Roza Syabitova: "To get married - how to walk around the market"

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 17:37

Roza Syabitova: "To get married - how to walk around the market"

Recently, the TV presenter of the Let's Get Married program on Channel One, Rosa Syabitova, released her ninth book, dedicated to the intricacies of family life and relationships with men. Rosa frankly told Cleo about her family, the formula for happiness and success, her participation in the Cruel Intentions project, and much, much more.

I know that you have had a tragedy in your life. A spouse passed away, you are left alone with two small children. And you had to learn to live alone. How did you manage?

- At the level of instincts. There is a conservation law for the survival of the species. Parenting is a natural instinct. You need to feed your children. At this moment, you least of all think about yourself. Such a natural position has never let down any animal. If we talk about a higher being - a person burdened with reason, then it forms a formula for success. It is the habit of overcoming difficulties and the ability to achieve goals. If you form such a habit, you will be successful.

Blitz survey "Cleo":

- Are you friends with the Internet?

- I use it as a means of communication.

- What is an unacceptable luxury for you?

- I am at a loss to answer.

- Where did you spend your last vacation?

- I had a rest with my husband near Sochi.

- Did you have a nickname as a child?

- Kid.

- Are you an owl or a lark?

- I used to be an owl, but now there is no bird. I go to bed late, I get up early.

- How do you relieve stress?

- I drink sedative herbs at night. If the stress goes off scale, I'm looking for a way to throw out adrenaline. For example, take part in Cruel Intentions.

It happens that circumstances give up on goals. For example, a girl wanted to tie the knot with a man. And suddenly he goes to the army, she has been waiting for him for two years. And he returns as a married man with a child in his arms. How not to be disappointed, not to give up?

- From the fact that this happened, you do not cease to exist, just as your needs do not cease to exist: the expectation of happiness, love, the desire to get married. You just need to give yourself time to calm down, look at life more realistically, draw a conclusion from the situation. Moreover, a relationship with a man implies sacrifice. I always say to women: either pride or a man.

And what about the saying "A girl should have pride"?

- Our problem is that we are so smart and well-read … We take a smart book, read the statement and interpret it in our own way. The author does not always put the same meaning in a book or a proverb as the reader. Remember the famous saying from the Bible "Let the wife of her husband be afraid"? For some reason, people do not know that this truth in no way carries the assertion that the wife should be beaten with rods, scolded and humiliated. This phrase has a continuation: "May the wife of her husband be afraid to humiliate the male in him." It all depends on how correctly we interpret what we have read and heard.

Tell me, is helping with the housekeeping humiliation of a man? For example, a wife comes home from work, there is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, and a spouse is lying on the couch watching TV. This is right?

Roza Syabitova: "To get married - how to walk around the market"

- There is no such thing: right or wrong. The Scriptures also detail the responsibilities of a husband and wife. If the wife agrees that the husband is the head of the family, his main responsibility is to create comfort in the family. It includes physical, material and moral security. And his wife is the mistress of his house. She is responsible for the comfort in the house, for the care, relationships of all family members and, of course, for everyday life.

If the husband comes home from work, having fulfilled his duty, he has the right to lie down on the sofa. The man should have options. For example, say: "Honey, I am very tired, how do you look at the fact that the dishes will remain dirty until morning." Or "Wash, please."

If a man refuses, and his wife objects, they say, she also works, let him not be surprised if he hears: “Honey, stay at home. And if you want to develop as a person, then have time both at home and at work. I don't care at all whether you get tired or not. You have made certain commitments. Am I fulfilling my obligations? Yes. What are the claims?"

Not all men are able to earn enough to feed their families. So we have to …

- And when you married him, what did you think about? If you marry Vasya, a locksmith from the fifteenth motor depot, why do you demand from him that he become a businessman Kostya, the head of an oil company? Where were your eyes? A locksmith of the fifth grade can only grow up to a locksmith of the seventh grade. He will never become a businessman. And if you want him to become, then do something! Help him go to college, provide for his family for five years, because the student is unlikely to be able to do this, give him ten years to develop. It is likely that in fifteen years he will be able to achieve something. But demanding the impossible from him without investing any effort is simply ridiculous. My grandmother used to say: “Granddaughter, getting married is like walking through the market. While you are walking - touch, bite, bargain, but when you bought it - even goggle your eyes, and eat! While the bride - choose, got married - that's all, this is your cross.

- What turns you on?

- An interesting project where you can reveal your abilities.

- Which animal do you associate yourself with?

- Lonely she-wolf.

- Do you have a talisman?

- There is a talisman. As a child, my mother gave a small purse to her chest with a prayer.

- What melody is on your mobile phone?

- I am indifferent to mobile phones. With what I bought, she is worth it.

- What is your psychological age?

- Real - 49 years old.

- What is your favorite aphorism?

- It is not enough to want - you have to act. Or stop wanting.

