Behind the feeling of loneliness on February 14

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Pity is destructive. It makes us passive and lack of initiative, develops the habit of being unhappy and just going with the flow instead of living life to the fullest. But it is not our fault that we experience such a feeling - after all, the habit of feeling sorry for ourselves is not formed immediately and imperceptibly.

Psychologist Natalia Draga tells about what this can lead to and why it is important to take timely measures and deal with the problem.

Where does self-pity come from?

How many people have you met who truly love themselves? Unlikely. But those who constantly complain about life, blame circumstances or others and expect pity in return - much more. Why?

123RF / Evgeniia Kuzmich

In our culture, self-love has long been perceived as selfishness. Children were brought up in severity, so as not to spoil, and women were required to be strong, not gentle and caring. One could only love the Motherland. But pity has always been welcomed - both in relation to oneself and to others.

The prerequisites for the formation of this feeling go back to childhood. For example, the lack of parental love and attention makes the child feel unnecessary. He regards this behavior of adults as a signal: "I am rejected!", And begins to feel sorry for himself.

Another, no less common situation, when a mother focuses on her son or daughter only during their illness: she takes care, gives some relief in the regime - for example, she allows him to lie on the couch all day, not do homework and drink tea with delicious jam. While a healthy child receives nothing but nagging and severity.

123RF / boumenjapet

And then, with age, pity becomes a habitual substitute for love and a way to attract attention, get support and care.

Features of behavior

A person who loves himself will not sit passively and suffer: he is ready to take responsibility for his life and change what does not suit him. While a person with a tendency to self-pity has a habit of being sad or sick and receiving attention from others for this. This scenario turns into a way of life over time.

Of course, this does not mean that you need to be heartless and not show empathy. But with constant pity, you provoke the sufferer to continue to adhere to the role of the victim and relieve him of responsibility for his own life.

123RF / Dmytro Zinkevych

Instead of this destructive feeling, it is much more appropriate to show sincere love and provide real help aimed at encouraging self-solving problems.

Victim Role: Benefits

Why do people choose the position of the victim, instead of solving their problems in a timely manner and living happily? Because in their inner world, pity is equal to love. If they become successful and healthy, those around them will stop feeling sorry for them! This means that such necessary attention will be lost, as well as the care and support of family and friends.

Victim people suffer regardless of their circumstances. Those who are lonely complain about the absence of a second half. Those who have a couple constantly find a reason to be offended by her; as a result, when she breaks down and leaves, they suffer again, then they find another applicant and continue to suffer in a new relationship.

Loneliness on Valentine's Day - a reason for complaints or actions?

Valentine's Day will give all "sufferers" an amazing opportunity to enjoy sadness and longing to their fullest. You can mourn your loneliness, drink alcohol and complain about the lack of worthy people of the opposite sex. And family “victims” will have a great opportunity to take offense at their partner and feel sorry for themselves for the presence of an unworthy person nearby.

I can console all those who are abandoned and suffering about this on the eve of St. no.

123RF / Evgeny Atamanenko

Indeed, for one person, loneliness is an occasion to find new love, while for another it is a great opportunity to feel sorry for the unfortunate one and enjoy their suffering.

So how do you learn to love yourself?

To begin with, sincerely forgive all offenders and guilty ones. Starting from the parents and ending with the previous parterre. Stop blaming everyone around you and realize that only you and no one else are responsible for your life.

Of course, ideally, seek professional help - a psychologist will help you sort out the sources of your grievances and find that inner support on the basis of which you can build a new, happy life. Thanks to this, you will be able to fulfill your basic needs - including the desire to be loved.

If you are ready to cope with the problem on your own, then first you need to forget once and for all all the expressions of the victim: “How unhappy I am,” “Poor I am unhappy,” “Why am I doing this,” and so on. And instead, learn the language of love - that is, start praising yourself! It’s not in vain that they say: “You cannot praise yourself - no one will do it”.

123RF / NejroN

It is important not to skimp on praise and approve of every little thing done: washed floor, watered flowers, walking the dog, passing a report or exam. Moreover, you need to speak words of encouragement from the outside - just like in the video of the Leningrad group: “Who is great? I'm fine fellow!" (and also "smart, beautiful, talented and successful").

Smile in the morning at your reflection in the mirror, love and pamper yourself and be happy!