The Old Maid: Fate or Diagnosis?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

An old maid is a woman who remains a virgin all her life. This is the main meaning of this stable phrase. But everything is much deeper. The old maid is not so much age and lack of sexual relations with men, as a state of mind, a warehouse of character. And is it possible at all to determine the age limit, overcoming which a virgin automatically becomes an old maid? 40 years? Or 30? Or even 25? There are girls who, even at 20, call themselves such. But that's a completely different story.

Twenty-year-olds, by definition, cannot be old maids - they are just afraid to stay with them. Although the makings of an old maid are easy to identify at a young age. Everything is very individual, but usually a girl who is at risk of growing old as a virgin is characterized by:

1) low self-esteem ("

2) overestimated requirements for men ("Waiting for the Prince")

3) spending free time at home ("I'd better bake a cake on the weekend and eat it when" Four Weddings and One Funeral "is on TV)

4) condemnation of girlfriends who easily converge and diverge from men ("Now he says he loves. Let's see what happens in a month")

5) disgust in relation to a man's smell, exaggeration of unpleasant sensations from life with a man ("I can't imagine how it is to live with a man, smell his socks, wash sweaty shirts")

6) attaching great importance to minor signs of attention from men, followed by long-term savoring of details ("When last Wednesday he stood at the window at the university, and I walked by, he looked THAT. But yesterday, on the contrary, pretended not to notice me. Then why did he look like this on Wednesday? ")

7) ill-concealed joy when listening to stories about other people's partings and divorces ("So, they will jump out in marriage, give birth to children, and then - at a broken trough. It's better to be alone")

8) acceptance of active courtship by men with hostility ("He lowered his hand his dance time just below my back - everything is clear with him, womanizer!")

9) a decisive refusal from dating through ads, via the Internet, with the help of marriage agencies ("This is humiliating. MY man will find me himself")

10) fear of sex as such, a subconscious belief that it is indecent, dirty, bad.

If you have not yet entered into intimate relationships with men, and more than three of the above character traits suit you, there is reason to think. Are you not too critical of the opposite sex and are you too closed in your cozy little world, like a mouse in a mink?

The old maid, undoubtedly, is experiencing her not quite full-fledged position in society. The complexes associated with the lack of relationships with men gradually turn into a huge hairy lump in the soul, leaving an imprint on the character and relationships with others. And the people around it sometimes find it even more difficult than the "old girl" herself. After all, you need to understand, adapt and try not to offend such a person. Unfortunately, usually attempts to lure the mouse out of its burrow are unsuccessful.

"Tamara is my colleague at work. She is 40 years old. Somehow, by chance, I overheard a conversation between colleagues that she is an old maid. But I like Tamara! Not a beauty, but well-groomed, slim, smart, well-read. And I told her During the six months that we began to communicate more often, she has changed a lot for the better. She stopped wearing a ponytail - she looses her long hair, smells of perfume, changes clothes almost every day. I feel that this is all for me. But! She behaves so illogically. As soon as I start talking with a female colleague, Tamara immediately comes up with questions, recalls me on the stupidest reason, just to prevent us from communicating. Everything is so naive, noticeable. But at the same time I feel that Tamara is afraid of me! Seriously! Once we sat down to drink tea with her, I got up and locked the door in the office, and she jumped up and immediately opened: "Why did you close it? What if someone needs to come in?"

Calls me exclusively "you", although I am one of the youngest employees in the team, and most of them say "you" to me. I am drawn to her, I am not even afraid of the age difference, condemnation from colleagues and acquaintances. But she does not allow herself to be approached a single step. And in the team there are already rumors that we are meeting in secret.

A glaring incident happened when I returned from a business trip. At six o'clock in the morning, leaving the train, on the platform of the station, I suddenly saw Tamara. She was waiting for me. She came up, greeted affably, still addressing "you". And suddenly I hear: "I live next door, let's go in and have some tea?" Well, everything, I think, here it is, finally, I decided! "They came to her, she is terribly polite. And absolutely cold. She sits me on the sofa, and she huddles in a chair against the opposite wall. The atmosphere in the apartment is depressing. Sterile cleanliness and at the same time old-fashioned in everything: crocheted flowerpots, an old piano … Pours tea and giggles - the tea bags have the name "Kama in the morning." Immediately jumps back into his chair. “I rode the train just one night and washed myself the day before.

The situation is idiotic: half past six in the morning, the winter wind is blowing in the apartment, we drink tea at a distance of three meters from each other and talk about the poetry of Arthur Rambo and the theater of Roman Viktyuk. Since then, I have not made any more attempts to get closer to Tamara."

My daughter Lena is already 28 years old, and she still does not meet with men. She looks like a married matron with a kindergarten child - tall, large, with a heavy look. As if she has already experienced so much, but in fact - a real child!

When she was 23 years old, she and her friend talked about work with two guys. And then the guys invited them to celebrate the New Year together. The girls perked up: they were preparing salads, choosing outfits for themselves, doing hairstyles. After the holiday Lena returned angry: "They only need one! All men are the same!" It turned out that a friend slept with one of the guys, and the other molested Lena. Later, a friend married that guy, and Lena quarreled with her, considering it a traitor.

Lena is very worried about her loneliness, believes that the whole thing is overweight, terribly complex. I say to her: "Look what ugly people there are among married people! It's not about looks!" Doesn't listen, periodically starves himself. He doesn't like going on a visit, he plans to go on vacation with me. Why should I scare off the suitors? He does not want to get acquainted with the ads in any way: "What am I, flawed or what?" When I try to introduce her to the son of some acquaintances, she freaks out. Lately she has been crying a lot, saying: "Mom, what am I living for?" And I think, how did I bring her up, after all, she jumped out to get married at the age of 18 ?! It's sad to imagine that she will remain an old maid, and I will never wait for my grandchildren "…

It is difficult to advise others, and even more so to the old maidens themselves, but I will try. If you really torments indecently prolonged virginity, perhaps, contrary to one's life convictions, for a while, stop waiting for your One and just sleep … No, not with just anyone. And with a man who shows signs of attention to your person. He has a lot of flaws and you don't see him as your boyfriend? Well, that's even better! His main task will be to help you lose your virginity. Just don't forget about contraception! The old maid complex is neutralized, the thought that "nobody wanted me so far!" lose their relevance, and you can finally calmly think about why you are still alone.

And if your virginity is you does not torment, but only public opinion strains - don't give a damn about everyone, you have your own life and you are free to build it as you please. Sex is not the only ingredient in happiness. You can realize yourself not only as a lover and wife, but also, for example, become a super professional in your field. In the end, take the child from the orphanage. And it's just so interesting and bright to live that no one would even think of calling you an old maid.