Joint childbirth with her husband

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

In sorrow and in joy, in wealth and in poverty, in illness and in health - your beloved solemnly promised to be with you always. So why is he now turning pale, blushing and losing the ability to articulate? His pulse quickens, his breathing is interrupted. With a tremor in his voice, he clarifies: "Honey, do you really want this?" And having heard the irrevocable "Yes", he finally loses his head, as well as sleep, peace and appetite.

But we are not talking about a bank robbery, not about participating in the filming of the project "The Last Hero-6" and not even about a proposal to settle your mother in your apartment - just about his presence at the birth of your child.

How is a joint childbirth going?

Joint childbirth with her husband gradually cease to be the privilege of wealthy parents. In some municipal maternity hospitals, separate birth chambers have already appeared, in which there is enough space for both doctors and the future pope. And after giving birth, women in labor are transferred to free single and double wards, where mothers get the opportunity not to part with either the baby or the husband. For those who give birth for a fee, a separate single ward, most of all similar to a comfortable hotel room, is provided even before childbirth. Beautifully decorated and painted in pastel colors, the room has a shower, toilet, a large comfortable chair for an attendant, a TV and a spacious bed for a woman in labor. If this is a transforming bed, which, with a dexterous movement of the hand, can turn first into a maternity chair, and then back into bed, then the birth takes place here.

The father's participation in childbirth is not limited to the role of a mere observer. During weak contractions, you can walk down the street or down the hallway, or even sleep on your big bed, huddled together. In the transitional period from contractions to attempts, the husband will have to fulfill the pleasant duties of a masseur and massage your lower back … Not a single woman will refuse such a pleasant procedure, but as soon as it comes directly to the moment of childbirth, confusion of thoughts and desires begins in the ranks of expectant mothers. Some are eager to grab onto their beloved husband in a dead fight and not let go of themselves for a minute, others panic at the thought - well, how can he see all this. Calm, only calm.

The husband is not at all obliged to stand behind the doctor's back, observe the direct birth of the child and look at the crimson rivers. All this time he can stand at your head and hold your hand. Or you can even let him go for a walk along the corridor and smoke a cigarette on the porch. After all, he was with you all the long hours of fights, and in this last hour of climax, you can feel sorry for his nerves and boldly put him out the door. Of course, if the newly-born father does not want to take his child in his arms and cut his umbilical cord. But even in this case, you should not be afraid to scare him with your brutal appearance during attempts and inhuman screams. Those who have gone through labor with their husbands say that epidural anesthesia makes labor so much easier that the pain can be compared to painful cramps during menstruation. And then only when the anesthesia begins to weaken. This means that you will not have to scare your beloved man with screams and grimaces of pain.

After giving birth, mom and baby are not separated, and dad and relatives can visit them at any time and stay as long as they want.

And now, having gone through this serious test, young parents will be able to check how true the following statements about joint childbirth are.

Myth or Reality?

Joint childbirth will bring a married couple closer

Oksana, 34 years old, daughter 5 years old: "I don't know if it was the joint birth or the very birth of a child that brought us closer, but our relationship really became stronger." Most likely, this is exactly the case, childbirth brings closer together. But only if the family relationship is really strong. Joint childbirth is categorically contraindicated as a way to resuscitate marital relations that have cracked. Psychologists say that in this case, the presence of the husband during childbirth can further alienate him from his wife and accelerate the divorce.

Seeing the birth of your child is the greatest joy for a man

Valeria, 28 years old, daughter is 3 months old: "As soon as it all started, Sasha turned pale and grabbed my hand, as if it was not my birth, but his. I shouted that I did not want to see him and drove him into the corridor. Then he thanked me for this and admitted that he was simply not able to see all this. But now - he is the most loving father in the world."

Seeing your child is yes, but seeing his birth is unlikely. If your man collapses in the midst of the process, do not hope that this is from happiness. Most likely, his nerves failed. The best way out is to keep your husband with you during contractions and put him out the door during the immediate birth of the baby.

He will love the child more

Oksana: "The husband simply does not leave our daughter, all the acquaintances are surprised how much he loves Masha. But he already had a son from his first marriage, and he never felt any special tenderness for him. After all, then fathers were not allowed into the delivery room. ! " Larisa, 28 years old, daughter 1, 5 years old: “We gave birth together, but my husband has no special love for his daughter. it is much more important than communication with a child."

There is no confirmation of this statement. The paternal instinct, unlike the maternal, is not innate. And the father begins to truly love his child only when he begins to manifest himself as an independent person. And this is not before he turns 3-4 years old. The presence of a man at the birth of a child in no way contributes to the awakening of the parental instinct. Of course, there are dads who do not let their children get away with, and there are those who diligently bypass both the cradle and the nursery. It's not that one of them held his wife's hand during labor and cut the umbilical cord, while someone sat in the corridor for this time, nervously solving crosswords. All men are different, and this is not a matter of joint childbirth.

It is better for a man not to see his wife during childbirth, otherwise he will grow cold towards her

Marina, 30 years old, my daughter is 5 months old, gave birth alone: "I didn't want Andrei to see all this. Childbirth is not a pleasant sight. When during childbirth I had a little physiological embarrassment, I was terribly ashamed in front of the nurse to clean everything up, I apologized, probably hundreds of times. And it's wild for me to hear stories about how some husbands play the role of nurses in joint childbirth. Nurses are already used to this, this is their job and there are countless such cases every day, they removed and forgotten. And my husband is alone, and he will remember this moment for the rest of his life. Why is this necessary? A man should see his woman from the other side, after discharge, when she comes out to him with a child, blooming, beautiful and happy."

