The family is one. But not husband and wife

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

As sociologists rejoiced when they discovered ten years ago that loneliness had ceased to be a social leprosy. They, sociologists, that is, generally take human troubles so close to their hearts that they immediately begin to explain to everyone why and how it happened.

And nothing special happened. It's just that women have learned to provide for themselves, it's just that men have mastered household appliances, it's just that the recreation industry has become so developed that even the New Year, a traditional family holiday, can be found in the circle of distant, non-native, but completely sane people.

It's simple … Only for some reason, retreating, the traditional family does not want to give in. Let not husband and wife, and not parents and children, let it be two yesterday still strangers, but they begin to live together and call themselves a family.

Girl is preferable

These are the words I read in an Internet ad about joint apartment rentals. At the end of the line there was an unambiguous: "Do not offer intimacy. Maxim." And then, I thought, why does he need a girl?

We phoned, and Maxim clearly and distinctly explained to me his theory.

- It's just an option for living together. But, in order not to get confused, let's call it family right away. Why a girl and not a guy? Well … - here for the only time he lost the tempo of his speech, but he quickly found:

- You are not the first to ask this. It's just easier to get along with a girl, it's easier to run a household. Besides, no one would call him gay for sure.

Actually, Maxim has already planned everything for a long time. He offers to rent a two-room apartment, he has one in mind, to run a joint household, throwing off for food and all sorts of household needs there. In general, live as a family. At the same time, he immediately stipulated that it had nothing to do with his personal life.

- Like this? I ask stupidly.

- Usually. We will meet, take a closer look at each other, and if we approach, we will live like a family, but if we have hobbies, we will implement them "on the road."

Apparently, I'm not the first to be stupid on this point, so Maxim irritably asked:

- Have you ever read the Family Code?

- Well, in general.

- Not in general, but specifically. There, by the way, nothing is said about the obligatory nature of intimate relationships.

- Well, okay, but if we have such feelings?

- Between us? - clarified my interlocutor.

- Yes, - I answered somehow uncertainly, - or, maybe, on the side.

- Everything is clear here, if we are on the side, on the side and we will understand, and if between us … - we will solve problems as they come. And in general, I know people who live like this for years and feel great.

I promised to think about it and hung up in complete disbelief. It turns out that I also know families in which SO people live for years and, indeed, feel great.

We have one weakness - men

When Igor and Inga decided to rent an apartment together and run a common household, their acquaintances slandered that it was for cover. But Igor did not hide his unconventional orientation at all, however, and did not demonstrate it, as it is now common for many.

Igor and Inga are colleagues: they work in a beauty salon. He is a master stylist, she is a beautician. She was married, but, as she herself says, she washed away safely and on time. And she began to live with Igor, because it is more convenient for both of them. They rent an apartment near work. The house has clearly divided responsibilities (what family does not dream about it!): He loves to cook and does it amazingly, she gladly buys him shirts and knits scarves. They go to the market together and give the impression of a friendly couple.

- For me, the main thing is that my relatives and friends have calmed down, they do not itch anymore, that I am all alone and alone. Well, what can I do if I have not met a person with whom I would like to live, sleep, have children. That is, one thing - please, but so that all three conditions coincide - I did not meet. And with Igor I am calmer. At least I know that if I don't return home in the evening, there will be someone to look for me. And this is not important. The main thing is, in general, there is someone to return to.

Inga is a doctor, and therefore I can ask her some things directly:

- And you never had the feeling that there is a man next to you, that he can be close to you, that you can have children?

- Listen. You were married? So, have you always felt that the one with whom you are married is really close to you and you both need these mythical children? And that at any moment, forgive the frankness, when you want it, you will get it?

Inga did not wait for an answer, looked into my eyes and stated with satisfaction:

- That's it.

Igor called us into the kitchen, poured tea into cups, apologized when he heard the phone call, and left, closing the door behind him.

- You see, - Inga continued, - we both have the right to privacy, and at the same time our relationship is much stronger than any heartfelt hobbies. We see a lot in the same way, it is easy for us to agree, we are not close to each other, but in the family it is very important.

At this time, Igor returns, and Inga, having exchanged glances with him and seeing something in his face, hugged his shoulders and said slightly mockingly: "And in general, we have a common weakness - men!"

Gossip doesn't live long

Now it remains to admit the main thing. I also have such a family. The son grew up and got married, my husband died, and I, accustomed to what is called a family routine, found myself alone. Don't tell me about work and friends, about good books and communication with nature. I had all this, but there was not enough light in the window when you return home. There was a lack of domestic competition in who would be the first to take on a new book or a fresh newspaper. There was no one to sit with in the evenings over a cup of green tea …

And when we decided to live together with the same lonely friend, the gossip was also raked to the very top. The most innocent - that we are lesbians, more sophisticated - that I got into her confidence in order to take over her apartment. But after six months the gossip subsided and our friends began to admit that they envy our family. And we are really a family, because (Maxim was right), in the Family Code, nowhere is it said about sex "without fail." There is trust, there is understanding, there is a desire to arrange your life according to some reasonable standards, because in the past you have already burned yourself.

Household rules

As a rule, people live in families who have already had time to sip loneliness. Through material well-being and social adaptation, a feeling still breaks through that one feels good only when there is someone to tell about it. There is no courtship period in such families, but there is a period of biased acquaintance. Maxim, for example, very carefully asks about preferences, bad habits, the rhythm of life, so that later there will be no misunderstandings in the family.

There is a reasonable grain in this. If some of my acquaintances had determined before the wedding that one of them was an "owl" and the other a "lark", their common life would have been completely different. Or it would not exist at all.

Among the general rules of living together - being - the calculated budget for the economy. This is also the right thing, which is not always observed in traditional families. He just kind of gave his wife money for the household, and they've already disappeared!

And how not to envy the clear distribution of habitats. Here, in the kitchen, we are together, but don't go here - this is my personal corner! I'm nursing my own problems here and I don't want anyone to see my face.

Romantic hobbies are only on the side. Inga, for example, admitted that she began to have a different relationship with representatives of the opposite sex, as soon as they find out that it is impossible for her - a man lives there.

- My boyfriends first think, then ask who he is to me, I answer that he is a friend, and instead of turning around and leaving, they start courting even more actively. Maybe it's this imaginary competition that provokes them so much?

Perverts or Returnees?

Why not hear enough about such families! If there are two men, then they are necessarily homosexuals. If a man and a woman, then he is certainly gay, and she is almost a pimp, she invites men into the house …

It's strange: when someone tells us that his family life does not imply an intimate relationship, our inflamed fantasy turns on.

And for me, we are not perverts, but rather returnees. We are one of those normal people who, by any means, wants to return to the family as a basis, hope, form of life and love.