How to create a harmonious relationship with your husband

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

No matter how strong the family is, no one is immune from quarrels. Psychologists explain this by the fact that each person has a certain type of personality, which forms his behavior model. If you know the characteristics of each type, you can predict what can unbalance you or your partner, learn to avoid sharp corners and bring relationships to a more harmonious level.

Speaker: Yulia Rodochinskaya

The Enneagram is a concept that describes 9 personality types, reveals mental and behavioral aspects. If you understand what type a person is, then it becomes easier to interact with him. Many companies are now recruiting employees, focusing, among other things, on the enneagram.

But it can also be effectively applied in family relationships.

Let's take a closer look at this.

Type 1 - Perfectionist

People of this type are usually very hard on themselves and others, unemotional. They believe that there is nothing more important than the obligations that they have assumed. They are very attentive to detail and strive for excellence. Perfectionists take criticism hard, but they themselves often condemn and criticize.

In relationships, sometimes they are creepy bores, for whom it is very important whether the cap on the toothpaste is completely screwed on and whether the partner has put a package of milk in the refrigerator there. However, they are very loyal, honest and considerate. They have a great sense of humor and the ability to control themselves in conflict situations.

Perfectionists, keep it simple! The world is not perfect and it's worth accepting

How to better understand a partner if he is of this type:

• Be sincere with him, do not lie, in this case, the truth is better a bitter truth than a sweet lie. If something unpleasant happens, honestly admit it, talk, because it is very difficult for a perfectionist to forgive.
• Help him show his emotions, both good and negative.
• Criticize less, the perfectionist often does this internally, so you shouldn't add fuel to the fire.
• Support in case of failure. Remind you that it's okay to be wrong and don't beat yourself up like that.

Type 2 - Assistant

The name speaks for itself! Such people are very oriented towards the outside world and try their best to help everyone, even if they are not asked to. It also happens that in their pursuit they turn out to be very intrusive. They try to be good and to please everyone. They love to give gifts and show attention. If the assistant is asked for something, he will do it with a 99.9% probability. They rejoice when they receive gratitude in return for their help. Such people are focused on others, responsive and often think of others even more than of themselves.

This type is incredibly charming and sexy. In a relationship with a deuce, the partner will feel special, he will always be there, take care and listen carefully.

Helpers, the world will not collapse without you, pay attention to yourself and your feelings. First a mask for himself, then for a neighbor.

How to better understand a partner if he is of this type:

• Thank you sincerely for what they are doing for you.
• Help pay attention to your desires, emotions, and not just focus on others.
• Take care of him in return.

Type 3 - Achiever

For the achiever, his own success is important. He sets himself tasks and fulfills them, in any business. They are sociable and very charismatic people, they like to be in the spotlight. Often they are so carried away by work that they forget about time, sleep, food. Achievers love to be challenged.

But often such people are dependent on the opinions of others, in order to please everyone, wear masks, hiding those emotions that can show their weakness.

In relationships, achievers are very responsible and value their partner, you can safely rely on them.

Achievers, learn to be honest with yourself. It's so great to find and accept yourself from 1000 masks.

How to better understand a partner if he is of this type:

• Be genuinely proud of your accomplishments.
• Show that what your partner is doing is important to you and the family.
• Help to show your true desires and emotions.
• Drain negative emotions, such as going on an evening run together.
• Competitive moment is important for achievers, so do not hesitate to highlight its achievements in front of other people.
• If your partner failed to achieve the desired result, support him, show how much he does and that one failure is nothing compared to what he has already achieved.
• Love just like that, not for success.

Type 4 - Individualist

Such people very often consider themselves "black sheep" and think that they are worse than others. They are shy and do not like to be shown signs of attention, they are often sad. The mood of an individualist can change in one minute to the exact opposite. This is a creative person who wants to stand out and be different from everyone else. They value beauty and have good taste, they are sensitive to the emotions of the people around them.

Individualists are wonderful in relationships (although sometimes capricious), it is pleasant and interesting to be with them. They will both support and joke with you.

Individualists, learn to see the beauty in this world. Not everything is covered with a veneer of suffering. After all, it can be good just like that!

How to better understand a partner if he is of this type:

• Be aware of frequent mood swings.
• Often this type tries to get attention and love by acting out a drama. Prove that this is not the case, that you love him and be happy.
• Do not laugh at the fact that he is not like everyone else, it is better to emphasize his individuality.
• If you see that your partner has gone deep into inner experiences, help him get out of this state, return to the present.
• Support his hobbies and interests.

Type 5 - Observer

This is the most erudite type. Sometimes it seems that they know everything about everything - this is a real walking encyclopedia. Such people are very fond of learning and learning something new. These are ideal strategists - they really like to plan and analyze everything in the world, and they do it well, but force majeure and unforeseen situations unsettle them. Observers are often distant, love and value loneliness, and thus appear arrogant.

In a relationship, the "Observer" often likes to scold a partner, but, in fact, they are very reliable and kind people.

Observers, take action! Plans are good, but sometimes it’s not a perfect plan, but decisive action.

How to better understand a partner if he is of this type:

• Support the hobbies and interests of the five, this is important for them, be sincerely interested in them.
• Help express any emotions you have.
• Gently and unobtrusively bring your partner out into the light, even if it is not a mass event, it will be more comfortable.
• Don't be too intrusive, it is very important for observers to sometimes be alone with themselves.
• Try not to conflict, any misunderstandings with this type are easily resolved in a constructive dialogue.
• Observers do not like surprise; any event must be warned in advance.