On this topic, there is most of the debate between supporters and opponents of joint childbirth. Supporters argue that childbirth is beautiful and the woman during it is also beautiful, cite as arguments those compliments that they heard from husbands in the delivery ward, and say that family relationships, on the contrary, have become stronger, and feelings - tender. Opponents categorically refuse to appear in front of their beloved man in the most unsightly form. Wouldn't it be better to save his nerves and remain in his eyes a beautiful goddess, and not a sweaty woman in labor with a red face twisted from pain, they argue. These young mothers are sure that the memories and smells will haunt their husband for a long time. And no scent of "Chanel No. 5" and an exciting silk robe will be able to supplant from his memory the bloody spots on the sheets and the smell of undigested carrots.

Psychologists in this regard advise couples who are confident in their feelings not to play on the nerves of a man and during childbirth resort to the help of a screen-partition, which will hide all unsightly moments from impressionable young dads, or completely remove the man from the ward. But obstetricians-gynecologists are adamant in this matter: the delivery room is not a place for men. A woman is able to cope with childbirth herself - this is inherent in her by nature. But there is no need to expose a man to such stress. Childbirth is a big shock that not every man can withstand.

Why put your loved one to such a test? If the husband refuses to attend the birth, it means that he does not love his wife much enough

Insist on joint childbirth with her husband in no case is it impossible, says an obstetrician of one of the capital's maternity hospitals. This decision must be thoughtful and deliberate. Joint childbirth is by no means a love thermometer. A man will still have a lot of opportunities to show love and tenderness for his wife and for the baby and outside the hospital, there is absolutely no need to focus on being present during childbirth. Moreover, there is no particular benefit in joint childbirth for the family and the child himself. However, it is very important for the woman herself to feel the support of her husband at this moment, therefore she herself most often acts as the initiator of joint childbirth.

Which women insist on having a joint birth?

These women are confident in themselves and in their own husband. Of course they can handle it! But it will be so nice to feel the support of your husband at this important moment, to know that you are not alone, to hold his hand, smile at his humorous comments and cry, watching him hold the newborn in his arms.

Lena, 27 years old, son - 8 months: "Why do women think that it is harmful for a husband to be present at the birth of his child? Why does he not need to see how the baby is born? Why do you think that he should have a feeling of disgust for his wife?" Maybe it's because of insecurity in his feelings for you? Does your husband love you (or will love you) only when you are beautiful and healthy? What kind of love is that then? You never know what happens in life. And then his child is born, the fruit of love with his beloved wife, who suffers from pain. In my opinion, every truly loving man should want to be with her, to support and distract, to massage, make fun of jokes, call a doctor when needed. And, of course, to see the birth (this is really an unforgettable experience!) of your child. And not to brush it off, saying something like "nature ordered it", and leave the wife to the midwife who runs from one woman in labor to another and who does not care what a stranger feels unknown woman."

The main reason for their arguments in favor of joint childbirth most often becomes not love and the desire to be close to each other, but ordinary selfishness or their own helplessness, the desire to shift responsibility for the man in this purely female process. Give birth alone? Never! And who will bring me some water? Who will hold the handle? Who will entertain with jokes? Who will call the doctor? And who can you yell at from the heart when it becomes completely unbearable? Well, not a doctor, in fact! And then, the midwife of women in labor like me has a conveyor belt, and my husband has me alone. And in general, let him know what it is like to give birth to an heir! What? Will it be unpleasant for him? Also for me, a muslin young lady was found. He's a man, not some weakling!

There are also those among women in labor who are thus trying to take revenge on their husband, who did not allow an abortion and insisted on maintaining the pregnancy. Like, let him see with his own eyes how painful and traumatic childbirth is, then he will love and cherish more. Alas, the prognosis for such families is extremely uncomfortable.

Ardent opponents of joint clans can also be divided into three groups. These are strong women, confident that men have nothing to do during childbirth. Strong women don't like to show their weakness. Even in an ordinary hospital, they do not particularly like visitors, preferring to survive their illness alone and to appear before friends and acquaintances again healthy, beautiful and strong. Those women who are not sure of the husband's reaction and do not see the point in his presence also oppose joint childbirth. "He won't be able to help me. Why would he stand and suffer, looking at me? Let it be better to sit at home or at work, and I will know what he thinks of me, and I will not worry how he will take it all and how I will look like this. " The third group protests against joint childbirth precisely because of the unattractive appearance. Such women carefully take care of themselves, do not forget about manicure and beautician even during pregnancy, they never appear in front of their husbands in curlers, there are no robes in their home wardrobe, with the exception of silk. They do not even admit the thought of appearing to the gaze of a beloved man, being sprawled on a delivery chair. "I want to remain in his eyes a beautiful goddess. So let him see me as Madonna with a baby in her arms, and not a whining and sweaty woman in labor."

What decision to make when going to the hospital, and which group to join, what to choose joint childbirth with her husband or not? Each couple decides for themselves and it is useless to give any advice on this most important issue. However, it should be remembered that the decision must be well thought out and by no means imposed. What's good for one couple can be disastrous for others. If your chosen one is distinguished by increased scrupulousness and disgust, cannot stand the sight of blood and bypasses the clinic, you should not lead him to the maternity ward at gunpoint. He will feel uncomfortable there, his excitement will be transmitted to you, you will be nervous instead of relaxing. And it will not be of any particular benefit either for you or for the baby. But even if your feelings are strong, you are inseparable in any trials and your man wants to share with you the moment of the birth of your long-awaited child, it is foolish to be ashamed of his presence at childbirth and think how unaesthetic you will look in his eyes. Be sure: in his loving eyes, you will be the most beautiful woman in the world, who gave him the greatest miracle - his child.