How to deal with the Cinderella complex

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

We were brought up on fairy tales with a happy ending and sincerely believe that a beautiful and noble prince will save us from the whirlwind of hardships and misfortunes. He will take us to the distant kingdom, where we will live in pleasure and we will not know grief.

In the meantime, we humbly agree with all the hardships of fate, take one blow after another, humbly substituting either the left or the right cheek, and we all wait, wait and wait … In psychology, this attitude to life is called the Cinderella complex, and much more women suffer from it than we can imagine.

Remember the heroine of Charles Perrault's fairy tale: she is attached to her father, who in everything obeys his oppressive wife - the stepmother of a young girl. Cinderella fulfills any, even the most absurd, orders of her half-sisters and their mother. She lives in her dreams and fantasies, not trying to change anything in real life. The people around do not take the girl seriously, believing that she cannot make independent decisions, and even more so to repulse the offenders.

Cinderella's only hope is a sudden miracle, which, I must say, might not have happened. Let the poor girl be lucky, but this is only one chance in a million: the rest of Cinderella's, of whom there are a myriad of today, continue to sit in one place, relying on someone's goodwill and not putting even the slightest effort to change their difficult life.

What are they - modern Cinderella? They are humble and content with little. They allow others to sit on their necks and dangle their legs. These girls do not even know how it is to deal with other people's negative influence. Any thought of fighting makes them fearful.

123RF / Sergey Tryapitsyn

Cinderellas do not take responsibility: they do not know how to do this, preferring that in a difficult situation someone would make a decision for them. They want to be good for everyone around them, so they regularly step on the throat of their desires. And finally, Cinderellas are constantly in the clouds: they dream of great and pure love, dizzying success, and universal recognition. What are these women doing to fulfill their desires? That's right, nothing. They just dream, that's all.

If you recognize yourself in this description and you don't like it at all, then it's time to change something. Of course, you, as Cinderella, find it difficult to find the strength in yourself and somehow change your own life, but you will have to try. Otherwise, you run the risk of remaining just a humble stepdaughter, who can only skillfully scrub pots and sort out cereals.

Understand the reasons

Some psychologists argue that most Cinderellas like to feel like victims and this behavior is essentially a voluntary choice.

Of course, you may be indignant: “Do I want not to be reckoned with and not taken seriously?”, But think about this: you are used to measuring life in terms of “good - bad”. It is good to be kind, hardworking, obedient, pure, blameless. It is bad to impose your point of view on others, not to help your neighbor, to be cruel with others. You are good, they are bad.

You, as a true martyr, steadfastly endure all the blows of fate, because it cannot be otherwise, such is your lot. Your suffering proves once again that you are doing everything "right", so you persist in suffering.

123RF / Olena Yakobchuk

Perhaps, as a child, your parents hammered into your head that all the good things in life must be earned: by hard work, hardships and, finally, a whip, without which there is no carrot. So you live in complete confidence that it cannot be otherwise, and your suffering is a constant confirmation that you are on the right path to your happiness.

Don't look for a strong shoulder

Of course, it is important when there is a person next to you you can rely on, but if you are looking for strong shoulders only in order to shift all responsibility for your own actions and thoughts onto them, then you better stop and think: “Am I not capable of control your life? Why can others do it and I can't? Why should someone be responsible for me and for themselves?"

There is nothing terrible in realizing one day: you are free to make decisions yourself, you may not want something and no one will force you to do it. You will see, over time, you will begin to experience the pleasure of this life approach.

Believe in yourself

You need to believe in your own strengths and finally return to reality from the world of dreams and fantasies. No, this does not mean that from now on you should stop dreaming of happiness and love, you just should not devote all of yourself to these dreams, completely forgetting about what surrounds you in reality. Moreover, in reality you will not be surrounded by absolutely nothing worthwhile until you yourself, with your own hands, start to improve it.

123RF / ammentorp

Learn to say no

The very idea of refusal for Cinderella is akin to something revolutionary, but this is what you need - to make a small revolution in the soul and in relations with others. Therefore, stop being afraid that they will turn away from you, they will not love you, and listen to your desires - you probably have them. Don't want to meet with a bored acquaintance who constantly "burdens" you with her problems? Tell her no. If you are not yet ready to voice the true reason, come up with an excuse, but in no case do not step on the throat of your desires, trying to be good for everyone but yourself.

Trust in the prince, but don't do it yourself

In the fairy tale, Cinderella meets a handsome prince and they live happily ever after. In reality, everything is much more prosaic: Cinderellas do not cease to be them even after marriage. They demand increased attention from their husbands, suffer (they like it) when a loved one does not respond to their all-consuming tenderness and affection, literally stifle him with their care.

Feeling that there is not a drop of freedom in this relationship, men, as a rule, slowly but surely move away from the Cinderellas, and they continue to suffer, but for another reason. Therefore, do not hope that with the appearance of a loved one in your life, it will sparkle with bright colors. Men love self-sufficient women, who must be achieved even after several years of marriage. Be a mystery girl, not a girl "I'm all yours, I won't let you go for a second."

123RF / Oleksii Hrecheniuk