6 type - Skeptic

Skeptics are always worried, doubtful, scrolling through the mind of many options for the outcome of an event. Because of this, it is very difficult for them to make decisions and they spin around the bush: "Maybe so … or still like this … but what if …". They do not trust anyone and do not accept the authority of another person. They love equality. And very often they have an incredible sense of humor.

A skeptic in a relationship loves to control everything and everyone, but if you are sympathetic to his characteristics, you will understand that this is a very reliable and fair person.

Skeptics, trust the world! Any decision you make is known to be correct. Leave your doubts for later.

How to better understand a partner if he is of this type:

• If you see that your partner is embarrassed and paints negative scenarios of what is happening, return him to reality. Show and emphasize that these are just options.
• Do not take negative checks from this type, this is their essence. They check everyone and everything around, calculate, weigh the pros and cons, and do not doubt you.
• Be open and honest.
• If your skeptic is in doubt, help him come to a solution, but don't decide for him.
• Do not pull the blanket over yourself, this type does not accept any authorities, they love equality.
• Don't laugh or criticize your partner.

7 type - Enthusiast

Optimists love fun and variety. They are charming and smiling, and the eyes of such people constantly shine with happiness. They easily take something new into life. They love communication, in general, they are an eternal party-goer. But it almost always shows only good emotions, and hides negative ones. Enthusiasts are very unstable in their attachments, today one relationship is another tomorrow. It seems that they are always in search of something even more beautiful and fun.

In relationships, enthusiasts are very generous, friendly, caring and upbeat. They are very sociable, there are always many friends in the house, they are happy to go on trips and joint adventures.

Enthusiasts, if you live in a constant search for pleasure and superficial joys, you can miss something deep, strong and lasting.

How to better understand a partner if he is of this type:

• Learn from your partner how to enjoy life.
• Try not to break boundaries, freedom is very important for enthusiasts.
• This type tries to translate his negative emotions into a joke or completely ignores them. You need to make it clear that it is worth exercising them too. Or help me to merge the negative correctly. For example, do some sport together.
• Be disciplined and responsible, and show the importance of this with your example.
• Spend time together.

8 type - Boss

Such a person believes that he must be strong, and if he shows weakness, people will definitely take advantage of this. Likes to keep everything under control. Divides people into strong and weak. He does not like to be dependent on others and believes that difficulties will make him even stronger. Believes that he can achieve any goal.

For this type, justice is very important. But he himself can exert pressure in order to get a result.

In relationships, this type is usually very caring and generous.

Bosses, try to relax a little and put less pressure on others, it is not always important and you need an ideal.

How to better understand a partner if he is of this type:

• Let being weak sometimes, show that it's okay.
• Show that conflict situations can be resolved diplomatically without undue pressure.
• This type may be overly aggressive, but don't respond in kind. Just ask what happened. Become a real support for your boss.
• Emotions can be thrown out, like the previous type, by playing sports.
• Be extremely sincere with them.

9 type - Peacemaker

These are very calm people who do not like conflicts, disputes, they try not to contradict anyone. The personal boundaries of such a person are most often erased, because it is very difficult for them to say “no”, because they are afraid of offending someone. Peacemakers often accept the point of view of others and forget about themselves, their feelings, emotions, and values. But these are very loyal friends who are ready to support everything.

In a relationship, they are very caring, with understanding they accept all actions, but they often dissolve in a partner, assent and oppress their interests.

Peacemakers, try for a week to do only what you want, and not someone else.

How to better understand a partner if he is of this type:

• Help us be more responsive about deadlines and commitments.
• In case of doubtful situations, help to make a decision on your own.
• Show that his feelings, emotions, desires are also important.
• Share and show that it is important to defend your personal boundaries and not be led by other people.
• Accept the peacemaker's point of view, respect and do not criticize.
• Highlight your partner's accomplishments.
• At a family dinner, ask how the day went.
• Try not to conflict, it is better to peacefully discuss the problem situation and you will definitely come to a solution that suits both of you.

What types are incompatible and are in the red zone for each other?

• Perfectionist and achiever. Such a union can be stressful, because the former can endlessly strive for perfection, and the latter is aimed at achieving results on time. And one more point that type 1 is more oriented inward, when type 3 is, on the contrary, outward. In work, friendships, this is a great combination, but in a family it will be difficult.
• Perfectionist and assistant. Conflicts may arise against the background of excessive emotionality of the second type.
• Skeptic and Perfectionist … It happens that difficulties arise, but here's advice - take a closer look at each other. Several months of communication, and everything will become clear.
• Peacemaker and perfectionist. It may be difficult to express feelings.
• Helper and achiever hardly tolerate each other, because their values and motivation are fundamentally different.
• Achiever and individualist completely different and their union is quite tense.
• Achiever and enthusiast. The marriage union is unlikely to work, since the achiever will only be annoyed by the unpredictability of the enthusiast
• Reach and Boss - a difficult union, constant conflicts, competition with each other are possible.
• Achiever and Peacemaker - are good in relations with each other, but it is better for the achiever to be softer, more delicate, not to put pressure on the partner.
• Individualist and Observer … It will be very difficult to find a common language.
• Individualist and skeptic can be friends, but they are not suitable for family relationships.

What if you find it difficult to build a relationship?

Of course, having recognized the type, you will have a better idea of what is important to him, and you will begin to understand why he behaves in one way or another in a certain situation.

And these recommendations will help you with this even more. It should be understood that the type of personality described by the enneagram we carry throughout our lives. It is impossible to change it either in yourself or in anyone else. If you are in a relationship or you have a type in your family that is hard enough for you, then learn to accept yourself and your partner, develop together and communicate as much as possible. This will help strengthen your bond and become closer.