Why did this happen to me?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

There is no difference between being raped and being thrown down the cement steps, except that the wounds then bleed inside as well. There is no difference between being raped and being run over by a truck, except that the men then ask if you enjoyed it. (Marge Piercy)

Sexual crimes occur much more often than official statistics record: most victims prefer not to contact law enforcement agencies, because you still can't fix anything, and publicity can damage their reputation. The police do not guarantee the victims of rape either safety or secrecy, and often shrugs off such complaints: “whoever can figure out whether something happened or not, and in general, if a woman doesn’t want to, one man will not be able to handle her”. Even if the police get down to business, they are unlikely to achieve any results. And if it does, then the rapist's money can stimulate sudden amnesia in police officers. Indeed, in our country, the salvation of drowning people is the work of the drowning themselves. Therefore, in Russia, less than five percent of victims of sexual violence turn to law enforcement agencies.

But not always sexual aggression comes to violence. A huge number of women are faced with a milder form of sexual harassment, which is usually associated with the abuse of power. Children are subjected to sexual harassment by their relatives who threaten them in every possible way. Bosses harass their secretaries, professors harass graduate students, and disgusting jokes or spanking do not count. If a woman tries to resist or complain, she will be accused: too, I, touchy, does not understand jokes, they did not rape her! Although the distance between sexual harassment with the use of official position and direct coercion is not so great. In these cases, contacting the police is completely useless, since the chiefs, as a rule, have a lot of money and connections. And this in Russia is more important than fear, pain, nervous shock, feelings of humiliation, fear of infection or pregnancy of the victim.

The most massive typical situation of rape is not a street attack, as is commonly believed, but a love meeting (from 40 to 75% of all known cases in different countries). Sometimes this happens because men and women interpret the same situation differently.

A man who perceives a woman only as a sexual object is sure that she does not resist at all, but only “fills the price”. And in this case, the violence looks in his eyes as a continuation of courtship. He considers himself not a rapist, but a seducer. The public opinion is in the same mood: "It is its own fault", "Itself has given a reason", "This cannot happen to decent girls." The fact is that along with genuine reluctance, there is often feigned resistance to sex, when a person says “no”, meaning “yes”. Therefore, if you do not want to become a victim of violence, say “no” so that it does not sound ambiguous, but firm and decisive, and timely - before the man loses his composure.

Why do men commit violence? Most often, this is behind your own inferiority complex, doubts about your masculine qualities or the removal of grievances experienced in childhood. Abusers are emotionally immature, unable to love. Sometimes the cause of rape is mental and sexual disorders.

The trauma of rape is very difficult. The reaction begins immediately after the event. For several weeks, a woman cries, tries to eliminate the physical consequences of violence and at the same time to control her feelings, to appear calm. Then painful thoughts begin, hatred of the rapist is intertwined with self-accusations: “Why did this happen to me? Are all men like that, or did I myself give a reason? " Then comes a long period of psychological restructuring. Some women try to change their environment, place of residence or work. Many have a fear of men or a persistent aversion to sex. Sometimes it goes on for a lifetime. Some become alcoholics. Some are drug addicts. Some commit suicide. Violence pushes others to cynicism: "anyway, I am not what I was."

You should not commit rash acts. You cannot allow the rapist to break your whole life and keep painful experiences in yourself, you must definitely speak out, find sympathy. For this, there are specialized consultations and anonymous helplines. Making a phone call is much easier than meeting a stranger in person and answering agonizing and sometimes tactless questions. A professional psychologist on the other end of the line will reduce stress and advise on where to go and what to do next. World experience shows that three-quarters of women who received timely psychological assistance completely overcome the "trauma of rape" and lead a normal, prosperous sex life. Those who endured everything in silence have much more painful problems.

In Moscow, a raped woman can call the Sisters center (phone 8 499 901 0201), which has been working in the capital for 22 years.

On July 2, the Sisters Center will hold a charity run under the slogan #DressDoesntSayYes in Moscow Sokolniki Park. A short skirt, a dress, a tight-fitting T-shirt is not an appeal. A woman's clothing does not express consent and cannot be an excuse for violence against her. In running and in life, the style or length of clothing should not be perceived as an invitation to uninvited action and, moreover, to aggression.

Center "Sisters" is going through hard times now - the crisis hits the most defenseless, and charity in the conditions of the economic crisis becomes a "luxury". How the only hotline for survivors of sexual violence almost ceased to exist can be read in open sources / It seems monstrous, but in our country there is no normal state service for victims of sexual violence. And this gap has been closed for more than 20 years by the independent center "Sisters". But they need help too. A charity run is one of the beautiful and easy ways to do this. The organizers of the race hope to raise money for the operation of the Sisters Sexual Abuse Survivor Center.

Race hashtag - #dressdoesntsayyes Information about the race is shared via social networks:

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