How to become a certified ignoramus

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Somehow a fierce discussion about the benefits of higher education broke out on one of the forums. Always sweet, always correct, always benevolent and ready to help each other, the interlocutors clashed for life and death. Some, who had a diploma, or even two, defended the need for a higher education, others, not burdened with years of study at universities, called the first snobs and insisted that the presence of crusts did not affect the level of intelligence and the quality of work.

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Why waste years of your life studying useless sciences, which you will be immediately asked to forget about on the very first working day and will be taught in a new way? My opinion on this matter is unchanged. Having a bachelor's degree in my hands and studying for a master's degree, I have never regretted that every weekday for 5 years I go to the university. I do not consider this time wasted, and I had no idea that you can get a diploma in another way - easy, but not free. However, this thought is visited by quite a few young men and women. Demand creates supply - and it is already impossible to imagine the Moscow metro without sad aunts and red-cheeked peasants with signs "Diplomas and certificates".

I learned that you can buy a certificate when I was in the 11th grade. Two desperate C-grade students who did not appear in school for weeks, surprisingly everyone graduated from school along with everyone. One threatened the headmistress with a witch-grandmother, for which she immediately received a certificate with the number "3" in all subjects. The parents of the other took a more diplomatic route and paid for a certificate adorned entirely with good grades. In the school magazine, in front of Zoya's surname, quite unexpectedly, there were fives for tests and essays, and a couple of weeks before the final exams, the hopeless C grade turned into a clever good girl. Moreover, one Zoya had a "5" in her certificate in geometry. Picky and greedy for bribes, the mathematician "put" even excellent students on "4". But Zoya turned out to be a real nugget, the hope of world mathematics. "Tired" of grueling studies, Zoya did not go to college that summer, having arranged for herself a year's vacation on the occasion of graduation. A year later, she became a medical student. I have no doubts that Zoya will buy a doctor's diploma. After all, exams are worth so much wasted nerves, and a future brilliant surgeon need not be nervous.

Reasons for buying diplomas:

1. The need to earn money and the inability to combine work with study.

Often, life makes you earn food and support for your family, leaving no time for study. At the same time, it is practically impossible to climb the career ladder without a higher education. An attempt to deceive the boss with a fake diploma is justified if the buyer has the experience and knowledge necessary to successfully complete the work. Otherwise, the enterprise is doomed to fail. After all, getting to the bottom of a layman for a real pro is as easy as shelling pears.

2. Laziness and unwillingness to learn.

Frivolous daughters of wealthy parents and young wives of successful businessmen (not all !!! But there are such people, in the amount of at least one piece per stream of 100 students) prefer not to burden themselves with unnecessary knowledge, spending time lectures in beauty salons and fashion stores … The presence of money from a husband or parents seems to them sufficient reason to live life easily and naturally and without economic theory or the subtleties of European literature. They need a diploma as an elegant addition to a pair of diamond earrings to raise their status in the eyes of their husbands or potential grooms.

3. The prestige of the university.

Usually, for this reason, graduates of unpopular universities buy a diploma from another university. A diploma from an unknown university is not always quoted by employers, while the crust of a prestigious university often becomes a ticket to the world of big money and a brilliant career. In this case, the "buyer" possesses the knowledge necessary for the profession and simply replaces the place of study with a more well-known one.

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In the first case, you become the owner of a real linden tree: a diploma is issued on a fake or real crust of the institute, written off or stolen, the necessary fields are filled in - and you are already a lawyer, doctor or psychologist. Naturally, your name does not get into the institute's database, and it is quite easy to catch you cheating - you just have to look for the name in the list of graduates.

This pleasure costs an average of $ 200 to $ 500.

Entering your last name into the university database is a higher level scam. In this case, options are possible: from simple inclusion in the list of graduates (on average, $ 500 plus the cost of the diploma) to the defense of the diploma at the State Atomic Energy Committee under the strict guidance of a scientific supervisor. The role of the supervisor is usually performed by an important person from the dean's office, who warns the admissions committee how to behave with a special student, writes the text of the speech and accompanies you during your defense. This option is suitable for those who entered the university, but abandoned it after the first or second year. In this case, the missed exams are put down with an automatic machine, and you, joking and playing, get a real diploma on a par with your classmates who have been poring over textbooks for 5 years.

This pleasure is not cheap, a person holding a leading position in the dean's office will not tarnish his reputation for less than 2,000 dollars. The upper limit is unlimited - depending on the prestige of the university and the greed of your curator.

The most expensive are diplomas of economics and law faculties.

An important role is played by the grades that you want to have in a fake diploma. For example, a C-grade diploma will cost three times less than a red diploma.

I remember how, while defending the diploma, the graduates of our department had a wonderful vision, which plunged everyone into a state of silent shock. In the middle of the defense, the door opened, on the threshold appeared the radiant head of the dean's office, Anton Petrovich, holding Marina, our classmate, whom we last saw in the first year, by the arm. Having whispered with the commission, Petrovich asked to listen to Marina out of turn. And she ascended the department, looking like a kind of heavenly creature in a frivolous pink sarafan against the background of students, on the occasion of defending their dissertations, dressed in business suits and strict white blouses.

The theme of Marina's work sounded highly inspired: "Biblical motives in the work of Lermontov", which looked especially comical against the background of her deep neckline. The speech was read out with feeling from a piece of paper, Marina answered the questions of the commission out of place and not on the topic, to the request of the venerable professor to read the lines of the great poet, the girl was embarrassed and, writing off everything to excitement, she was able to recall only the lines from the fifth grade poem - "A golden cloud spent the night ".

Anton Petrovich frankly prompted and desperately shielded the ward, composing inspired praises in honor of this fragile girl who risked touching such deep layers of Lermontov's lyrics and did the most difficult work worthy of admiration. The students laughed, Marina was nervous, the professors shook their heads.

As a result, Anton Petrovich just as casually grabbed the young talent by the shoulders, put him in the corridor and, thanking for the attention and apologizing for the trouble, left the audience. And Marina got "excellent" on a par with all of us who spent 5 years studying and six months writing a scientific work. And she "graduated" from the university with a diploma of the most real sample with more than satisfactory grades.

Did she get smarter from it? Not sure. One thing consoles me - Marina will not be able to harm people as much as those who buy doctors' diplomas. Having bought herself a diploma in philology, the vain Marina, who dreamed of a career as a singer, actress and TV presenter at the same time, will only satisfy her own vanity. It is impossible to make a successful career with just a diploma. If she is a great actress and talented TV presenter - success and good luck. But she will achieve them not because of the crust, but only thanks to her personal qualities.

By the way, 2 years have passed, and Marina is not visible on the screen. Perhaps not everything in our world is bought and sold?

I really want to believe that real doctors will treat us, real lawyers will advise us, and real teachers will teach our children. And what is the situation from the joke "Colleague, where did you buy your diploma?" will not become a reality, but will remain a fertile topic for humorists.