What if you don't love him anymore

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Of course, you can't wake up one morning and suddenly realize that I no longer love the man whom for many years I considered the closest and dearest. This awareness matures for a long time, appears on the basis of numerous conflicts, problems, unspoken grievances and, as a result, baffles: what to do next? Leave or try with all your might to revive the fading relationship? Psychologists advise not to cut from the shoulder and, when making a decision, focus primarily on your own feelings.

From the outside it may seem that a woman who has realized that she no longer loves her man should not worry: she said goodbye and move on. In fact, everything is not at all simple. The first feeling that comes to us is fear. We are afraid to be alone, afraid to hurt, afraid of change. But at the same time, we passionately wish to be happy, and in self-violence - that is, in life with an unloved person - it is difficult to find happiness. This is where the moment comes when, finally, it is necessary to place punctuation marks in the fateful verdict “to leave you cannot stay”.

How to make a decision?

If you find yourself in such a difficult situation, listen to yourself and your own feelings, discarding the factors that immediately come to mind: shared apartment, children, financial situation. In this case, it is necessary to figure out whether in fact "love has passed, the tomatoes have withered" or there are feelings, but they are mired in a huge pile of problems and unspoken grievances.

It is better to sort it out, of course, together. That is why psychologists advise to talk frankly with your partner and understand what awaits your union in the future. Perhaps a heart-to-heart conversation will give you hope that you can still save. In the end, no one person is able to stop loving another overnight and irrevocably. And most couples, contrary to their opinion, are very far from the point of no return.

What is not worth staying for

Of course, if love has passed due to the fact that your husband offends you in every possible way, then you should not even think - it is unlikely that something worthwhile will come of this relationship. However, there are times when feelings cool down for no specific reason, and then it becomes quite difficult to make a decision to leave.

There are a number of factors that shouldn't keep you close to someone you don't love.

1. Children. Psychologists are sure - this is just an excuse. Women hide behind children, justifying their dependence on a partner, and do not think that children can be happy only in happy families, and not in those where parents are only playing love.

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2. Shared housing, finances. Again, this is nothing more than dependence on a partner and relationship. In the event of a rupture, the housing and financial situation will level out over time, so admit that you are not afraid of losing material wealth, you are afraid of losing someone you no longer even love.

3. A sense of duty. It's about codependency. Codependent people are absorbed in the idea of saving their neighbor (“he cannot live without me, he will be lost”). They believe that they must take care of others, sacrifice themselves, while ignoring their own needs. Unfortunately, in such a relationship there can be no talk of love, and children cannot grow up to be psychologically healthy people.

4. Fear of loneliness. Most women, when asked why they do not leave an unloved man, say: "I am afraid to be alone." However, the fear of loneliness should not become the only reason for maintaining an exhausted relationship, since an alliance built on the desire of one partner to literally "merge" with another (and, sometimes it does not matter at all, with which one), is doomed to failure in advance.

How to get love back

If you don't want to ruin the relationship at all and you are ready to revive the disappeared feeling, we will show you a couple of ideas on how to do it.

What keeps people together over the years? Common interests, values, aspirations. Can this be said about your couple?

1. Go to another level. What keeps people together over the years? Common interests, values, aspirations. Can this be said about your couple? If not, try to understand and accept what is important to your partner. Feeling that you have something in common will bring you even closer.

2. Find something new. Experts are sure that love is a sincere interest in another person and an unquenchable desire to study him, getting acquainted with something new every day. Therefore, if your man has long been a book for you, try to look at him with different eyes. Look at him as if you are another woman and he is a wonderful stranger. You will be surprised, but even a small effort, coupled with the desire to see something new in a partner, can take a relationship to a qualitatively new level.

Some women decide to stay in a relationship without wanting to breathe new life into faded feelings. They believe that habit, mutual respect, and even pity are enough. True, psychologists warn that such a relationship, unfortunately, cannot be called healthy. Yes, such a connection can be quite strong, because partners, as a rule, live with a common hope that in the end everything will change by itself and they will become happy, but since this is not possible, the risk of disappointment is too great.