How to get rid of the feeling of shame?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

They say that once there were people who had no shame. They lived peacefully and never worried about how it would look from the outside. And in front of whom could they be ashamed, if there was no one but them. They could do anything, shout out loud, sing songs, say nonsense and make love under any tree … Their names were Adam and Eve, and I envy them very much, despite their sad fate. Unlike us, they did not know the terrible words from the series "ashamed", "ugly", "indecent" and further in the dictionary of synonyms. It was a good time, golden …

Once a month I have the same dream with slight variations. It’s as if I’m standing in a crowded place completely naked. I stand and blush painfully, because it is indecent and embarrassing. Then, according to the script, I rush from corner to corner, trying to hide, but I have to go, and I try to overpower myself and take the first step. I wake up in a cold sweat and pull on the covers. Dream interpreters explain this in a very prosaic way, but I know: the worst thing in life is when you are ashamed, but how to get rid of the feeling of shame? And I'm trying to fight it. As I can.

… to waste time on trifles

Ashamed. In my opinion, this fear comes from a not very wealthy childhood. We lived poorly, but we knew how to easily relate to this and share with others. Therefore, when we become adults, we are often ashamed to waste time on trifles in the store, buy discounted vegetables, it is inconvenient to wait for a small change from the cashier, we lend less than a hundred without a refund, we are embarrassed to go to the supermarket for chewing gum and are afraid to go to the tax office for the due refund of income. tax. After all, these are all trifles and without them it is quite possible to live comfortably, and you can endure hardships, just not to seem like a petty, stingy, obsessive person …

Not ashamed. I don’t want to remind the old sayings about a penny that protects the ruble, but just believe - on this "shame" you lose a decent income. And besides, by your own weak will you encourage dishonest people. When I once again weighed 600 instead of the requested 300 grams of sausage, I decided that this could not continue. Why, in the end, am I constantly overpaying and so afraid to insist that I lose a whole avocado for dinner? I gritted my teeth chattering with fear and went into battle. The saleswoman aunt with a charming smile asked: "A little more, nothing?" I smiled broadly and said: "Only if you make a 50 percent discount!" The second time my aunt weighed 340 grams for me, I took it, but decided that this was my last weak-willed step. The next day, I came to her counter with a friend and blurted out a prepared and rehearsed phrase at home: "Weigh me, please, NO MORE THAN 400 grams of cheese!" The friend grinned maliciously. The scales showed 395 grams. With support behind them, it was much easier to deal with shame. In another store, I asked to cut off the iron tip on the sausage. In the third, she offered to buy three packs of expired kefir at half the price for pancakes. A friend diligently made a terrible expression on his face, and every time we won.

… get something for free / take a freebie

Ashamed. Oh, how embarrassing. I can earn money myself, so I don’t need a free one. And all these contests, distribution of elephants, stupid attractions are for children, because an adult knows for certain that only mice eat free cheese … Once I watched a chocolate seller on a commuter train, passing by, presented a pretty girl with a bar of chocolate. Just like that, because she was very pretty, in such a striped scarf and glasses on a snub nose. He shoved her chocolate, smiled and walked on. The girl flushed all over, began to twist the chocolate in her hands, looked for the expiration date, wrinkled her forehead and … went out at her station, leaving the chocolate on the bench. Because it's a shame, oh, how ashamed to take a freebie, especially if you have a Chanel bag on your shoulder …

Not ashamed. At school and college age, this is actually easy. But then a barrier of embarrassment appears from somewhere … And it seems to you that trying to win something is beneath your dignity, because you are an adult. My comrades and I fought this "adult" shame in a very fun and effective way - we collected bottle caps during each promotion. We have developed a whole set of rules for a "real cap collector", in which the main rule was not to buy the drink yourself. In addition, we agreed that garbage dumps are a taboo for us. In the evenings we went hunting. And how to get rid of the feeling of shame in such a situation? The most interesting thing was to get the lid in front of a large crowd of people somewhere in the middle of the sidewalk. Then another difficult step - to change the lids for a prize in the store. All this, by definition, is ashamed to do a well-to-do, serious young lady. But we did it. One less fear.

