Falloprostheses, pheromones and magic drying

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

"Selyanka, do you want a big and bright love? Come to the hayloft in the evening …" - this romantic invitation a little more - and will sink into oblivion. And it's not that making love on the mowed grass is somehow … uncomfortable. It is too primitive for a modern person, to whom today the huge sex industry offers a great variety of attachments, mechanical and electrical things, aromatic ointments. Especially for Kleo.ru, our correspondent sorted out the intricacies of modern love proposals at the Eros exhibition, which was recently held in Moscow.

Surrogate love

- Can I help you? - the stand consultant asked politely, observing how I looked at the rubber phalluses in confusion and a little bashful (although I seemed to have given birth to a child).

So that he would not think anything like that, I warned that I was contemplating all this wealth not for self-interest, but for work.

- Tell me as a journalist: how are they different?

- Let me explain to you not as a journalist, but as a beautiful woman. Good? As you can see, they don't really differ in anything: only in size and price. The more expensive it is, the more naturalistic and pleasant it feels. These phalluses, by the way, are a hit of sales. They are snapped up like hot cakes. Admire for yourself.

To the touch, the "hot pie" turned out to be a very soft gentle rubber, which still could not compete with the natural prototype. And it costs as much as two thousand rubles. According to the consultant Alexander, dildos are bought not only by single women, but also by married couples. And usually … men are persuaded to make such a purchase.

- The man drank, had a snack, but for the night love is not strong enough. You can't explain this to your wife, she'll be offended. And then you hand her a little rubber friend. Isn't it a wise decision? - for some reason, Alexander is happy.

In order for the wife to trust the rubber phallus more, experts in this matter advise to write the name of her beloved on it, then a firework of sensations is provided. If the exhausted husband does not want to fade into the background, then manufacturers offer falloprostheses for this case: he puts on special thong panties and places his dignity in a special cavity made of delicate latex. Such a "pencil case" costs 500 rubles without a vibrator and 600 rubles with a vibrator.

For men, the modern sex industry offers a surrogate wife. Not only as a whole (rubber dolls with open mouths and spread legs from 5 to 50 thousand rubles), but also in parts (rubber vaginas from 2500 rubles). As they say, women's love is more expensive.

- But vaginas, oddly enough, are preferred by women. One day the trucker's wife came to us and bought several pieces at once. After all, there are many temptations on the highway, but then you wanted a woman, you get your vagina out of your bag, you were satisfied and drove on. In my opinion, she acted very wisely, - Alexander praises the wise wife.

Vaginas are different: tasteful (strawberry, chocolate, vanilla, etc.), speaking, hard, soft. But ladies who are in a hurry to make such a present for their beloved should think carefully: all kinds of soft bumps are located on the entire inner surface of the rubber vagina, vibration is smoothly regulated, and the penis is tightly wrapped around. In a press release for one of these charms it is written: "There are sensations as from copulation with a young girl, which in itself is pleasant."Another disadvantage for us and a plus for men - a rubber vagina is always ready for action, she will never say that she is tired at work and that she has a headache.

Well, if you do not want to compete with rubber, then the modern sex industry offers all kinds of attachments for the phallus, which, by stimulating female organs, can enhance pleasant sensations and help with orgasm. They are inexpensive compared to dildos and vagino simulators - from 150 to 450 rubles. If you believe the visitor Vera, thanks to them you will find out where heaven is.

“I’m actually a teacher - I teach mathematics at school - and I never go to sex shops. And once I dropped in with my husband, for the sake of curiosity. The seller advised to buy a nozzle that massages the clitoris during the act. I have a salary of 3 thousand rubles and extra expenses, and even more so, I could not afford in any way, but I took a risk and, you know, now I even began to look at life differently,”Vera smiled shyly.

In the market of rubber phalluses, China occupies the first place in production (who would doubt it). But Russia is not lagging behind, and even ahead in the realism of execution. And they are much cheaper: the starting price is 300 rubles! If the Chinese rubber phalluses start to report from 20 cm, then the domestic ones start from 10.

- Look: this is a real man's size, - Sergei proudly pointed to the products on display. “Besides, Russian manufacturers know better what women need.

It was then that I first learned that women only need nothing: to gently enter and glide pleasantly. And domestic phalluses do an excellent job with this. European manufacturers offer automated "penises". If Madame only wants to rest, it is enough to sit on the saddle and press the button, and the phallus will move by itself. However, the prospect of having sex with automatic and vibrating dildos for some reason did not please me. I just want to ask "Do you have a heart-to-heart talk?", "And drink some tea?"

And, as it turned out, 75% of Russian women are in solidarity with me. According to the figurative expression of the sex therapist Vasily Yuriev, "our women prefer to starve than to eat anything." But 93% of American women and 76% of Europeans agree to surrogate rubber love.

The smell of love

On the other hand, Russian women are in great demand for perfumes with pheromones - biologically active substances that supposedly subconsciously influence a person, arousing sexual attraction in him. Science has not yet proven whether such a perfume really kindles the fire of passion or is it the power of suggestion: after all, some seriously ill patients are cured of a simple tablet with glucose, swallowing it under the guise of an expensive medicine. But one way or another, and the sellers of magic perfume tell wonderful stories about how a lonely woman choked on perfume with a pheromone, met the man of her dreams, then they had a fantastic night of love, a white dress, Mendelssohn's march …

I asked you to give me a taste of the love elixir. A few drops on my wrist, I smell of perfume with pheromones and … nothing. If only someone would look in my direction! Noticing my disappointment, the consultant Olga promised that the perfume would start working in an hour. Well, if a bottle of pheromones for 250 rubles does not help, then you can try a concentrate of pheromones for 1200 rubles, plus, according to the urgent advice of a consultant, you need to grab a lip gloss with the same miraculous substances. One hundred percent success is guaranteed - there will be no end to men. And right there, for lovemaking, which, according to Olga, will begin very soon, I was offered all kinds of water-based lubricating gels with vitamin E and aloe. What magic creams do not do: they control the duration of intimacy, increase orgasm, improve erection, kill germs, narrow the opening to the vagina and absolutely miracle (!) - rejuvenate the mucous membranes of the genitals. The price of miraculous remedies is from 250 to 400 rubles.

And finally

It is proposed to pack yourself beloved in erotic lingerie: panties on three straps with a hole in the middle (from 250 rubles), an immodest transparent shirt with an open chest (from 650 rubles), fishnet stockings with lace garters (from 1200 rubles), a tight-fitting dress with a slimming effect (from 700 rubles). It is not recommended to wear underwear under such a dress, since excited nipples will be a signal for action.

- Are you interested? - asked the seller Nikolay. - You are a brunette, red will suit you. Just forgive the immodest advice: before putting on such underwear, be sure to get an intimate haircut. The husband will be delighted.

Leaving the exhibition, I grabbed from a girl who was offering books on tantric sex, drying charged with love. According to her, she will help me reveal my hidden sexual abilities.

This is what it takes to make love! Ordinary flour drying. I wonder if our grandparents knew about this when they left for the hayloft?