Breath of treason

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Earlier it seemed to me that cheating is a terrible and unforgivable thing. This is the collapse of illusions and hopes, this is a misfortune, this is what makes you forever disappointed in men, in love and fidelity, sometimes in life in general. I still think so. But…

Life sometimes changes our beliefs. And the understanding comes that everything is not so simple.

There are many reasons for betrayal, there are even more reasons. "Sin is sweet, but man is greedy." It can be a cooling in relationships, monotony, monotony of life, a desire to experience something new, unusual. One played a game, flirting with a new interesting man, the other responds with cheating to inattention, rudeness, lack of normal trusting relationships in the family, the third takes revenge with infidelity for her husband's betrayal, the fourth simply does not want to deny herself anything, regardless of the feelings of a loving man.

There are couples who have connections on the side, do not hide them from each other and are supposedly happy. I don’t know, I didn’t get into the soul of such “lucky ones”. Perhaps these are people of the future for whom sex is not associated with feelings. But we live in the present and we have everything as it is.

So far, most people have a negative attitude towards adultery, although they sometimes allow themselves "incidents of a female (male) order." Anecdotes are composed about unfaithful wives like: "My husband has returned from a business trip …" (by the way, why only about wives?) And stories are told that have ruined lives and ruined their reputation.

Nobody is insured

Each of us at different moments in life approached betrayal, felt her breath, and either retreated, remembering her beloved husband, obligations, reputation, shame, fear of exposure, etc., or succumbed to temptation, then convincing himself of normality and logic what happened. Nobody is insured, because it is really easy to change.

: I love my husband very much. We have a reverent and tender relationship. Besides, we are best friends. It is impossible to explain our feelings for each other, but the one who loved each other and happily will understand me. I always knew that I would never change After all, this is such a betrayal that cannot be forgiven.

Once I went on a business trip to another city. It was summer, and the city was by the sea. Another employee of the company, a pleasant, intelligent man, went with me. And in the evening of a difficult day, after the conference, we found ourselves in a bar on the beach. We drank coffee, ate ice cream, and hardly spoke. Coolness emanated from the water, the air seemed unusually clean and transparent. Suddenly I felt his hand firmly cover my hand. It happened so naturally, simply. And I suddenly wanted terribly for this man to pounce on me with kisses, caresses, with all the passion. A picture of violent sex flashed through my mind. Our lips found each other in a split second, after which we, without saying a word, got up from the table and went, as they say, "to the rooms."

But the hotel was in turmoil, someone was robbed. Noise, shouting, questioning … We were temporarily separated in different directions, separated. The moment was lost.

When he knocked on the door of my room at night, I did not open it. My brains have already started working in the right direction, and the realization of what pangs of conscience I will experience all my life after this business trip affair did not allow me to follow the lead of the "basic instinct."

Physical treason, moral treason

Let's not be honest, saying that you can have a bunch of mistresses on the side, but at the same time adore your wife, that is, not cheat. And, conversely, live your whole life with one woman, but at the same time not love her, dream of freedom, that is, be unfaithful. Yes, such situations happen quite often in our life. And, figuratively speaking, the absence of love can be called moral betrayal.

But all these reflections are from the field of philosophy and psychological games. I suggest not to confuse concepts and call things by their proper names.

Here is the most primitive test. What will you think if a friend comes running to you in tears and says about her husband: "He cheated on me!" Of course, you will understand without further ado: he slept with another woman. That's all. This is the main criterion for cheating - sex. Not thoughts, not desires, not words, but action - sex.

Should a kiss be considered cheating? This is the first step to cheating, but not cheating as such yet. This is the virtual intersection where you can still turn back, although neon signs inviting you to a new life are invitingly glowing at all the forks.

Should the thought of having sex with another person be considered cheating? Of course not. In our thoughts, we can kill, but this does not mean that the murder actually happened. A good half of women fantasize from time to time about Brad Pitt, Bruce Willis or Alexander Domogarov. But this does not prevent them from remaining faithful and loving wives.

Constant thoughts about another man, with, as they say, a living husband - this is not betrayal, but dislike, cooling of feelings, how long - time will tell. There are several ways out of this: an attempt to understand the problem and renew the relationship with her husband, parting for a while to take a break from each other, and finally, a divorce. Some consider cheating a way out, not suspecting that it is, in fact, a dead end. Because the knowledge that you have cheated on your husband burdens your existence, imperceptibly destroys your once unshakable moral foundations and at any moment, when solving a "crime", can put an end to your personal life, if, of course, you still want to save your family.

Shut up like a fish

As we have already found out, no one is immune from treason: neither the windy girl, nor the noble mother of the family. But, has this happened to you just one time, or such a thing as betrayal is systematically present in your life, the question invariably arises: should you tell your husband about your sin? After all, this is really the most painful state - to experience a whole storm of negative emotions inside yourself. Especially if you cheated "by accident" and love your husband immensely.

"It is imperative to tell about the betrayal - you should not experience it in yourself. Repent, and if a man forgives you, you together, having cleansed yourself through suffering and feeling catharsis, will be able to easily and joyfully live on."

What naivety! Never, never tell your husband about cheating! Even if he starts to suspect something, even if he begs you to tell the truth, even if he swears that he will never leave you, just save him from painful doubts - tell me, did you cheat !? No. No. No. Here is the only correct answer. Why? Let's think about it.

Suppose that you "confessed everything to him, obeyed, burst into tears." Let's say he loves you so much that he did not leave, did not leave, and you continue to live together. As if nothing had happened. As if. What's going on with him? A worm of doubt about you crawled into his thoughts forever. When you are late at work, when you are visiting a friend, when your phone for some reason does not answer - where are you really, who are you with, who is next to you? And why, when you come home, do you so evasively answer questions about where and with whom you were? Perhaps you are so mysterious because you just bought a gorgeous birthday present for your beloved husband. And he has already wound himself a whole story about how you secretly met with your lover, and now you smile, remembering how good you were with that man. Oh you whore!

And it is impossible to dissuade him, because you have already done it once! So, in his opinion, you don't need to change anything again.

And what is going on in a woman's soul after her husband forgave her betrayal, and they continued to live together? Pierce Paul Reid, author of The Married Man, draws the following scenario: “If a wife is unfaithful to her husband, she presents him with a choice, which in any case is unambiguous - the family collapses: either he does not forgive her and they get divorced, or forgives, well, let's say, pretends not to notice the adultery, and as a result, the marriage is still unhappy. The wife despises her husband and sooner or later leaves for the owner of the brighter feathers. Indeed, gradually a woman loses respect for a man who forgives her betrayal, and the family falls apart.

So, no matter what suspicions swarm in your husband's soul, while he does not know the truth, there is a chance that you will still be happy. If in the future you behave like a faithful wife, his doubts will gradually dissipate, and perhaps he will convince himself that it was his blind jealousy, which has no grounds. But the fact of your betrayal will be imprinted in his brain forever. And even after many years, being (well, let's say!) An old senile, he will forget your name, but he will not forget about THIS, and, lying in bed with a hot water bottle and a duck in an embrace, pointing at you with a dry finger, will venomously utter: "Witch, she pointed her horns. I curse!"

Love is the most important and valuable feeling in our life, for the sake of preserving which it is worth holding back momentary impulses and desires. But if you still could not restrain yourself - keep what happened a secret from everyone. And may your loved one be just as faithful to you all your life, at least never give a reason to think otherwise!