5 rules to help manage children

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

For ten years now I have been a happy mother with many children. I tried many different rules on my children - borrowed from books, heard from friends, invented on my own. Some of them were more like threats, others were contrary to human nature (little sons cannot help but fight sometimes, no matter how forbidden they are). Eventually, through trial and error, I found rules that work. Perhaps they do not fit into the framework of traditional pedagogy. But they are easy to remember, easy to understand, easy to use and really work!

Rule # 1: You cannot be in the room where I work if you are not working

Target: teach your child to help you around the house, or at least not to distract you.

I think I was not the only one who was pissed off by the selfishness of children who do not pay attention to the fact that their mother is busy with something important, and they ask me to find a shoe for the doll, or they demand that I help them put together a complex puzzle. When the number of children in the family grew to four, I realized that I was doing something wrong.

Now children help me instead of sitting and waiting.

At first I tried to explain to them that if they help me to cope with my work, then I will have more time to communicate with them. But, as they say, "bargaining was inappropriate": the children understood perfectly well that in any case I would fulfill their wishes when I was released, this argument did not work.

And then one day in the kitchen, when my daughter watched me ironing, and waited for me to be free and fulfill her request, I came up with and immediately decided to introduce a rule based on two features noticed in children:

• in childhood and early adolescence, their natural desire is to be with their mother as long as possible;
• you will not be able to persuade children to help you of their own free will, using reasonable arguments in favor of it.

Comparing these two facts, I told my daughter that, of course, she was not obliged to help me, but just sit back and stare at what I was doing. She must leave. What did the daughter do? She chose the first option. Now children help me instead of sitting and waiting for me to do something for them, and it's their own choice.

Rule # 2: I Don't Work After 8:00 PM

Target: Regulated rest times and regular healthy sleep.

No matter how much you beg your children (and sometimes your own spouse) to be quieter in the evening, not to bother mom, because mom is tired for the day, mom needs to rest, you are unlikely to achieve what you want. When the eldest daughter was 6 years old, and the youngest was just two years old, I gathered the children and solemnly announced that the Ministry of Labor Protection had just approved a new law, according to which all mothers were prohibited from performing their duties after eight in the evening. From that day on, I continued to read books to children, play games with them, listen to their stories, bathe, comb - do all my duties, but strictly until eight in the evening.

After me they "turned off". I pretended to have forgotten how to play, threw up her hands, pointed to the clock, making it clear that I could not help myself!

This rule was incredibly beneficial not only for the children, but also (indirectly) for the husband! The children learned to manage their time on their own in order to play more with me: the daughter went to bed almost immediately after eight in the evening. My husband, having accepted the rules of the game, began to help me more. For example, with putting the children to bed: he understood that if we stayed until eight, he would have to do everything alone. And although with the growing up of children, the scope of "mother's time" has expanded, but the principle that mothers have obligatory hours of rest has remained in our family traditions.

Rule # 3: You take what is given and you won't achieve anything by hysterics

Target: No bargaining, exhortations, no reaction to hysteria. Does the bun sound savory? What is, there will be no other.

It's just that from a young age, the kid is given to understand that the world is what it is.

Now this "terrible rule" is used by almost all of my relatives who have young children, and acquaintances from the playground. Its deep meaning is not that an adult should stop flirting with a child, begging to eat a spoon "for mom and dad," not at all. It's just that from a young age, the kid is given to understand that the world is what it is: yes, there is no equality in it, life can be unfair, and the only acceptable answer to this universal injustice is one: do not go into hysterics.

When I first heard about such a rule, I was skeptical: it looked too simple to work. But, to my deepest surprise, this attitude not only worked and brought results, but the children themselves seemed to breathe a sigh of relief when they learned how the "adult world" works. Perhaps they simply did not have enough "philosophical justification" for what they had already encountered more than once.

Rule # 4: Set up "concerts" elsewhere

Target: live in an atmosphere of peace and tranquility.

I like it when my children heartily make noise and have fun, shout and sing songs, it speaks about their health, physical and mental. But let's admit to ourselves honestly: their irrepressible energy can sometimes freak out. It seems that the child is conducting an experiment on you, testing how much your patience will be enough to listen to his endless singing or counting in a circle from one to ten …

In general, I don't think I have to be a constant listener-spectator-victim of their noisy concerts. And so I learned to avoid such events tactfully and on time without pressure.

How? It's very simple: after I give them enough attention to their "fun", I tell them that I am not forbidden to sing, shout, imitate the sounds of animals, get mad and stand on their heads, but not next to me.

The same rule applies to situations when they want to twist or puff their lips.

You can modify this rule by filling it with “educational content”, as one of my acquaintances did: “I’m ready to listen to you when you’re ready to talk to me,” she says to her 4-year-old son if he cannot control himself. and then leaves the room.

Rule # 5: Money matters are not negotiable

Target: get rid of the constant pleading and tantrums of the child if you refused him to buy something.

Do your kids have any clear rules?

	Yes.
	No.

This rule works flawlessly only if you are ready to consistently and unquestioningly implement it. The main point: when you are asked to buy something, you only tell the child your decision: yes or no. And no discussion on this matter. If the child starts to protest, demand explanations, calmly but persistently affirm like a mantra: "Money matters are not discussed." Decent willpower is needed to withstand the first onslaught and not give up or get into an argument. Just calm repetition: "Money matters are not discussed."

There is also a flip side of the coin in this rule: if children have their own savings and they want to spend them on something, you have only the right of an advisory vote, now you cannot prohibit (of course, if we are not talking about buying something that endangers the health or safety of the child). After all, as you yourself stated, "money matters are not discussed."But, in the end, even if their purchases are not optimal from your point of view, they will teach the child in the future to properly manage money, to realize their mistakes.