A perfect world without men

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

I warn you, all 24 hours a day I am a law-abiding citizen and a faithful wife, not engaging in fights without rules with the sex that does not wear bras and does not shave legs every day. But sometimes I want to forget about the shackles of composure and climb the barricades of feminism, so that with a lobster fork or a hot frying pan to knock off the inner conviction of men that they belong to those who have been given power over this world.

My occasional desire to climb the same step with men does not mean at all that one day I will just as well go to smash the windows of cosmetics stores or give lectures at universities"

In her "Treatise on the Vanity of Feminism" a certain Zhenya Chuprina, asking the question: "What should be an ideal man?" - she herself answers: "A good, polite, obedient boy who is obsessed with women, but does not betray anything about it. He thinks only about women, namely about one of them, but we want to be this one all together, a friend in spite of a friend He makes a lot of money, but does not talk or think about his work. Fresh and leisure. He is always ready for intercourse and reacts to the slightest change in makeup, but is only interested in the soul of a woman. And it is women. Talking to us is the same as with men, without looking at sexual characteristics, he, nevertheless, is clearly heterosexual. From him blows a man. Being all the time at our services, he is a full-fledged person, is respected in society and does not fetter our freedom.

In bed, he is passionate, determined, hygienic, enthusiastic and patient. The initiative in acquaintance comes from him, but he never clings to unfamiliar women. It is desirable that this was a high-ranking person, but our boss should not allow himself anything like that - it should be a stranger, a runaway boss.

Not even a runaway, but fallen from the sky. Falling down on us, such as we are, even if we are completely lousy and look three-plus."

And so that it doesn't happen: you washed his socks, he got them dirty for you again, and even made two holes maliciously. You made dumplings for him all day, and he came and ate them all. You cut his hair, and he splashed himself with cologne and ran to his mistress. You gave birth to a child for him, and he dodges alimony. You wrote him a dissertation, and he says: "All women are fools."

In general, if not you, then who will try to make a man out of a man, sparing no effort and money, not breaking into a cry, not breaking dishes and not rushing time. And only in rare moments with a secret hope will dream of the real WORLD. Maybe it would not be better than the current one, but how interesting it would be to live in it …

Men would be allergic to beer, vodka, wine, rum, gin, moonshine, triple cologne, dichlorvos, cockroach poisoning agent: tobacco and herring (anchovy, taranka …).

Bruce Willis, Leo DiCaprio, Richard Gere, Antonio Banderas, Brad Pitt as the rolling red banner would be awarded quarterly production editorials. Exceeded the norm, excelled at work - take a famous man for your own purposes. And now try not to be taken over by a friend in a few weeks, inspired by your labor exploits by your stories, what the movie hero has inherited in bed does in bed.

All men would be able to say non-trivial things, compose poetry, sing serenades under the window of their beloved, cook soup, take the child to kindergarten, sew on buttons, wash the floors and put a friendly smile on her face when your mother decided to stay with you for a week or two.

Every man would be born with the mindset "to give joy to a woman!" and by his puberty he mastered the science of caressing a woman's breasts, bringing his partner to orgasm, wanting her and only her always and everywhere, bringing new sensations into sex life, inventing all kinds of bed games …

In the matrix of any man it should be laid down: "You are monogamous!". There is one woman in your life, the best one for you, others do not exist!"

Instead of rings on the finger when marrying, men would wear iron condoms with a combination lock in a causal place, the code of which would only be known by a woman who had become a wife.

Every time a man dumped his girlfriend, his penis would be shortened by three centimeters.

The toilet lid would open when a man entered the toilet and would return to its original position upon exiting.

For dirty and smelly socks scattered throughout the apartment, their owner would be put on bread and water for three days.

An iron heated to red would mean: don't come, I'm not in the mood today, and iron the linen yourself. As well as take out the trash, cook dinner, go for groceries, put the child to bed, telling him a good story before going to bed.

March 8 would be celebrated once a month, and men who got off with a branch of mimosa were obliged to give their wife all their salaries, nest egg, bonuses and other income for the rest of the year.

To protect against unwanted pregnancy, during intercourse, it would be necessary to keep your fingers crossed.

All men would be called the same, so as not to be mistaken and not to name the husband by the name of his closest friend, who has been occupying a missionary position in your matrimonial bed for several months now.

After watching a football match (broadcasting competitions in judo, karate, sumo …), the man had a need to dig up a vegetable garden, make repairs in an apartment, take his beloved woman to the Bolshoi Theater or make a couple of cute offspring.

Action films, porn films, thrillers and horror films would be banned from showing, and each news release began with information about whether Juanita had given birth, how Marisabel maintains her beauty, what methods of protection Conchita uses, why Cece Capfel has such potency …

And so that on each fence an analogue of Nietzsche's phrase was written: "The perfect woman is a higher type of person than the perfect man, but something much rarer. The natural scientific study of animals provides a means to confirm this position."

Of course, with the proviso that the number of beautiful and smart is growing catastrophically.

And what can you do for the sake of a man …