Blue, blue, I will live with you now

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

I didn’t know, I didn’t guess, I didn’t expect in any way that one day I would be able to fall in love with"

For a year and a half we were just friends, maintained warm relations, although we worked at competing enterprises. Obligatory call to each other once a week, postcards on holidays, birthday trips and … no more deviations from the established order once and for all.

I made desperate attempts to seduce the subject I liked, but he remained deaf and blind to my inclinations in his direction. Now, when the storm in my heart has calmed down, I understand that he did everything so as not to hurt me. He lived by the principle: "It is better to be cold than to tell the truth about your addictions." Igor diligently pretended that he did not notice anything unusual in my behavior, and yet for some time he moved away, giving me the opportunity to calm down. It seems to me that it was just cowardice on his part, he didn’t know for sure about my feelings, but he guessed, and preferred to remain silent, stubbornly pretending that nothing outstanding was happening around his person.

And then one of his recent friend told me the whole truth, telling me that somehow he was very unlucky with a girl, and he decided that a man could not inflict such pain on him, and changed his orientation. So now it is the same color as the sky in July.

I was shocked, I could not understand how I had not guessed about everything before. For three days I couldn't really talk, my thoughts were only about one thing … I adhere to quite modern views, and do not consider homosexuals second-class people, they are the same as you and me, and yet a little bit different. And the point here is not even that they prefer to spend their nights not in the company of long-legged blondes, but their own kind. These people have a different psychology, but it is no better or worse than that of the sexual majority.

Having studied more than a dozen books on homosexuality, I found out that it is not because of a good life that people take this path, unless, of course, we are not talking about stuck "majors" who are already tired of everything in this life, and they want to try something new, spicy. According to one clever book, most often homosexuals grow up in a family where dad is a military man, and besides, a tyrant, or even worse, is an alcoholic. Most likely, someone betrayed them, inflicting severe mental trauma, and their life, as a rule, was rarely successful. So my Igor was brought up in a family where dad first drank and then beat. Moreover, he beat both his wife and son, and they often had to stand in the yard until late at night and wait until the father finally calmed down and fell asleep.

Recently, the father "rested in the Bose", and the son did not go to the funeral, and did not forgive him his childhood soaked in alcohol. He visits his mother once five years, after having been mentally preparing for this meeting for four and a half. Probably, he also still cannot forgive her that many years ago she did not divorce him. The only true friend is the older brother, who was not afraid even at a very young age to stand up for loved ones. But he now lives on the territory of another state and they rarely see it. In addition, the brother has a wife and children, he has his own life, and Igor still speaks with notes of reverence and pride about his older brother, the only truly dear person. It will be quite fair to say that there are people who have suffered a much greater number of misfortunes, but they do not run from problems in this way. Even the closest friends have never heard a confession from Igor regarding his non-standard orientation. A "broken phone" always works better than an ordinary one, and this is not a topic to be trumpeted on every corner.

I calmed down after reading that it is not congenital, but acquired homosexuality (such as that of my Igor) can be corrected. This can take years, you need to be patient for the future. And also do not forget to take a lot of kind, gentle words, affection on a long, difficult journey in order to warm up, "tame", to make it clear that you can not only with a whip, but also with a carrot. The path is not the easiest and not the closest. I myself do not know what result awaits me at the end of the road, but I am ready to fight for Igor, because I want to marry only for him.

In the meantime, I try to become a real friend to him: loyal and all-understanding. I no longer want to frighten him with my love, and therefore not a word about her, let him get used to it, otherwise he now looks more like a hunted animal, which at the word "love" presses his ears and hides in a hole, and for no delicacies from there his does not want to show the muzzle. I do not despair, I am ready to fight for my happiness until the final, the victorious finale. In the meantime, I live by the formula: "If you have a non-traditionalist as your lover, do not despair, in the end, going to a party, you can safely borrow some super-fashionable detail of the toilet from him."