Become this, I don't know what

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

They say God sculpted a woman from Adam's rib. Thousands of years pass, and many men are trying to do the same: to mold themselves a life partner from the material that at that moment came to their hand. Let's remember "Pygmalion": she is inept and unattractive, he knows what he wants. He noticed her and brought her into line with his idea of beauty. The result is complete success!

But alas, this is art. In life, everything happens differently, although the same plot is taken as the basis: He is a sculptor, a creator, She is plasticine, from which you can sculpt various figures.

The father of the theory of relativity and the father of two sons, Albert Einstein, gave in 1914 a written order to his wife (it hung on the wall, kept in a special folder) how she was supposed to behave:

" A. You must make sure that my suits and underwear are always in perfect order, three times a day, one hour an hour, bring food to my room, the bedroom must be cleaned, not touching anything on the work table.

V. You should not ask permission to sit next to me in the house, no wishes about joint walks and travel.

WITH. No love outpourings and not the slightest reproaches, at any call to appear immediately, you must leave the bedroom or study at my first word, you must promise not to humiliate and not insult me in front of the children, neither word nor deed."

The wife meticulously and daily followed all the instructions until the couple divorced.

Probably, being a girl of marriageable age, the first wife of the genius Einstein imagined her happiness a little differently: to find her soul mate and merge with her (Him) into a single whole - WE. To constantly feel the presence of a loved one, to feel his shoulder, which you can lean on, to create your own little world, filled with warmth, comfort, tenderness, mutual understanding, so that joy and sadness in half … But in reality, this unity was formed due to the dissolution of one personality into another … As a result of this fusion of souls and bodies, one of the partners simply ceased to exist, lost himself as a person, as an individuality.

Alas, but most often we, women, have to dissolve in another person, sacrifice our ideals and principles. At the first stages of falling in love, it seems to us that the simplest thing that you can give up is a dream. What is she? Just a "tit in the sky", a trifle that can be easily discarded. Then you have to give up something more important and essential. Loving a man, a woman is ready to sacrifice her views, beliefs, habits, just to correspond to his ideas about the ideal. Simply put, she is ready to exchange her "I" for love, becoming an "emotional chameleon": adjusting to the mood and thoughts of her beloved, changing her beliefs, and sometimes her appearance, just to remain "the woman of his dreams", forgetting about her favorite activities … One friend of mine left the choir, in which she sang from school, because her husband called it an unworthy occupation: "You are no longer a girl to run at rehearsals and concerts. Better bake pancakes and cook borscht, otherwise I have a feeling that I got married on a vertikhstvo ". In fact, our hobbies and favorite activities are of great importance - they carry a positive charge, allow you to relax and unwind, disconnect from the daily hustle and bustle. By abandoning them in favor of the family, a woman loses a part of herself. And sometimes she herself does not realize it.

A man who seeks to cut off everything unnecessary from a woman is dangerous! This "surgeon" first amputates your bad habits - from the ability to fry potatoes until golden brown (mom always served them on the table a little undercooked) to addiction to cherry lipstick, then he gets to friends and acquaintances, and then to thoughts …

Psychologists have found that, for the most part, insecure men like a woman to be only under his influence and control, so they often forbid spouses to even communicate with their parents. The support and love of relatives or friends frighten him, deprive him of the opportunity to lead his wife. In addition, he is afraid of any criticism from people close to you. Refusing to communicate with family and friends, a woman, as a rule, experiences double discomfort. On the one hand, every day she becomes more and more dependent on the love of a man, since she receives less and less of it from other people close to her. On the other hand, a woman loses the ability to adequately perceive a partner, since by isolating her from relatives and friends, he “protected” himself from any criticism directed at him.

A man, even the most unprepossessing, from time immemorial stood a step higher than a woman. To take the same step, a woman had to perform miracles of ingenuity, shine with intelligence, write scientific works and sometimes go against society. At the same time, she had to give up many of life's benefits. And as a result of hard labor, she remained alone.

Times have changed. But … According to the old habit, we ourselves voluntarily give the palm to men, modestly remaining in the shadows. "The happiness of a man is called: I want. Happiness of a woman: he wants," wrote Friedrich Nietzsche.

He was echoed by Georges Sand: "Love is voluntary slavery, to which the nature of a woman aspires."

Women follow the tradition: the man always comes first. This has been taught to women for centuries. Not realizing our own importance, we automatically take a step back so as not to inadvertently overshadow our beloved man.

Women are proud of their sacrifice, consider it a kind of achievement. It is easier for them to say, “I could have gone to graduate school, if not for him!” Than to get rid of emotional bondage.

The woman hopes that by accepting the sacrifice, the beloved man will love her more. In such a union, a woman is too dependent, she gives more than she receives, her "I" is blurred. A woman is not able to make demands of her master: she is afraid to anger.

"A woman's love increases proportionally with the sacrifice she makes to her lover: the more she gives in, the more she becomes attached to him," wrote the French writer-philosopher Paul de Kock. There is hardly a woman (even the most powerful, independent and successful) who at least once in her life has not sacrificed something for love, but everything needs to know when to stop. You shouldn't take pleasure in being an obedient doll in powerful hands. Dressing up and releasing on stage for an hour or two, and then hanging on a carnation until the next performance - this role is not for you. Moreover, he will eventually forget about his favorite toy or find a new one.

Unequal relationships are latent psychological abuse. And violence, even if it is veiled, always remains what it is. Meanwhile, the most important part of a healthy relationship is the ability to speak with a partner on an equal footing: to openly and frankly resolve issues related to power, power and obedience in order to reach an agreement on the observance of laws and the inviolability of borders in this alliance. Marriage is a wonderful device for achieving well-being, where everyone brings their own contribution of intelligence, wisdom, professional skills, warmth, energy and work. And fulfilling the partner's requirements is not always the solution to the problem. You need to carefully observe your loved one and think: what, in essence, worries him, why does some trifling habit evoke a storm of emotions in him? It is quite possible that he transfers dissatisfaction with himself to you and wants from you what he cannot do himself.

In situations that are far from movies and novels, we have to fight with each other for the freedom of our personality. Not everyone is as lucky as the well-known Nastya Kamenskaya. And Daria Dontsova's detectives are popular not only because of the masterfully intricate plot. The heroines of her books do not go on a short occasion with their husbands, children, they do household chores, and during breaks they investigate crimes. Recognize for your partner the right to freedom of his personality, do not try to change him for the sake of your convenience - then he will answer you in kind.