How to learn to live in the here and now

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

We pass our lives by. Day after day we soar in the clouds, remember what happened, and dream about what will be. And in the end we have only the past and the future. Without the present. Why is this happening and how to learn to live in the moment - the author of "Cleo" Alexander Belousov figured out.

“Imagine that all people live only during the day,” sang John Lennon in the song Imagine. In fact, you have to try very hard to imagine humanity capable of living in the present moment. Only a few of us manage again and again not to experience the emotions of the past and not indulge in dreams of a bright future, while forgetting about the present. Physically we are here and now, but mentally we analyze what happened and think about what will be. This state is comparable to stress: our consciousness, tuned in to perceive information coming from the outside at the moment, seems to be “torn apart”. Hence the bad mood, fears, anxieties (“what if the boss decides to fire me”, “I should have done it in a completely different way”), the inability to enjoy today, hope for tomorrow (“I’ll buy that dress, I’ll become a beauty”) and, what is most terrible, the feeling that life is passing by. We do not feel happy, our existence becomes meaningless, insipid and boring.

Physically we are here and now, but mentally we analyze what happened and think about what will be.

Why it happens?

To understand why we stubbornly refuse to enjoy the present moment, changing it to thoughts of something completely foreign, let's remember the behavior of a child in a scary or uncomfortable environment for him. Turning on the protective mechanism, the child creates his own imaginary world, where everything is fine and develops exactly the way he wants.

Adults do the same: dissatisfied with real life, they constantly try to mentally "escape" from it - into plans for tomorrow, into memories of their first love or a fight with a boss, into dreams of their next vacation. Simply put, people try with all their might not to notice what today gives them inconvenience.

The Internet is a way to escape from reality

You may not have thought about it, but one of the most common symptoms of not here and not now is the “runaway” on the Internet. Experiencing discomfort because of what surrounds him in real life, a person prefers to "settle" in the virtual world, where it is much easier to create acceptable conditions for existence himself. Therefore, if you spend too much time on the Internet, it is worth thinking about what exactly you refuse to notice in yourself or in the people around you. Perhaps real life makes you so unhappy that you are terrified to admit it to yourself.

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What does it give us?

To put it quite simply, the constant abstraction from the present steals this present from us. If a person is constantly not here and not now, then sooner or later he will begin to feel dissatisfaction with his life, he will be apathetic, passive.

In addition, focusing our thoughts on everything other than what is happening here and now can negatively affect our relationships with friends and family. Significant moments of life can elude us: from someone's sincere smile and gratitude to a spouse's romance on the side. In addition, it is impossible to build healthy relationships, being not here and not now.

How to return to the present?

1. Listen to yourself - try to understand what you are feeling at the moment, what you want, what you are afraid of. Reward yourself for being able to focus on the present. How exactly - your momentary desires will tell you.

2. Stop procrastinating important (often unpleasant) deeds and thoughts for later. “Then” will come, and things will have to be done, but the difference between “now” and “later” will be your psycho-emotional state at the moment of completing a specific task: from calm concentration to nervousness and self-flagellation.

Reward yourself for being able to focus on the present. How exactly - your momentary desires will tell you.

3. Don't wait for the right moment. It will never come: there will always be a "but" that prevents you from going on vacation or having an important conversation. Therefore, if here and now you have realized the need for something, try to bring this “something” to life.

4. Pay attention to the process … It's good to be results-oriented, of course. This approach allows us to achieve heights in completely different areas. But in this case, the process seems to evaporate - it does not exist. Try to pay attention to what is happening to you and how. Simply put, when you go to work, forget about the pile of boring emails waiting for you there. Enjoy your walk, no matter how fast or relaxed it is.

5 … And finally log off the internet, return to reality, try to note everything that surrounds you. An unusual feeling, isn't it? The habit of doing everything on the machine - putting the kettle on the stove, kissing my husband at night, closing the door of the apartment, going online - deprives us of the opportunity to live consciously.