Sometimes girls are very wrong in choosing a life partner. Sometimes, even tragically. For example, a friend of mine married a gay man. She, of course, did not know anything about this until she caught him in bed with another

- It's just funny to me. We read such clever books, watch TV, we all know about gays. Moreover, we know how they behave, and we can guess who is a boy and who is a girl. And suddenly a woman grabs her head only after she caught her husband with a man. Let's be honest: she didn't want to think about it. She knew and saw everything perfectly.

But our female stupidity and irrationality has no boundaries. For some reason, we always think that we can fix a man. The other didn't fix it, but I can. No, you can't fix it!

“My lover beat my ex-wife because she’s a bitch. And I am such a sweetheart, he will not touch me "…

- Yes. Of course it will happen again. If a person quit smoking, this does not mean that he will never smoke again. There will be a breakdown and a relapse.

I know, in your family, too, everything was not easy. When Yuri beat you, you personally told me "I will never forgive him!" What happened? What did he do that you forgive him?

- When trouble comes to a family, any normal person does everything to prevent this from happening again. Say: "I will never let this happen to me." Time makes its own adjustments. The day comes and you try to look at the situation through the eyes of your spouse. After all, we are now talking about a person who does not drink every day and does not wave his hands to the right and to the left. So, you need to find out what is the reason that the man has ceased to control himself. I married a jealous man. It's like the color of the eyes, it will always be that way. Therefore, you are looking for the strength in yourself to live with it. He will not be different. When I said: "I will never forgive," it was the reaction of a child who shouts to dad or mom: "I hate you." It has nothing to do with truth. Our situation revealed very interesting moments. I am engaged in the study of relationships. By my first education I am a system programmer, the second is a psychological one. I think systematically. It was quite difficult to take the place of Yura. But I did it. Later, after interviewing many men of different ages and different views, I found out an interesting thing. It turned out that they want to see a woman next to them who, like a mother, will forgive everything. A man should be sure that if he commits any sin, he will be given time to prove that it was a mistake and correct it. But such women are rare. Telling the readers at the seminar her story, she asked if you can forgive the man for assault? Of the 30 women, only one raised her hand. What about treason? Four people raised their hands here. So, the point is not to forgive or not forgive, but are you capable? This is the woman's problem.

What did you do to prevent the situation from happening again? I suppose you ignore outside men, but are they flirting with you?

“They never flirt with me. This is one of my features. When I saw that my husband was jealous, I asked him one direct question: "Yura, what annoys you?" And he answered: "When they give you flowers at the program." I no longer bring bouquets home, I distribute them after the program. The entire First Channel is buried in my flowers. The peace of mind of my husband is much more valuable than male attention from outside.

Another example. Many men take pictures with me. I immediately explain: do not let go of your hands. No hugs, no kisses. This policy is very tough. The husband appreciated this step.

Let's go back to the issue of forgiveness. Could you teach a woman to forgive what was previously unthinkable for her? For example, the same betrayal. It was unacceptable to her. And suddenly - the husband started an affair on the side. She loves him, they have a good family, children. Divorce is not the best solution. And he cannot forgive. And the tension keeps growing and growing. What to do?

- Do you know that women cheat two percent more often than men? We have the most vulnerable stratum of the population - men. We have brought the country to the point that everyone is cheating on each other right and left. I can't help this woman. I call this "spiritual weakness." Here you have to turn to God and work with your soul. I'm not a father. The only thing I can say is: “My dear, you have lived with this person for many years. When you promised to be to him both in sorrow and in joy, I hope these were not empty words. Here's a test for you. And now you have to show what you are capable of as a woman. And also think how much effort you put into this man. And now you just want to give it already ready to some young woman? " Husbands always returned from mistresses to wives. I didn’t come up with it. When the mistress begins to demand from the man the same as the wife, the man will think hard. Because with his wife everything has already been passed and he invested a lot in her. The investment has already been made. When the fog of pheromones dissipates and he begins to think with his head, the first thought will be: "Why do I need this?" Because he has no confidence that the new spouse will not demand such that he is not able to give her. And at this moment the woman is checked. If she has the mental strength to forgive her husband, she becomes a small homeland for him. And the Motherland is not betrayed, if they emigrate, they always return. There is such a concept of nostalgia. But “I'm sorry” is not enough. A man needs to invest. When you see the wonders of the world, all these magnificent palaces, do you think that it was built from great love for us? No, they atoned for sins. And the next time a man wants to bet on his zealous, he will not think about how sacrificial, kind and smart you are, but about how much it will cost him this time and whether the game is worth the candle.

- I know that, despite your femininity, you are a desperate person. Recently we went to the Cruel Intentions project. There and athletes sometimes give up, the obstacle course is very difficult.

- The streak is not just difficult, it is a very serious test.. I got involved in this event for three reasons. The first one has already been voiced in the "Cleo" blitz poll, it is an adrenaline rush, I need it. Second: there is a collective ethics of Channel One. If the party said "must", I, as a Komsomol member, got together and went. I don't feel any dissatisfaction about this. I really like to support my colleagues when needed. And the third: I have such a feature, it comes to me like a duck on the third day.

That I got involved in this enterprise in vain, I realized when I was already flying away from Argentina. Thank God, there were no injuries, although they could well have been. At fifty, even a former athlete is difficult to pass such an obstacle course.

Then I wondered why it was not the Olympic champions that won, but ordinary TV presenters and actors? We are just very hardy. We work in conditions that involve severe mental and physical stress. When in a closed room without air under the spotlights you need to talk for eight hours, the body grows stronger.

Did you last long enough?

- The project is interesting because it shows how much you are able to cross the line of madness and heroism. At the second stage, there was such a turntable. Whoever watched the show saw it. It's not scary to give birth for the first time, you don't know what will happen to you. The first page was purely on a whim, it was necessary to go through. And then, when time passed, the psyche turned on and began to analyze: “Darling, but here you could not swim out, here you could fly into your head, here you could break your leg in general. Of course, nothing would have happened to me, they would have pulled out and cured. Still, the doctors work very well there. But bruises and broken legs could well end. At the next stage, I tried to persuade myself not to jump. I understood: if I jump, I will go further, the excitement will turn on and the self-preservation system will turn off. I really wanted! But I said to myself: “Rose, you will fly to Moscow and get off the ship to the ball. The next day you have a shoot. Imagine sitting in front of an audience with a broken leg or arm? Or with a black eye? You have obligations to people, your employers. Do not even think about it! And she persuaded herself. External circumstances also played an important role in this. Ksenia Borodina jumped faster than I could. So I realized that whether I jump or not, I will still lose.

I was interested to know that you are a systems programmer by your first education. How did a person of the technical profession enter psychology and matchmaking?

- I did not become a systems programmer by calling. My son is another matter. He is a born systems scientist, computers are everything for him. And I have a well-developed homespun practicality. I, a child of a barrack, quickly realized that you need to learn to survive under any circumstances. I entered the institute and graduated from it in case I do not find myself in what I love. In the dashing 90s I tried many professions. She was the director of a restaurant, was engaged in show business, and was also a programmer. When the children lost their father, the son was four years old and the daughter was two. I had a choice, either to earn money or to take care of children. It was possible to hire a nanny, but I could not do that. After all, except for me, they had no one left. I wanted to kiss their knees, sing lullabies, read fairy tales. I hated the very thought that someone else's aunt would do it. Therefore, they needed a profession that would allow them to earn money, but at the same time be close to them. An important role was played by my son, who once told me: "It is indecent to be alone at your age." I decided that I needed to find a good dad for them. And so she went as a bride and matchmaker in one person. I saw that this market was completely not covered, and began to deal with it. I have been in this industry for 15 years, and it never ceases to amaze me.

The matchmaker's profession is journalism, psychology, neurolinguistic programming (NLP), and taxonomy. In general, all those professions that I owned came in handy. I found my calling. Now I am the legislator of this service at the level of serious legal laws.

- Do you plan to open a matchmaking school in the future?

- I have an Academy of matchmakers. And now I am creating a legal framework that would fit this type of service. I was prompted to this decision by two lawsuits. I acted as a defendant and won them.

How did it happen?

- When the brides sued me, they argued that I had not fulfilled the order and thereby violated the rights of the consumer. But you can't consume a man! This means that there are no regulations. Thank God, a sensible judge was caught who took into account that the system I created worked and helped many. Now there is a Matchmaker Association. This is an official organization created to form a code of laws that will give an understanding of what this service is, how it works. Any person who used the service of a matchmaker and was deceived has the right to receive material and mental support. We will close agencies that do not meet the approved guidelines. Of course, I am not going to monopolize this market, but I will put things in order on it.

What kind of women were they that did not suit them?

- The first is Malkova. A 42-year-old woman has never been married; she came to court with her mother. She came to the first meeting with her mother. And her claim was: “Give me a man. Clone what you want, hypnotize so that he wants me. " We do not do this. If a man does not want a woman due to the fact that no one wanted her until 42, the problem is not in us, but in her. And the second woman is Maksimenko. Sixty years old. She slept with men, and they fled from her after the first night like fire. Both funny and ashamed. They said at the trial: "I slept with her, but I'm not going to do this anymore." These women made bad PR for themselves.

Did they insult you in the courtroom, were you thinking about a counterclaim?

- No. They punished themselves. They lit up and became famous throughout the country. They resent us that even their friends have turned their backs on them. But when you invited journalists to the trial, what did you think about? Did you want to humiliate us? The Lord is not a fraer, he sees everything.

Many people tried to convince me that these lawsuits were unnecessary and that it would be good to conclude a settlement. But the truth is more important to me. I have been earning my living for 15 years as a matchmaker. During this time, my name has become a brand, and honesty and decency stand behind it.

You have published the book "All the tricks, techniques and traps of a real woman." What can the fairer sex learn by reading it?

- There are laws of nature, relationships, life … There is a woman and a man. I prescribe the laws of their coexistence. In this book, I give advice on how to behave if a man lives in the house. In other words, they bought a refrigerator - an instruction, a man in the house - an instruction. At the primitive level.