Where the hairdresser is powerless

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Volumes have been written about how to get rid of the boredom of family relationships. But for some reason, divorces are not decreasing even in our country, where applied psychology from the series "1000 and 1 way to fall in love with your own husband" is incredibly popular.

Therefore, not everything is as simple as it is written in these manuals, which are sold for a penny a bunch: become interesting for your husband again, find a common hobby, go to a hairdresser, make him jealous, make a career, remember your first year of life together, have a child finally - and everything will work out!

Honestly: I myself have never used these tips. It’s too easy to say and difficult to fulfill, and sometimes it’s just pointless. What does it mean "make a brilliant career" - if you already have a job, beloved and promising? And “radically change your image”? As a rule, by the age when family problems fall on us, our own style has already been found, and it is simply a pity to change the image that has been verified over the years and created bit by bit. "Make him jealous." No, of course, you can persuade your brother to leave a gentle message on the answering machine in a pleasant baritone. And so that the husband of the girlfriend met by car after work and gave a lift to the house. Oh no, I don’t play these games.

And the phrase “Become interesting for your husband again” is completely incomprehensible to me, and the whole set of tools, which the optimistic authors of these brochures understand by this transformation, sounds, in my opinion, simply mocking. If family life is going downhill, the last thing you want is to go to a beauty salon, look for computer graphics courses and get out of the eight, trying to attract the attention of your own husband. I want something else: for him to hug you and say that everything is fine and everything is the same. I would like to return the feeling of happiness in marriage again. And for this you are waiting for more serious and, so to speak, scientific advice.

I happened to stumble upon a study by a psychologist that was a real revelation on the question of how to avoid boredom in marriage. In short, this psychologist literally sorted out, or rather, smashed the existing postulates of love to the grave, offering instead the only possible way of a harmonious family.

1. "Always keep peace and quiet in the family - men do not like nervous women, they need the rear."

- Blessed is he who believes. But there are not so few divorces that struck like a bolt from the blue. From what? After all, nothing happened, everything went as usual! This "as usual", experts say, is the real problem. It is better to throw plates, or quarrel because of each other's career aspirations or “not get along in characters” than to admit that you and your partner have long become good neighbors who do not disturb the order in the common kitchen, do not climb into the soul and communicate at the level of “Shall I put you another cutlet? " and "It looks like it will rain." The external world of such a relationship does not mean the stability of the marriage.

2. "A woman is getting old, so she is vulnerable - always stay young in a relationship with her husband."

- Controversial. There are many couples, both peers and with a difference in favor of the wife, who, nevertheless, are strong. It is impossible not to change with age, otherwise you will look ridiculous. In addition, it has long been proven that the need to see in the wife the continuation of the mother persists in men all their lives, and this, to one degree or another, is characteristic of each of them (!).

3. "Go to the salon, buy a stunning outfit - your husband will not remain indifferent."

- Do you remember the anecdote? A desperate wife meets her husband in a gas mask and, seeing no reaction, begins to wonder if he has noticed something new in her appearance. And the husband asks: "Have you plucked your eyebrows?"If indifference reigns in the family, then a new hairstyle will not revive the husband's interest, as well as a new dress and a slender figure. After all, he used to love his wife during pregnancy, fat and clumsy, loved in the morning - not made up and disheveled, loved during time trouble at work, when she dragged home lathered with black circles under her eyes. This means that the matter is not in the old dressing gown and not in the absence of fishnet stockings. It's a pity, otherwise everything would be so simple.

4. "Be independent and self-sufficient - have a great job and your leisure time, teach him to do housework, go to parties alone, actively communicate with men."

- And why then the family? As a rule, they get married precisely in order to stop living autonomously in their world. Being married to your own head is a dubious pleasure. Basically, women prefer to see their husband as a "second half", rather than a successful addition to their self-sufficient self.

5. “Get a fan - you can not real, but fictional. It will make your husband win you over again.”

- Yes you? And if he is thinking about going to the left, then having another man with you will give him every moral right to do so. Deception and betrayal, albeit imaginary, are not acceptable to all women if they still love their husbands. Since marital infidelity has increasingly become a pretext for divorce, sociologists have abandoned the conventional wisdom that infidelity strengthens marriage and brings a fresh air to relationships. In any case, starting dating someone else and expecting a more tender relationship from your husband is at least strange.

So what do you do?

In any marriage, there is one invaluable plus - the time spent together. This time can be a minus if you don't make him work for yourself. Psychologists are convinced that in order for a marriage to remain strong, it is necessary to talk. That's right, simple. Sometimes you are amazed at how quickly and simply everything is decided by a frank conversation, a statement of a sore one. Do not keep anything in yourself - this is not only harmful to your health, but also undermines your mutual understanding. It's not true that men don't like a showdown.

Tell him your doubts about whether everything is good between you - to him, and not to your friend and mom, be frank with him, discuss everything that worries you, and inspire him to do the same. In this case, you become not just a husband and wife - you become dear people. This is the guarantor of the stability of your relationship.

And this is the only way to avoid minor omissions, which tend to accumulate and eventually lead to the thought that "the marriage did not work out because we squeeze out the toothpaste in different ways."

Honestly, there is something in this. Time-tested. Here's a simple example from my own family life. Very little time has passed since the wedding, and one day my beloved asked me to wash his shirt. Given that there is a washing machine at home, washing would not have required any effort on his own. I asked directly:

- Listen, I'm wondering: did you ask me because you yourself are very busy or do you just think that this is a woman's business?

Frankness to frankness:

- Well, actually, I think it's a woman's business, and besides, I have little idea how to handle a car. Do you wash, huh?

- Of course.

The conflict, as you can see, is crushed in the bud.

And this rule can be followed all your life.