Male jealousy - where can it lead and how to live with it?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

For a long time, the name of Shakespeare's Othello has become a household name, and now all jealous people are called that way. However, if you listen to women, male jealousy spurs relationships in a couple, raises the heat of passion and flatter female pride - he is jealous, he shows attention, he loves me.

Ladies, is that so? And can jealousy really play into the hands of your relationship, or will it ever lead to strangulation? Julia Lanske - an expert in building relationships, a psychologist and love-coach # 1 in the world according to the international iDate Awards 2019 - will tell you when jealousy can be good, how not to share the fate of Desdemona and how to build a relationship with a man who took the role of Othello.

Male jealousy is a very controversial emotion, the shades of which a woman needs to learn to interpret correctly. How my friend, actor, psychotherapist and co-author of trainings for women Alexander Rapoport does not get tired of repeating “Think, why is he jealous? What is behind this?”.

To better understand the situation, let's understand the foundation of male jealousy.

3 types of men

If we move away from the standard psychological phrase “If a person is jealous, then this indicates his lack of confidence in himself,” although this is not always true, all jealous people can be divided into 3 types.

Type 1. Jealous for every post

Jealousy in such men is manifested through completely unfounded claims and scenes literally from scratch. To cope with his jealousy, a man needs to see a psychotherapist.

Type 2. Jealous periodically

In this case, the main catalyst that activates the Othello regime in the man is, oddly enough, the woman herself. A lot of factors can contribute here, which we will talk about below.

Type 3. Doesn't get jealous at all

As a rule, there can be 2 cases - either the man simply does not give a damn about you or he is so confident in himself and in you that he does not consider it necessary to waste his inner resources on jealousy.

After you figured out which of the types of men your partner belongs to (in this article we will not consider type 3), observe yourself and answer honestly - are you provoking him to jealousy or not? If provoking, how often do you do it? Are you aware of your provocations or do they happen unconsciously? If you do, then what are your benefits from these provocations? Why are you doing it? What does it give you?

Often, a woman does not even realize that she provokes her man into jealousy and shifts responsibility for his emotions only to himself, and then there is a sincere surprise, which is replaced by irritation and rejection of a partner. Therefore, our task, ladies, is to learn to understand the causes of male jealousy in order to elegantly and gracefully stop it, and also use it for the benefit of our relationship.

5 female provocations

So, in what cases can a woman, consciously or unconsciously, awaken Othello in a man?

You smell like sex

Defiantly tight outfits, deep neckline, extreme mini … This is the case when a woman's wardrobe is tuned to the wave of sexuality. Is there anything wrong with that? Yes. If you are in a serious relationship with a man and at the same time consider him as your future spouse, or you already wear the cherished ring on your ring finger, your image should correspond to the image of a “woman-wife”, and not contradict it.

Two-facedness

At home, you go with a bun on your head and in stretched sweatpants, and when you visit your friends, for a walk and to work, do you turn from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan? Even the calmest man will ask the question “Why don't I see this swan in my bedroom or at dinner?”

Too mysterious

You don't tell him about a lot, you keep silent about a lot, and you don't even cover the problems in business or at work that you have to solve by phone from home? Congratulations, the man has already come up with two lovers who are vying for your attention.

Hostage of flirting

You flirt and flirt with colleagues, taxi drivers, waiters and shop assistants, smiling sweetly at your man and telling him “this is unconscious, this is just flirting,” while the man turns on Othello mode. Yes, maybe you do not have enough communication with your partner and flirting with a stranger is really unintentional, but your chosen one perceives it completely differently.

Popular Lady

You have a large circle of acquaintances and friends, among whom there are a large number of men, and you are also on good terms with colleagues at work, your boss loves you and, in general, you are a very sociable girl. Often in such a situation, there are stories about Petya / Vasya / Kolya, whom you met by chance and drank coffee. And yes, it was just coffee and a casual conversation, but a spark of jealousy has already slipped in the man, which is slowly turning into a flame fanned by your sociability.

If in this list you saw at least one point about yourself, then you have already received the answer to the question “Why is he jealous of me”. But let's figure out what to do with this jealousy further and how not to repeat the fate of Desdemona, if suddenly your Othello disperses in earnest?

5 rules for relationships without jealousy

Small doses of jealousy can really kick-start the flames of your relationship and add pepper to it. But for this you do not need to cross the boundaries of playfulness and coquetry, getting yourself a potential suitor on the side or responding to smiles to everyone in a row. Believe me, a man will turn more and more on you every day if you are an interesting, passionate, light and harmonious person, and not a sex bomb that he is afraid to bring out into the light.

So, let's look at 5 basic rules that will help you build relationships without jealousy, get rid of it if jealousy is already overtaking harmony in your couple, and also understand how many “spices” you need to add to keep the dish tasty and loved.

Rule # 1. Your role

A woman in a relationship can take on different roles - a lover, a fighting friend, a teacher, a wife, etc. But what do you think is the most winning and long-lasting role? That's right, the role of a woman-wife, because in the necessary parts she combines everything that a man appreciates - as in the joke about “there is a tigress in the bed, a hostess in the kitchen”.

Rule # 2. Your image

A woman-wife is hidden sexuality, elegance, grace, grace and charm. Analyze your wardrobe and add to it what suits the given image, if you do not have enough such items of clothing now.

I tell you more about the image of a woman-wife and her wardrobe on my YouTube channel. I also give examples of successful outfits, color schemes, accessories, dresses, skirts, etc. Be sure to find this video!

Rule # 3. No provocations

You already know what provocations, knowingly or unknowingly, women can use to make their man jealous. And also you probably understand how you can provoke. Give up this way of manipulating your man's emotions and learn to reveal flirting and coquetry in yourself, which will ignite the flame of a relationship much more environmentally friendly.

Rule # 4. Empathy for a partner

Sometimes your man can be jealous from scratch, and at this moment it is important for you to stop and think, “Why is he jealous now?”. Maybe you somehow provoked this emotion? Or did the man just have a difficult day and he transferred this negativity to you?"

Rule # 5. Priorities

If you do not provoke your man, and he is jealous of you anyway, think about it - maybe he lacks your attention and confidence in your feelings? Try to take more care of your loved one, give him compliments, show interest in him and his work or hobby. Believe me, when a man is confident in you and at the same time does not see provocations, he simply does not need to be jealous.

Immediately, I note that these rules mainly apply to the second type of men from the list that we have identified with you above. If your man belongs to the first or third type, then the actions are as follows:

1. The first type - talk to a man about his pathological jealousy and try to understand what is the reason for it. Explain for your part that this jealousy is unpleasant for you and that you do not like that quarrels are uncomfortable for you and that you are worried - in general, share your point of view with the man on this aspect of the relationship. But do not take the position of “you are so and so”, but speak only for yourself “it is unpleasant for me, offends me, I am upset”. If after this conversation nothing changes, try wisely to nudge the man to see a therapist if Desdemona's fate is not to your liking;
2. The third type - here we have 2 options, remember? If a man is not jealous, because he is confident in himself, then you can be glad for you, since you have a mature and harmonious personality in front of you. If a man doesn't give a damn about you, then do you need this relationship?

And finally, I want to urge you to always and in everything remain a wise woman-wife, because such a woman knows what and when to say, how to say it and how to get what she wants from a man, how to competently stop conflicts and turn any negativity to the benefit of the relationship. If you are already studying this art or just want to master it, then I, Julia Lanske, are happy to invite you to my open seminars and on social networks - ask questions, get answers and we will be in touch.

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