How to get rid of the good girl syndrome

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

How many times have we heard from parents: “Be a good girl. Don't do that, don't say that. Some of us, even as adults, continue to repeat to ourselves that we must be correct and be liked by others. And everything seems to be fine, everything seems to be the way our mothers and fathers taught us. But only such a life approach does not bring satisfaction. And often, on the contrary, it alienates women from their simple human happiness.

Who is the "good girl"?

She does everything in the name of others, nothing for herself. She wants to be useful to others, to evoke the most positive feelings in them. She must constantly pass all life exams for five, for example, motherhood. It is scary for a "good girl" to imagine that she will be discussed and criticized. Well, how is it, she's a real "angel in the flesh."

Many “good girls” do not even realize that their desire to be calm, balanced, their desperate desire to make a good impression, and their tendency to feel guilty in most situations are not just character traits. In fact, these are psychological barriers that a person places in front of himself, believing that he is not worthy of happiness just for what he is. "Good girls" are sure that happiness must be earned.

What is the risk of "good girl" syndrome

Everything is extremely simple - such a syndrome really prevents us from living. A modest "good girl" will never hint that she wants to be promoted up the career ladder (this is ugly: if necessary, they will notice how wonderful she is), she sits quietly in a corner while others exchange an ordinary office chair for a boss's chair.

A "good girl" does not feel her own femininity, let alone sexuality - all the more so! This is not decent and frivolous! She does not indulge herself with beautiful feminine little things in the form of a new bottle of perfume or a seductive set of lingerie. And if he does pamper, then he experiences terrible remorse, because the same money could have been spent on something more useful.

The "good girl" does not know how to defend her point of view. She is afraid that she will look like a brawler, and therefore, she will lose the approving attitude of others. This is exactly what she cannot afford. Fear and self-doubt live inside her.

Well, and, finally, the "good girl" hides grievances, which entails serious psychological problems. Wishing, again, not to seem hysterical, she does not make it clear to those around her that something has offended her. As a result, there is an internal imbalance, similar to a time bomb. As a result, it can "jerk" in earnest.

How to get rid of the good girl syndrome

First of all, it is important to understand that it is really hard for you because you are constantly forced to conform to the ideas of others. As if you do not have the right to a rash act - no one expects it from you. You allow other people to sit on your neck. And, most importantly, you are deprived of the opportunity at least sometimes to live spontaneously, without plans and obligations, the way your heart tells you. You will not be accepted and condemned.

Not at all a rosy prospect, is it? If you understand that all this is about you, and if you really want to destroy the image of a "good girl", then let's get down to decisive action.

1. Try to be a bad girl. But without promiscuity and "all heavy"! Think, what is it? She loves herself, considers someone else's opinion only a possible alternative to her point of view, but not the ultimate truth, she knows how to enjoy simple feminine little things and feels great when she buys red lipstick (not because she is a vamp woman, but because she understands - such a thing should be in a cosmetic bag, you never know what). Do not think that the "bad girl" is a narcissistic selfish person. In fact, she's not that bad. An ordinary girl who knows her own worth and knows how to love, and not sacrifice herself in the name of love.

2. Listen to yourself - what do you want at the moment? If you are dreaming of a bath with scented oils, take it. You will find time to do your chores anyway, but carve it out for yourself as well. "Good girls" don't do that? Yes, those who value and respect themselves do this.

3. Allow yourself to be wrong. Do not think that you will be stoned for any, even the smallest, oversight. Nothing of the kind - millions of people are wrong, and you are not a saint. Having done something wrong at least once, you realize that you can continue to live. And even necessary, because they learn from mistakes.

4. When you once again feel that you are overwhelmed by a wave of resentment, let it "pour out" out. Let it be as calm as possible, but tell the abuser that he just hurt your feelings. Gradually, you will get a taste and understand that it is even pleasant to defend your rights.

5. Unlearn people from the fact that you can "ride". Refuse as accurately as possible once, then another, then a third. In the end, the person will understand that you will not fulfill his requests, and will either do everything himself or find a new "good girl".