Questions to the sexologist. "What if he doesn't like petting?"

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Letter to the editor:

Alina, 26, Krasnodar

Irina Vorontsova, psychologist, sexologist:

Alina, unfortunately, is not a question that can be somehow helped to solve in absentia. I doubt that the lack of maternal affection is the cause of your spouse's oddities. His behavior is similar to haptophobia (obsessive fear, fear of touch), and before applying any psychological or behavioral methods of solving the problem, you need to find out if your husband's family has hereditary epilepsy or psychasthenia. If there is, then the first thing to do is to consult a neurologist or psychiatrist. Then only solve the problem at the psychological level.

If it turns out that there are no prerequisites for epilepsy, then it is worth contacting a family psychologist to determine if the husband has a neurosis.

If the fears of touch are not biological, but neurotic in origin, it is difficult to remove the neurosis on your own.

And a very simple option - if you know for sure that there is neither neurosis nor epilepsy, then you should pay attention to your own behavior and to ways of interacting with your husband during sex. Sometimes the fear of touch in men arises as a reaction to suspiciousness, emotional instability, resentment, anxiety of the wife. All these qualities of a woman can be manifested in jealousy, mistrust, excessive control of the spouse. If it is, you will have to work with trust within the family. Frankly, I would still advise you not to engage in amateur performances, but to go to a good family psychologist or sexologist to understand what prospects you have in overcoming this situation.

Nastya Kochetkova, singer, actress:

Alina, in my opinion, in your case the problem lies much deeper than you think. And the point is not at all about maternal affection: rather, a person who did not receive tenderness in childhood seeks to fill this gap in his adult life. It seems to me that your spouse has some powerful complexes that do not allow him to be open and passionate with you. He should turn to a specialist, because it is unnatural not to show tenderness towards his beloved woman. If he loves you, he must change something in himself. Try to talk to him honestly, explain to him what you need. If he flatly refuses to solve this problem, you should think about whether you can live with a person who does not know how to please you and simply does not like affection.

Alexey Goman, singer:

Alina, it is very difficult to argue on such a personal topic, especially to give advice. But it becomes a little strange even because your husband is completely uninterested in his wife's caresses. After all, when you love a woman, then everything in her is pleasant and desirable to you. It's hard for me to guess what is wrong between you, but something is definitely wrong. Talk to him frankly. Try to find out what he likes in general. Don't you feel loved with him? Perhaps he'd better find out about it. Maybe after realizing that he is hurting you, he will change his attitude towards intimate life. But this will only happen if he loves you and if his sexual orientation allows him to live with a woman. This conversation is very difficult, but if you want to make a difference, you have to take risks. In any relationship, love wins. Hope you succeed!