Should I forgive betrayal of a man?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

At that terrible moment, when a woman finds out that her beloved was cheating on her on the other, something seems to break off in her chest, anger obscures her eyes, and thoughts and emotions vying with each other scream: “Traitor! Traitor! (add your options). Do not forgive! Down with such a relationship! Let it roll out of your life!"

But situations are different. And sometimes it is necessary here and now not to succumb to the persuasion of the internal "screamers", allowing them to cool down. And the most should think, is this the very point of no return? Maybe this is nothing more than a test, after which your relationship will flourish even more beautifully?

I, Julia Lanske, love-coach number 1 in the world according to the international iDate Awards 2019, cannot give you an unequivocal answer whether to forgive the one who cheated on you. It all depends on your situation.

Instead, I will give you tools that will help you deal with the situation yourself with the least loss, and also understand whether to give a man a second chance.

Why is it so reluctant to forgive him

The highest and strongest obstacle to resolving this situation is pain and resentment. And also - the inability to trust the traitor who lied, manipulated and managed to commit such a low act behind your back. After all, once he chose you, vouched to be with you, and not with other women, but he broke his promise, which undermined trust. And as you can imagine, without trust, all types of intimacy dry up, the connection becomes thinner, and the relationship dies before our eyes.

However, there are a lot of examples when even the betrayal of one of the partners was not the reason for the breakup, but only one of the tests for the strength of the couple who managed to cross it and move on. Therefore, before making the main decision, you need to go through 5 important steps, each of which must be objectively weighed and considered.

Well, let's go!

Step one. Why did you do it?

Sometimes, just recognizing the cause and eliminating it allows a woman to understand whether it is worth fighting for a relationship that has leaked. Here are the top 7 reasons why men turn left:

1. The woman got stuck. That is, she relaxed, stopped looking after herself, waved her hand at herself and is no longer a trophy for a man. She does not try to be interesting for him, does not hesitate in communication and behavior, often carries a lot of negativity in relationships.
2. Chasing a new passion. This happens when a man's body has a wild lack of freshness of emotions, and temperament is in full swing and moves to conquer. The current relationship has become boring for him, and he is haunted by the fact that somewhere near there is a bright, dynamic life. And he decides to plunge into it.
3. A way to assert yourself. Some men believe that having several women (especially younger ones) is an indicator of masculinity, a tribute to fashion or something. And no matter how we blame such a "mod", the roots of this problem nevertheless lie in a woman who could not give a man confidence in herself and missed something somewhere, since he went to be realized in yet another relationship.
4. Gray hair. This is physiology, or midlife crisis. When a man wants to make a "demobilization chord" of the outgoing youth.
5. Low moral values. In a person in the habit of perception, it is considered the norm to change, and even if there is a legal wife, build a harem in the backyard. You can call this a habit of being unfaithful - for such a man it is the norm when there are many women around him.
6. The mistake of youth. For some reason, the man got married, thinking that he loved his wife, but in the process of his life he realized that this was not his other half, that he stumbled and now compensates for his lack of freedom by rampant in secret relationships. In such a situation, the wife is often not initially loved enough to be faithful to her.
7. A flash of emotion. This is a scenario where a man thinks he has found a soul mate and is captured by passion. He is strongly attracted to a new woman, and he no longer sees the point of being faithful to his wife. It is in this situation that a return to the previous relationship is practically impossible.

Step two. Do you deserve to be forgiven?

So, with the reason, I hope you have decided. But something tells me that the pain from this did not subside and did not even subside. Now it's time to analyze whether to forgive a man.

Answer these important questions:

• Did he cheat on his previous women? (see the fifth reason above)
• Was it a one-off or were the betrayal systematic? (Or maybe even a long romance?)
• What guarantees can he give you that this will not happen again? (arguments must be weighty)
• What was your relationship like when it happened? (if you knew that a man is unhappy with you, you can justify him, but then you have to work on yourself)
• Does he regret what he did? (for forgiveness, he must feel no less pain than you)

Answer honestly: your happiness and future depend on it.

Step three. We need to part. For a while

As a rule, after revealing the fact of infidelity, women try to pursue a man, tracking every step and staying close. Don't do this. It is better to disperse for a few days or limit meetings in order to sort out your desires, emotions and thoughts about the situation one-on-one with yourself.

It is sometimes helpful to keep a journal of your emotions and the questions you want to answer at the end of a temporary separation. As a rule, sober thinking in conditions of loneliness brings competent and wise decisions. Don't be lazy - write everything down. The paper will stand up to everything, and as a result you will receive an action plan with clearly formulated arguments and do not miss anything.

Step three. Meet

This is not a date. This is an important and responsible meeting, the purpose of which is to jointly make the final verdict on whether you should start a new page in your relationship. Warn the man that you still need answers to many questions (you wrote them down, didn't you?).

It is important to realize that the meeting itself, as well as what you can hear from a man, will be incredibly painful. But as doctors sometimes do pain for good, so this pain of honest answers should illuminate for you a system of further general actions.

And when you listen to the man, discuss with him how you can cope with the situation, what is worth working on, and what guarantees he can give you, provided that you will be together again. This is the stage when the previous path along which you walked ends. And a qualitatively new one begins. With or without a man - you decide.

Step four: building new relationships

The old volume of your relationship is finished and can be thrown into the furnace. Now you have to write it all over again.

Yes, it's kind of sad, but it's also exciting. Just imagine: your romance is already based on knowing each other, which will allow you not to step on rakes and calluses. And the chances are that everything will go much better and easier than the first time!

But with one thing at first there will be difficulties - this is the reanimation of trust. I will not give passionate quotes about him, you already know everything. You can forgive a person, but you cannot bring yourself to trust him. Restoring faith in a man who has cheated takes time. You may be suspicious of his actions, conversations, correspondence. However, you also need to understand that you have chosen to forgive him and are giving the relationship a second chance. So do your best and try to regain trust in the one you love.

Step Five: Get Ready for Change

Of course, a man should provide you with confidence in him. If he wants to get back together, discuss the rules for a new relationship, both from him and from your side. Do not forget about one of the most important conditions: never look back.

However, remember that there is your role in what happened. Think what the man was looking for in that other woman, what did he lack in you? How was he next to her? Build your self-esteem by banishing jealousy and suspicion. Develop yourself both as a woman and as a person. Do not forget: in order not to come to the old result, you can no longer be the same. I do not argue that if you have been together for a long time, it will be difficult for you to create yourself anew for him and make him see a new woman in yourself. But for the sake of general happiness, it's worth trying!

Time heals wounds that can be healed. It is frivolous to immediately expect a quick recovery and a perfect relationship. But if you approach it with feminine wisdom, you will succeed. They say that relationships after infidelity can be reborn from the ashes and have extraordinary strength. What doesn't kill definitely makes us stronger.

We all make mistakes - humans are imperfect beings. But we can also learn from our mistakes so that we don't repeat them. I, Julia Lanske, wish you never to face the situation that this article is about. And if this still touched you, then let your decision bring you only satisfaction, no matter what you decide.

Come to my online pages and get working recommendations on how to become a woman with whom a worthy and serious man will be confident in himself and will never turn left!

Youtube:

Vkontakte:

Facebook:

Instagram: