How to learn to forgive resentment

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

They offend everyone without exception. Everyone, without exception, offends. Children in the sandbox, schoolchildren, adults - each of us has ever said or done something unpleasant to another person, made him worry, cry, get angry and sometimes even stop communicating with us. We feel remorse for having offended someone. But when they offend us, we feel the earth recede from under our feet, we ask, “Why do I need this? why did he do that? and we promise ourselves that we will never forgive the offender for his words or actions, and then we suffer, dragging the baggage of accumulated grievances with us everywhere.

Unforgiven grudges really get in the way of our lives. Day by day savoring in detail the situation that made us for some time lose faith in human honesty, kindness, the ability to help and understand, we only make things worse for ourselves, do not allow our consciousness to get rid of negative thoughts in order to let in new - positive ones. In addition, the inability to forgive resentment is nothing more than an escape from difficulties. It is much easier to harbor a grudge against a person, daily cherishing their own "ego", humiliated and insulted. And it is much more difficult to find the strength in yourself and try to understand what is the real reason for what happened. Or maybe we ourselves provoked the conflict? Or suddenly we understood everything not at all the way our offender wanted? In any case, even if the other person intentionally hurt you, then most likely only you are experiencing discomfort now. Do you really not want to free yourself from oppressive thoughts, stop accumulating negative emotions that someday will surely burst out and do it at the most inopportune moment?

Do not gloat, just stop feeling sorry for yourself and understand that the "culprit" is no better now.

So how do you learn to forgive hurt feelings?

1. Remember how you feel in those moments when you offend someone. You usually don't do this when you're in a good mood. You can feel bad, be angry with someone, just want to sleep, but you almost never offend a person if you are happy and want to hug the whole world. Now consider the situation when you were offended. Yes, it’s unpleasant. Yes, it hurts. But think about the fact that your abuser may not be in his best condition right now. Do not gloat, just stop feeling sorry for yourself and understand that the "culprit" is no better now. It may well be that he needs help much more than you do.

2. Always analyze the cause of the conflict. Sometimes it happens that you quarrel with a person, throw a bunch of hurtful words at him, then you yourself suffer from everything you have said and heard, you decide that the relationship has been given up, but just because of what you cannot understand. And all because in the heat of a quarrel we perceive many things much more sharply than we would have done if we were in a state of complete rest. Sometimes it happens that even a loudly placed cup on the table at the moment of "debriefing" is a signal for the offensive and claims in the spirit of "ah, you will also throw cups at me!" Therefore, always analyze the cause of the conflict, preferably in a calm environment.

3. Do not assume that forgiveness is manna from heaven for your offender. Of course, if you just can't forget the insult inflicted on your loved one, and he more than anything else wants you to ask him, then your favor will be extremely important to him. However, you should understand that you need forgiveness first of all, and not the one who offended you. Accumulated grievances destroy us from the inside. We sometimes suffer from memories that others have long forgotten. Continuing to remember the negative moments of our life, we relive them from time to time. Do you like to mock yourself? Then keep up the good work. But if you want to be happy, let go of the situation and forgive those who hurt you.

4. Weigh the pros and cons. Sometimes refusing to forgive a person, we also refuse further relations with him. But for some reason you communicated before this unpleasant incident happened. If, after weighing all the pros and cons, you realize that your offender is not ideal, but he is dear to you, and you are connected by wonderful life moments, then put bad thoughts out of your head and forgive him everything. However, it may also happen that the insult will become a kind of the last straw in the bowl of your patience, and you will no longer want to see this person. In this situation, just tell him mentally: “Thank you for everything. I forgive you. But now our roads are diverging. Good luck.

If you are unable to tell the person about your feelings by looking into their eyes, then use your imagination.

5. Talk to your abuser mentally. This point follows from the previous one. If you are unable to tell the person about your feelings by looking into their eyes, then use your imagination. Imagine that he is sitting opposite, explain what hurt you, tell us what emotions you experienced at the moment when he offended you. And then thank you for the invaluable life experience that you received as a result of the insult (after all, now you really know a little more about people and their actions), and say out loud the phrase "I forgive you." In fact, this is a very serious step - in this way you are freed from emotional dependence, from the power that this person had over you lately.

Many do not want to admit it, but only we ourselves are responsible for what we feel. If now you are replaying the resentment of the past years over and over again in your head and feel that you are not happy because of the words or deeds that are forgotten by everyone except you, then well, this is your choice. The paradox is that we ourselves do not allow ourselves to abandon negative emotions, because it is in them that we see the causes of all our troubles, and it’s much easier: to look for the reason not in ourselves, but in the world around us. Finally dare to be happy, let go of old grievances, forgive the offenders, and you will see that life will become more beautiful.