How to get over a breakup with a loved one

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

The heroine of the series "Sex and the City" Charlotte York, comforting her friend Carrie Bradshaw, who broke up with the man of her dreams, said: "To forget your ex, you need half the time that you spent together." Not a very comforting breakup formula, is it? And it is quite difficult to argue that it is correct. In any case, neither the series nor life confirms this. And the thing is that each situation is so individual that trying to somehow generalize them is a thankless task. We can only say one thing with certainty: parting is not easy for anyone. Even girls, on whose initiative the relationship was ended, often worry no less than those who were abandoned by a man.

Sometimes after parting it seems that only hopeless darkness awaits you further. Memories of happy moments spent together are spinning in my head. There is no faith that you will again enjoy life next to someone else. And, frankly, there is a fear of being deceived and abandoned again. All this leads to various psychological and physiological problems, such as stress, isolation, unwillingness to communicate with friends and family. At work, everything falls out of hand, and the orders of the boss seem to be something completely unnecessary, interfering with experiencing a difficult life situation. I would like to crawl under the covers with my head, but let no one ask why you are so sad and what happened.

Would you like this state to last half the time you spent with your ex? Let's say we were together for a year, let's forget it for half a year. And so it applies to any time frame. I doubt that at least someone will express a desire to suffer for more than a month, although this, in fact, is quite long.

Let's figure out what measures should be taken in order to again look at life with interest and faith in the best, leaving behind what was.

Realize the fact of separation

Do you know why most girls find it so difficult to survive parting with a loved one? Because even after the very clear phrase “We will not be together anymore,” they continue to hope that nothing is over yet. This is the most difficult thing - to wait for the person who said he does not love. But the question is: is it worth the wait? Is it worth torturing yourself, staying in one place when the former has already gone far ahead? The main thing is to understand that “we need to leave” means “to leave”, and not “to live separately for a while, and then, maybe, I will return”.

Is it worth torturing yourself, staying in one place when the former has already gone far ahead?

Don't take a "step back"

Everything that happens to you in life is a movement forward. Even dismissal and parting. No, you have not become unemployed and lonely again, you have become open to new jobs and new relationships. And calling the ex, requests to meet, trying to find out why everything turned out this way and not otherwise, is, of course, a step back. Do you want to move in the opposite direction of life, missing out on opportunities here and now?

Get distracted

Yes, yes, now you are with your head under the covers, and you do not need anyone. However, if you do not want to grow old there, you will have to make an effort and agree to meet with friends, go shopping with a friend, hit work, watch a couple of funny films (forget the word "melodrama"!), And finally sign up for cutting courses and sewing. Do anything that will bring you happiness and gradually erase thoughts of your ex. In the end, you will find that you can enjoy yourself while being free.

Don't rush to have an affair

Contrary to popular belief, "The best cure for a broken heart is a new relationship," you should not now, until the pain has subsided, become someone's girlfriend again. Psychologists are sure that in such an unstable state, a new connection will only bring more suffering and disappointment. The thing is that there are still too many questions spinning in your head - why did it happen, why did it happen to me, how did it happen, etc. When starting a new romance, you will transfer all unresolved problems from old relationships into it. You yourself will not even notice how you will begin to project the image of the former onto your current lover.

Realize it's not about parting

And it is true. Why are you suffering so much? Because you still love him? Because a few years spent next to a person cannot simply be erased from life, and now you have emptiness inside? Yes. This is hard. But in fact, such stormy and never-ending emotions evokes something completely different in you. Can love make you suffer? True love, creative. Doubtful. Rather, what makes you suffer is that he does not respond to your feelings, that he betrayed you, hurt you, forgot. You may also be tormented by your wounded pride or self-esteem that has fallen below the baseboard, fear of loneliness, etc. Try to figure out what exactly oppresses you. By understanding the cause, you can take a more sober view of the situation.

Try to figure out what exactly depresses you. By understanding the cause, you can take a more sober view of the situation.

Yes, it hurts now, and it seems that life is over. But take a look around: everything is in its place, you are alive and well, the sun has not gone out. Life goes on, only the relationship has ended. Say "thank you" to what happened to you, because this is an invaluable experience, and start moving forward - tomorrow will be a new day.