… do good deeds

Ashamed. I didn't know it was a shame until at the age of 17 I accidentally got into a scout camp. On one of our bouncy, noisy and eventful days, counselor Lisa proposed the conditions for a new game. We had to take to the streets of the city and do exceptionally good deeds. Anything. To carry bags to grandmothers, to give flowers to girls, to show a goat to crying children … We rushed at full speed into the city, but in bewilderment stopped at the very first crossroads. We were uncomfortable … And all our clumsy attempts to do good deeds caused fear and sullen glances in people. Since then, for some reason, I was embarrassed to offer help to elderly people and even give up a seat on the train …

Not ashamed. Five years passed, and I somehow got to some kind of street concert at the stadium. We lay on the grass and listened to loud songs all day. There was a tent next to us, and two men were selling balloons there - very beautiful, bright, floating up, but quite expensive for us. Late in the evening they began to roll up, and it turned out that there were quite a lot of balls left - about 15, probably. Fortunately for us, their eyes fell on us - and the remaining balls became ours absolutely free of charge and free of charge. So that's it. Then we rode home in the night subway and handed out balloons left and right. Young people gave them to their girls, children held them tightly in their hands, football fans sang their melodic chants to us, we gave them songs from our concert, and everyone passed their stops, but it was very fun, and it turned out that it was not even a shame to do good business, if you do them from the heart and fun.

… kissing / making love in public

Ashamed. I am still ashamed. And I think it's ugly. Several years ago, a friend and I sat on the grass and looked around. The couple, whom we saw not far away, were engaged in the fact that in my understanding can only happen somewhere near the bathroom … And they were very young, about 17 years old, the age of my students, and we were adults and serious people, and, it would seem, what's wrong with that?.. But somehow I felt so disgusting and disgusting, and I thought about what I would say to my child if he saw it too. In general, I am ashamed. And while I do not want to do anything about it.

Not ashamed. I've read four articles on where you can make love if not at home. I re-read them three times, bottom-up and top-down. I remembered what the toilet on the plane looked like, the interior of my old friend's Volkswagen, the spiders in the clearing near the house and the stairwells. I counted all the neighbors - old people and children who would not be able to approve of this event, remembered how I myself worked as a maid and cleaned dirty toilets after the readers of these articles, looked at my warm cozy bed, a large table in the kitchen, soft towels in the bathroom and decided. Still, it's a shame. Still ugly. I don’t want to.

… to be poor

Ashamed. I am ashamed to say that I cannot go to a cafe with everyone, because I have a hundred and a week and a half left before my paycheck. It's a shame to go with your best friend to Mexx and not buy at least a white jersey when she is buying it to its fullest. It's a shame to refuse to go with friends to the premiere at the BDT if tickets cost three thousand, but your favorite actors play there. It's a shame not to give your best friend an expensive gift and not bring souvenirs from the trip to everyone, even if your wallet is empty. And so you walk along with everyone and pretend that everything is as it should be. But in fact, you do not get pleasure from the theater, or from the cafe, or from shopping, because this is all superfluous, expensive, unnecessary. And all because of the stupid shame to seem poor.

Not ashamed. When you learn to treat money easier, you will finally realize that being poor is not even ashamed at all. And being treated is no less pleasant than treating yourself. And even asking for money from a random passer-by, because there is no token on the metro, is all not a shame at all, but very much even fun, because who knows who this casual passer-by may be. You need to stop worrying and give up on the last hundred, and not borrow, and rejoice at the opportunity to know yourself, and plant forty rose bushes under the window. Because in such moments you can learn the amazing joys of a person without money. After all, this is not only a poor person, but also a free person. And no shame should limit your freedom.

… to have such desires / feelings / dreams

Ashamed. And what are we just not ashamed of. We are ashamed of our sex preferences. We are ashamed to go to second hand. We hide the desire to eat shawarma, not sushi. We hide healthy envy and natural jealousy. I even pretend to be cynical about love, although in fact the last romantic in me will never die. My friend cannot tell her friend that she wants to get married, because it is not fashionable now, and her friend is shy about his old-fashioned parents and because of this, she still cannot decide to propose to her. I’m already silent about the fact that that same friend of mine is just ashamed to get to know his parents, because she’s too homely and calm, suddenly they don’t like them. And parents are afraid to seem too boring to their son's girlfriend and read fashionable books. We are ashamed of each other, although we think about the same thing, we are ashamed to show our sympathy, fearing that it will be misunderstood. And, probably, more than one romantic story because of this phenomenon failed before it began. Yes, this is sad, but I would like to hope that it can be fixed.

Not ashamed. If you hide your desires and do not try to realize them, they turn into fix ideas and can torment you all your life. So wave your hand and take a chance. At least you won't regret it later. After all, we always regret not what we did, but what we did not do.

Answering the question: how to get rid of the feeling of shame? Sigmund Freud said that the most proven way to overcome shame is through love. After all, when you are in love, all fears seem silly and petty to you. Maybe it's because people in love are getting stupid. Or maybe because you have no time to think about all sorts of decencies and other people's opinions. I do not know. I just think that you need to laugh at your fears, tell your loved ones and loved ones about them, draw a byaka named Shame and not be afraid of anything anymore. And then you will blush only from pleasure.