the same time you are devaluing yourself.

Learn to accept compliments

Not everyone knows how to properly accept compliments. Although this "science" is extremely simple. It is enough to say "thank you". Answers like “Well, what are you, nothing special”, “It’s not me who lost weight, this skirt is slimming”, “Do I look good? What do you mean! This is the merit of makeup”does not allow you to accept the fact that you look good or did something with a plus. And again, the formation of low self-esteem occurs, because you yourself convince yourself that you are not worthy of praise.

Stop doubting your abilities

Always be guided by the belief: "I will never know if I can or not, if I don't even try." It doesn't matter if there is someone smarter, stronger, more determined than you, - in any case, your main enemy is doubt in your abilities. It is because of self-doubt and, as a result, fear of taking the first step that you miss out on so many opportunities. Make it a rule to try even through "I don't want to." As a result, you will understand that it is not so scary to make a mistake - it is much more scary not to know at all whether you would have made it or not.

Control what you say about yourself

Derogatory phrases like “I'm bad”, “I'm fat”, “I'm ugly”, “I'm stupid” - forget it! Your self-esteem directly depends on what and how you say about yourself. You will never be able to adequately assess your appearance and mental abilities if you continually convince yourself and others that something is wrong with you.

Your self-esteem directly depends on what and how you say about yourself.

Accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses

Of course, you already know you're not perfect. But you haven't even tried to figure out what you can be loved for. First, write a list of your strengths on paper. Surely you are honest, creative, cook well, and tell interesting stories from life. And in the next column, indicate your shortcomings. This will naturally make it easier for you. Well, now look at both the one and the other list - do you agree to accept everything that is good in you? Of course yes. So why do you give up what you don't like? Are you ready to deny half of yourself, and love the other at the same time? You don't do that, say, with your husband or children. Treat yourself the way you would treat another person - accept everything that is in you, whether you like it or not.