Their main secrets: what we don't know about men yet

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 17:37

We know so little about men, about their attitude to life, crises, aspirations and needs (and most importantly, we don't even try to find out!) That sooner or later we face serious problems - instead of a loved one with whom we once shared our dreams for two, now we see a completely alien, detached and closed.

Why this is happening and how to avoid it, psychologist Elena Novoselova told in her webinar “What we don’t know about men yet”.

It turns out that in order to build a happy relationship with your chosen one, it is not enough to conquer him once with unearthly beauty and light disposition, and then cook delicious borscht all your life. Contrary to popular belief, men need not only the beauty "90-60-90", regular sex and a three-course meal. You may be surprised, but they also need something else.

So what do we not know about men and their true needs?

123RF / dariya2

Phallic complex

The name of this term is from the category “not what it seems”. It's not about masculinity and its size at all. The phallic complex means only one thing - every man needs to be a winner in life. It doesn't matter what and how - the main thing is to win!

123RF / Dmitriy Shironosov

Work, sporting achievements, career successes, the best cinema seats and even a well-played round in an online game are all small and large, but victories. A man simply cannot live without the realization that he is the best, otherwise he would not be a man. You will be surprised, but for your chosen one "winner" is practically the same thing as "man". And if it was enough for you to just be born a woman in order to feel like one, then a man daily proves to himself and to those around him that he deserves this proud title.

How can this help you?

Just think - what does each winner deserve? Praise, applause, delight. He received the award and expects you to be delighted - after all, he tried, worked hard, and now you can afford those expensive curtains for the bedroom that you have wanted for so long.

He bought you a bouquet of flowers and expects you to be delighted - he chose it for so long, wanted to give the best one. And what are you doing? No, really. For the most part, women take small men's victories and signs of attention for granted. We treat men from the position of "should", thereby demotivating them and sowing the seed of doubt that he is a real winner.

Male crises

They say that people live for five years. Perhaps, but if we are talking about men, it would be more appropriate to say about “ten years”, with which they unconsciously measure their lives. Moreover, every decade a man experiences some kind of crisis, which women are highly recommended to know about.

Who is a man at 20? An ambitious young man who chooses his own path, for whom, however, the measure of success is not career achievements, but the girl who is nearby.

123RF / imagerymajestic

At the age of 30, a man undergoes a serious self-identification. "Who am I? In what direction do I need to move in order to achieve maximum success? " Personal relationships fade into the background, giving way to career. The 30-year milestone is defining for most men, because it is this period of time that determines whether he is a winner or not.

At 40, a man looks at his woman and thinks: "Is this all that I have achieved?" This happens mainly due to the fact that by the age of 40 a woman is completely used to her companion and ceases to give him that very necessary "dose" of admiration and delight. A man begins to doubt himself and his chosen one.

At the age of 50-60, a man most of all wants to become a teacher, mentor for someone. He is sure that he has something to tell others, but if there is no one nearby to whom valuable experience could be passed on (the children have grown up and left, and the wife only brushes off the instructions), then the man also begins to evaluate himself as a loser.

How can this help you?

Knowing about the crises in a man's life, you can figure out how to deal with them. For example, if you are in a relationship with a man who is now about 30, try to pay more attention to his career success - support him in work matters, take an interest in his affairs when he returns home after a hard day.

Would you like to go to refresher courses? Support! And try to make fewer claims about "you don't love me." Loves, and how! It's just that now it is very important for him to prove to himself that he is a winner, having achieved career heights.

123RF / Valery Kachaev

You can find even more information on how to overcome men's crises in the webinar “What We Don't Know About Men Yet”, which took place on May 16 as part of the School of Life.

A man only needs one woman

Contrary to popular belief about male polygamy, a man really doesn't need many women around. You may be surprised, but it is enough for him to be alone. But what a! No, a man does not expect anything supernatural from you, however, he looks at some of the features of your behavior.

First, and we talked about this earlier, it is important for a man to be admired, thereby confirming his status as a winner. All these "be a man!" it's better to forget altogether if you want to build a harmonious relationship. He is already a man, why should he be reminded of this?

123RF / gstockstudio

Secondly, a man needs to understand that next to him you feel like a real woman. Just next to him. The realization that it is he who makes you happy is the best reward for a man. And there is no worse punishment than to understand that he is the cause of your tears, frustrations and worries.

Thirdly, it is important for him that you have personal space. Your work, your hobbies and hobbies, in which he does not take part - all this makes you more interesting and desirable for a man. In addition, a person who has and respects his own personal space will be more willing to respect the personal space of another. Do not control, do not violate boundaries, but respect the desire to sometimes be alone and mindlessly watch TV.

How can this help you?

Try to remember that a man doesn't need a housewife who bakes pies every day. He does not need "skirts", "legs" and "eyes", which are around the millions. A man desperately needs the support and sincere delight of the only one who, moreover, respects his personal space and always makes it clear that he makes her truly happy. Therefore, do not be lazy to say nice words to him, praise him for his achievements (no matter big or small) and give him the opportunity to shut up and play an hour or two in an online game, if he really needs it.

If you want to build a harmonious relationship with your beloved man, never forget that there is a mature personality with your needs and desires next to you. And before making claims and being offended that he did not do something the way you thought was right, try to figure out why he did this. Perhaps the reason lies in the same phallic complex.

You will find even more valuable information in Elena Novoselova's webinar.