What to do if your relationship with mom doesn't go well

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

If something does not suit us very much in a relationship with a man, we can say at any moment: "Sorry, but here our paths diverge." Of course, it won't be easy, but as they say, we don't have to be around those we don't need. The same applies to friends who, for some reason, cease to be them: we gradually move away from some, with others we break any ties with lightning speed.

But there are those in our environment who will always be there, despite misunderstandings and conflicts. We are talking about close relatives, namely about the only and most beloved mother.

123RF / ocsaymark

Unfortunately, not everyone has a trusting relationship with their mother. Sometimes conflicts arise through the fault of the daughter, sometimes the mother is to blame, but nevertheless, more often both do everything possible so that later they can hardly be in the same room.

Adult daughters complain that mothers are constantly unhappy with them, that they are unrestrained, cling to any reason and try to teach them about life. Mothers explain their behavior by the desire to instruct the child on the right path, to protect him from all sorts of troubles and to share their life experience until the daughter breaks the wood. Needless to say, what such good intentions are poured into, when one side presents them in the form of claims and moralizing, and the other does not want to see at least something good in them and in every possible way demonstrates that it can independently dispose of its life.

In this case, both the mother and the daughter suffer. The first believes that she undeservedly receives one after another slap in the face from the person to whom she devoted all of herself, and the second is sure that she is doing everything right and her mother simply does not understand her. Is it possible to mend a relationship with a mother when it seems that they are at an impasse? We will give you some tips to help you get close to your dearest person again, leaving endless quarrels behind.

Don't forget who you are fighting with

Sometimes you get into a rage and start throwing the most unpleasant words at the offender. However, it is very important to remember who exactly is standing in front of you right now. It's one thing to argue with a work colleague or friend you can't rely on, and quite another to argue with your own mother. No matter how trite it may sound, but this person not only gave you life on your birthday - he was there in the most difficult moments, helped to get up when you fell from a swing or a tricycle, blew on bruises and bruises, did not sleep at night, when you had a temperature, and was ready to give his own life for you, if need be.

123RF / Evgeny Atamanenko

Yes, now you are looking at your mother, and it seems to you that in front of you is just a stubborn tyrant, standing his ground and not even trying to understand you, but just imagine that this tyrant will suddenly disappear. She is no longer young and may need help as much as you did when you were little.

Therefore, always remember who you are arguing with, and choose your words carefully. First, there will come a time when you cannot forgive yourself for some of them. And secondly, being more selective in expressions, you will be able to smooth out the already sharp corners.

Step into her place

Do not think that life's difficulties haunt only you, your mother also has a lot of them. Of course, there are a lot of reasons for the emergence of conflicts between mother and daughter, but the overwhelming majority of psychologists assure that the basis is very often maternal dissatisfaction with her own life. Perhaps your mother once left your husband, and now she has serious health problems. Here you want it or not, but you will periodically vent your anger on loved ones. Never forget that Mom is not a robot. This is a person with his own thoughts, experiences, problems and fears. Maybe you should find the right moment and have a heart-to-heart talk with her?

Talk

Despite the fact that we agreed to protect the feelings of a loved one, we will clarify that you should not hush up grievances, especially since your mother probably tells you about everything that does not suit her in you. Try to voice your discontent too, just present it in a more positive way. Instead of "you never listen to me, you don't care what I feel at all!" you can say "please listen to me, I'm sure you will understand me", and the phrase "of course, you have the worst daughter in the world!" it is better to replace it with "your praise means a lot to me."

123RF / Iakov Filimonov

Take advice

It is very important for her to know that you need her as much as you did 20 years ago. So don't forget to talk to your mom about how to make a particular salad or how to get red wine stains off your white blouse. First, the advice of a woman who clearly has more experience in these matters than you, will really help you. And secondly, your mother will see that you never thought to forget about her, that she is still the same smart and wonderful woman in the world for you. Also, if you know that she has a soft spot for moralizing, it’s best if you choose the topics for these teachings.

123RF / Vadim Guzhva

Take an interest in her life

People of the age are especially acutely experiencing inattention to themselves on the part of loved ones. That is why a call from a grandson from another city is a great excuse to brag to your girlfriends.

Be more attentive to your mother: take an interest in her well-being, come to visit, bringing her favorite sweets as a present, and when buying the little things you need in the household for your home, do not forget to sometimes buy something for her as well.

You will see that such a gentle and caring attitude will eventually melt the ice between you, and you will be able to hold meetings without reproaches and scandals.