Excellent student of good behavior

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

I remember that I told the boss that I wanted to take a day off: I had to go about my business abroad. She insisted on a day off on Thursday, when the whole office was at the seminar, that is, there would still be nothing to do. And I caught myself explaining to her for five minutes already that it was impossible to take a ticket for that Thursday, because it turned out to be very expensive, and the flight was indirect, and the flight took off at six in the morning …

It would seem that such an elementary thing is that you are entitled to time off according to all laws, especially after you constantly go home at nine in the evening instead of six. But even here I considered myself obliged to justify why I chose a day that was convenient for me, and not for my colleagues. How many times a day do we go out of our way to be a comfortable, problem-free, good girl for everyone ?!

Excellent student of good behavior, what is this beast? When she is three years old, she obediently stuffs porridge into herself, although she is already full, because "porridge is useful." When she is eight years old, she almost cries at the sight of a four in her diary, because she knows that "you can study well, you just don't try." At thirteen she is an already formed "excellent student", not so much for academic performance as for the eternal desire to follow the advice of elders and behave well. At seventeen, she chooses the university where decent (decent, smart) girls study. Then he chooses a young man who fits into the image of a "good girl" life partner. At twenty-five, she is an ideal employee from the point of view of colleagues, who is ridden by all and sundry and who is a little despised for his constant willingness to adapt to someone else's opinion.

A good girl tries to be:

Polite and friendly with the service staff, who feel it and call her "you". A good girl agrees to a haircut offered by a hairdresser because she convinced her right in the chair. A good girl will never admit to her mother that she has problems with her boyfriend, because everything should always be fine with her.

It turns out that being a good girl means striving to meet expectations. Strangers and our own.

Excellent student of good behavior such was Marina. She did well in school, university and graduate school. Having defended her dissertation without any problems, she got a job in a private lyceum. It would seem that this is her vocation. Courteous and conflict-free, she was to become a favorite teacher. But it turned out the other way around. Marina turned out to be completely incapable of restraining even the most shameless lazy person. Indeed, in response, he could say rude or leave the lesson. And Marina cherished her reputation as a person who knows how to get along with everyone like the apple of her eye and believed that, as Dale Carnegie teaches, you can negotiate amicably with any person. It all ended with the fact that the class was loose and the academic performance by the end of the year was terrible, the attendance was reduced almost to nothing. Marina was afraid to inform the truant's parents about the deeds of the child: what if they say that she is a bad teacher, since the children are not interested in her lessons?

Admittedly, the line between "Carnegie girl" and "good girl" is very thin, and the definitions of the first and the second are very contradictory. There are too many authoritative sources in life that teach that one should turn the other cheek, and the first and foremost of them is the Bible. Perhaps the fact is that in the conditions of fierce competition according to the law of the jungle, we feel the need to balance aggression and friendliness and re-remember what kind books taught us in childhood. Or maybe the fact is that an exemplary attentive attitude towards others is a very dexterous tool of manipulation, which in these "rat races" must be learned and used in one's own interests. The one that follows the second principle is Carnegie Girl.

The one who goes first is the "good girl"

It was a girl. For a girl, she lacks independence, because she did not grow out of seven years in behavior. She is trying in everything to do as she was once ordered. The very expression "good girl" contains the assessment that she was once given by someone very important in her life. And she strives all her life to justify her. Until this burden of "goodness" becomes too overwhelming.

Veronica has always considered herself smart in terms of relationships with men. She chuckled as she read how a certain L. got involved in a fight with a certain P. without sharing M.'s love. Does a true woman do that? When her own husband began to disappear in the evenings at work, Veronica did not conduct interrogations with partiality, did not arrange tantrums and did not kick him out of the house. She knew her worth and intelligently waited for the passions on that front to ferment. This continued until Veronica suddenly realized that she was suffocating from unshed tears, her unspoken questions and his constant lies. I didn't want anything anymore - neither the image of an intelligent woman, nor a husband. However, he too. Without the participation of the main irritating factor - the wife - passions on that front managed to painlessly develop into a serious relationship.

Have you ever noticed that, smiling at someone or doing a favor, you seem to be playing a role? Why are you doing this not from the heart, but because it is so NECESSARY? Excellent student of good behavior, this is especially true for young people in professions that require customer service. Novice PR manager, sales consultant, sales manager. Professional servility is imperceptibly carried over into everyday life, and even with the cashier you act as if your commission depends on her.

Another risk group is clever

with a constant A for exemplary behavior. Having learned to obey the parents and educators in kindergarten, you transfer this to the teachers, then to the teachers of the university, then to the boss in the office. Once upon a time, my grandmother could not get enough of you when you gave way to her in transport and firmly knew that "elders must be respected." Now you automatically "respect" everyone who is older than you - even those whom you see for the first and last time in your life, you subconsciously consolidate the right of superiority over you.

Finally, you can simply be naturally receptive to other people's opinions and dependent on other people's assessments and expectations. In this case, a portrait of how a "good girl" should look and behave has formed in your head. This portrait is adjusted depending on the circumstances, but the general angle remains the same: the portrait is always smiling. Therefore, you in every possible way avoid situations when you might be hurt. You do what they want from you so as not to experience other people's negative emotions.

Olga used the services of a lawyer. The lawyer knew his worth, Olga was a classic "good girl". He spent hours talking about his celebrity, answering the simplest question for a long time and confusingly, and if she finally lost her temper, he condescendingly asked her not to worry. She completely flew out of her head that it was she who was paying him for his work, therefore, ordering the music was her prerogative, not his.

Olga worked in a women's crisis center. One day, a lawyer called her at work and asked for contact information for three similar centers in another city. Olga suddenly got angry: “He didn't even ask if it was convenient for me to talk, in fact I was very busy. Didn't ask for a favor, even though we're not even buddies. He just said that he needed information, as if I was his personal assistant."

One fine moment, you suddenly realize:

Everything!!! This cannot go on any longer. When Olga firmly announced that she was very busy now and asked to drop the names by e-mail, the lawyer was surprised and reluctantly agreed. But he did not throw it off. “No,” said unexpectedly harshly, became a trigger for a new perception of life. "For the first time in two years of meeting a new delight for me, I felt myself with him on an equal footing - a person with his own life, and not an obedient addition to his career."

The ability to say "no" is only the first step from an obedient girl to a free and confident girl. Read about what other skills will be useful to you in the formation of you as a person in the "About You" section of our women's online magazine!