6 ideas that can ruin your relationship

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Do you want the phrase "and they lived happily ever after" was about you and your man? Then stop clinging to relationship myths. And take a closer look at how love develops in reality. So, 6 ideas that can destroy a relationship.

Myth # 1: Happy couples always want each other

What happens in reality:

Even over-temperature couples have days when they don't feel like having sex. This is the normal cycle of relationship development. Stresses come and go, hormonal levels change. Moreover: sometimes evenings, when you sit together all evening in front of the TV, change channels and discuss what you saw, can be much more intimate than the next sex marathon.

When Elena, 28 years old, began to attend sommelier courses with her beloved Andrey, she received much more than a delicate taste for wines.

“I didn’t expect, of course, that joint activities would somehow affect our relationship,” she recalls. - But they obviously affected! The common occupation and the emerging passion for the "oak" shades of taste brought us closer. We feel that our love shines through in all the little things that we do together. Whether it's a joke that only the two of us can understand, or a bottle of wonderful Merlot.

Our advice:

It is not uncommon for happy couples to take breaks from their sex lives - as a result, it only strengthens their attraction to each other.

Myth # 2: Lovers shouldn't part

What happens in reality:

Sentimental nonsense aside. The love boat of those couples who do not give each other a break from endless love soon starts to flow. When you experience the same emotions with him every single day, the boundary where he ends and where you begin begins to blur. The couple has two individuals. If you transform into each other, there is only one person left. And then the relationship will become so calm and boring that it will soon disappear altogether.

Dedicating your whole life to another, you will only achieve that passion eventually dries up. After all, nothing supports a relationship like small differences between you. Don't miss the opportunity to spend time on yourself: develop as a person, keep in touch with interesting people, and invest time and energy in your work. Pay attention to the things that make you you and turn you into the woman your boyfriend once fell in love with.

- My girlfriend is passionate about collecting old records, - says Sergey, 28 years old. - I like it when she puts on the player new music for me, tells some interesting details. She knows all our 60s pop bands that existed! I admire this dedication.

Our advice:

Get in the habit of parting sometimes and doing their own thing. Of course, it’s hard at first to leave his embrace. But is there anything more incendiary in the world than missing each other madly?

Myth # 3: You can tell each other everything

What happens in reality:

Even if your boyfriend insists that you can be absolutely frank with him, then your confessions - say, about how amazing your last lover was or how you fantasize about your boss - can hurt him painfully.

- When I just started dating Sasha, I drank too much at a corporate party, cheered up and kissed one guy, an employee, - says Elena, 26 years old. - Then I thought that I should tell my beloved the whole truth. I am very sorry: now, even after four months, this stupid kiss haunts Sasha.

Sometimes "clearing your conscience" by confessing everything means just throwing your unpleasant experiences onto an innocent man."Let him find out and suffer, and it will become easier for me." It is better to find the strength to endure the "punishment" in the form of a bad conscience on your own.

Our advice:

How to figure out what should be shared with a young man and what should not? Just try to mentally switch roles. Ask yourself if you want to hear something like that from the mouth of your loved one? If you need to tell something that is not very pleasant for him, because it somehow affects your relationship, that is one thing. And if the information only brings jealousy and alienation into your relationship, then it is better to keep it to yourself. Revelations may ruin a relationship.

Myth # 4: Predictability is the main enemy of passion

What happens in reality:

“If I had the recklessness of still believing in happiness, I would seek it out of habit,” wrote Rene de Chateaubriand. No one wants a life together like Groundhog Day from the movie of the same name. However, humans are creatures for whom it is important that good events are repeatable and predictable. The habit makes the husband fly home from work as if on wings, knowing that his beloved will certainly meet him there. The success of the series is based on this, after all: we are waiting for the next series from day to day at the same time. It's a habit that makes life more enjoyable. True understanding is when you know the habits, tastes, reactions of each other, when you have something like a "closed club" for two.

“From the very beginning, as Yulia and I started dating last year, we started organizing weekly“evenings of Soviet comedies”,” says Dmitry, 35 years old. - It probably doesn't sound very romantic, but we both grew up watching Soviet films. The thing is, we watched old comedies on our first dates. So when we see them again, it reminds us of how we once met.

Our advice:

Little "family" rituals will help you get closer to him. By creating your own quirky (or not so) customs, you give the relationship your own special "taste." So, adjust your relationship so that, on the one hand, you do not have constant deja vu, but you have habits that make you dear people.

Myth # 5: If he really loves you, he will change

What happens in reality:

If your beloved is not very similar to the man of dreams, then do not expect him to suddenly turn into a prince on a white horse. Our personalities are formed when we are about five years old. So it's better not to try to change it, but learn to appreciate the "bird in hand".

Write down ten things you value most about men: for example, a sense of humor, culinary talent, money. Be honest with yourself: no one else will see this list. Count how many points match the qualities of your beloved. Ideally, at least six should match.

If a man does not fit most of the definitions on the list, re-read what was written again: this time, see if there are any points in it that you cannot live without.

Let's say your beloved can't dance at all. Think if you can survive without slow dancing with him?

You will see that there are not so many really important points.

Our advice:

Accept him as he is and you will never be disappointed. In addition, if you really love his essence, then all the changes (or lack thereof) that will happen to him over time will not be detrimental to your relationship. And unexpected changes in character accompanying your partner's personal growth will only save your relationship from stagnation.

Myth # 6: Lovers never stare at anyone else

What happens in reality:

Yes, you are in love, but you do not live on a desert island. Many beautiful, charming people live around, and they can meet us every day. So it's only natural for both of you to feel a little attracted to other people from time to time.

- I'm a bartender, - says Cyril, 27 years old.- When you are all night among flirting, beautifully dressed people, you watch them meet, drink, dance, then in the morning you only think about how to quickly finish work and finally retire with your girlfriend.

Our advice:

Believe me, innocent fantasies can only inflame your passion for each other. It's natural to feel aroused at the sight of attractive people! It only shows that you are a normal, sexually healthy person. Let's say more: it is a necessary condition for a successful sex life with your beloved.

Stop pulling up life under stencils, believe in yourself and in him, and then your relationship can only be envied. And nothing can ruin a relationship … Good luck!