Love formula for marriage

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

In a marriage union, a man and a woman are not just cohabitants, but different personalities, who are ideally united by three main components of love. In the Kamasutra it is written in the best way possible: "Three sources have human drives: Soul, Mind and Body. The attraction of souls give rise to friendship, the drives of the mind give rise to respect, the attraction of the body gives rise to desire. The union of three drives gives rise to love."

When "love" ceases to be understood primitively

When "love" passes into a quality other than sexual intercourse, people strive for unification, unification of Soul, Mind and Body.

Fortunately, humanity has outgrown the animal world in unification only for the sake of procreation. Although all sorts of pathological individuals still live by instincts, now we are not talking about them. It's about how to teach our children to perceive marriage, so that later they do not look at the shaky foundations of the unions of their beloved children. Let's try to identify the ideal love formula for marriage … Much has been written about the fact that boys inherit the scheme of father's relationships in the family, and girls inherit the scheme of mother's relationships. I cannot agree that this theorem (probably confirmed by clinical trials) often works. It is very difficult to deviate from many years of experience in communicating with parents, from stereotypes and upbringing. No matter how "SAMAkali" children in their native land, in their families they quite often resemble their parents.

I even know one already elderly person who chose a life partner for himself, getting to know her mother almost in the second week of communication. Because he was completely sure - a mother is an indicator for a future wife. On another attempt to find the ideal of exemplary family behavior, he fell in love to the very top, but made an offer only after five evenings in the company of mom-dad. Lives with his wife for thirty years and four years. He married my son along the same chain to my girlfriend. Moreover, in addition to my mother, I advised to take a closer look at the circle of friends (this is how I learned this story … not immediately, of course).

This does not prove anything, but for some reason the Eastern peoples still have a tradition, before matchmaking, to send close relatives to the bride's house and receive detailed information from neighbors about the mood in the family.

Indicative behavior, we have to agree on this, is not all. It must be remembered that a lot of complex psychological problems can be avoided by penetrating into the pink clouds of the young and explaining some of the subtleties of life together.

The onset of problems always happens somewhere two steps before the registry office:

Namely, in the imagination, in the representation of marriage, which are often qualitatively different in girls and young people.

Young ladies, in most cases, put the very fact of creating a separate unit of society at the head of their thoughts about the family. According to Dr. N. M. Khodakov, laureate of the international award of the Red Cross and Red Crescent, for a woman, relations with her beloved are limited to "music of tender words", general affection, care. She, of course, knows that in marriage there will be intimate encounters, but how often and what significance they have in the life of a spouse - she is almost not interested, she does not strive for a rich sex life. She is more concerned about the transition to a new quality - a spouse - and getting rid of parental care, the possibility of independence. But to be dominated by the principle of freedom is very naive, very wrong and very punishable. Freedom from parental Dopeka is one thing, but freedom and the creation of a new family is another. Girls often dream that as soon as they call themselves mistresses in their little world, everything will immediately fall into place. Everything will be completely different from that of the parents (and most importantly, the husband will be the complete opposite of the father). She and her husband will begin to build life in their own way, according to a more successful and successful plan.

The main difference is in the presentation of the ideal love formulas for marriage, on the part of the future husband, is that the practical ideas of the newly-made wife are not supported in any way in his mind. What do men want from marriage? If the offer of a hand with a heart was not pulled out with ticks, if, in a sober mind and a good memory, the following came from his lips: "I love you! Be my wife?" - then…

The comrade is overwhelmed with love and tenderness, he is not interested in any earthly chores, in any arrangement of a nest, in any economic side of the coin. Caress, sensitivity, care: this is what a man who truly wants to enter into marriage expects from marriage. And sex! The desire for the intimate is so expressed in him that at first he is ready to possess his beloved both day and night.

This, perhaps, applies to early marriages, which are so fragile. Almost half of them, according to statistics, decay before the age of 29. It is even more difficult with independent people, since the parents' model of life is also superimposed on their own model of independent behavior. In any case, you have to adapt and get along, which means you have to make concessions to the existence of other models and try to glue the joint as firmly and invisibly as possible. There has long been an approximate table of the optimal age for marriage and the ratio with the other sex:

Female:	Man:
20-21 years	26-27 years old
25 years	32 years
28 years	35 years
31 year	39 years
35 years	45 years
38 years	50 years

It is clear that it is impossible to recommend this very scheme as a panacea for problems and to advise following only such a model. The only thing with which I would agree unequivocally is that men should not marry before the age of 25: the optimal age for creating a family is 26-27 years.

However, in love formula for marriage, not age is the main thing, Love, Faith are important … look in one direction and see the same colors, and in happiness, and in sorrow, and in wealth, and in poverty, to want to be together, to be near, to be, no matter what, Soul, Mind and Body! A great connoisseur of the relationship between a man and a woman A. Forel at the beginning of the 20th century drew attention to the fact that love and respect for spouses remain for a long time, they increase over time, provided that the marriage was concluded for great feelings: "If we are dealing with love, not devoid of nobility, inspired by mutual understanding and reverence, the time, on the contrary, has a strengthening effect on such love and the honeymoon of a silver wedding in its inner content and the consciousness of happiness accompanying it is much more interesting than the first honeymoon … ".