How to find the man of your dreams: the best tips from books

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Bookstore shelves are full of research on how to find the perfect husband. How effective are these tips? We analyzed three bestsellers and looked for tricks that actually work.

Cindy Lou's Four Cavalier Plan

Motto: "Meet several at the same time"

The main advice of the bestseller Plan 4 Cavaliers. The Ideal Man: Find, Choose, Marry, "co-written by Hollywood actress Cindy Lou with Amanda Bynes, dating multiple men at once. More precisely - with four at the same time. What for? According to the authors, this way you get the maximum chances of meeting the "right man", moreover, in a short time. Each step is described in great detail in the book: how to present yourself correctly and how to understand that in front of you is the one you need, guided by how he behaves and reacts to your behavior. There are graphs, maps and almost mathematical formulas convincing that the choice of a future spouse is an exact science, and any improvisation is fraught with.

You become more self-confident, and this sets you apart from other girls.

What will happen in reality. At first, on first dates, the positive effect of meeting several men at once will be noticeable: you become more self-confident, and this sets you apart from other girls. Sociological studies show that a man can be frightened off by feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, emanating from a woman.

But after the first date, the effectiveness of the "Plan" described in the book entirely depends on the goals you have set: if you are interested in a short-term easy affair, the "Plan" will come in handy, but if you are looking for a life partner - most likely, these tips will not help, even harm … Meeting several men at the same time, you will be overloaded with information and you will not know a single one properly. You will choose the one with whom it will be easy, fun, carefree, and you will not begin to think about true psycho-physiological compatibility.

It is difficult for a man who feels that you, besides him, are meeting with others, it is difficult to open up, to show your true self (by the way, maybe not the most attractive one). He will feel like he is in a competition. But when the race is over, it turns out that you don't really know this person, you can't say anything about his hopes, dreams and fears. And it is quite possible that a person closer to you in spirit and life goals will be less successful in this fight.

Output. It is perfectly acceptable to date several men in parallel at an early stage of communication, but after several meetings you will have to take risks and make a choice in favor of only one that you already liked more than others.

"He just doesn't like you: the whole truth about men" Greg Berendt and Liz Tuccillo

Motto: "Immediately go away from the one who does not like you"

The book "He Just Doesn't Like You: The Whole Truth About Men" was written by Greg Berendt in collaboration with Liz Tuccillo and can claim to be objective, because advice is given by a man, a heterosexual, who, moreover, has very successfully declared himself as one (the only male screenwriter) from the writers of the TV series "Sex and the City". The idea is simple: if you're not sure if he likes you, then … you don't. Fighting for his heart (and other organs) is pointless, it is better to leave the race and start a new search. And there is no need to wait for calls in vain all night long or invent excuses why he didn’t call and didn’t even write a text message. If a man is not indifferent to you, he will break into a cake in order to take strong positions in your heart, and will remain there no matter what, the authors of the book say.

What will happen in reality. We, women, really tend to get hung up on questions like "At first he liked me, what happened, where is he ?!" and look in yourself for the reason for its cooling. Such reflection leads to low self-esteem, a gradual loss of self-esteem. The authors advise, if possible, to abstract from your crush, to look soberly at the relationship, because because of your feelings, you may misjudge the situation. If, for example, you gave your phone number, and he did not call soon, remember the motto of the book and, without hesitation, go to search further.

Everything seems to be logical, if not for one "but": men have different characters, different temperaments. One after the first meeting will arrange a hunt for you and will not stop until he rings. Others need time to think things over, test their feelings, gain courage and make a confession. Therefore, the coldness of a man may mean that he does not like you, or maybe just the opposite! And try to figure it out here!

How to proceed in this case? The only thing that remains is to trust your inner self, this sensitive tuning fork, capable of intuitively predicting what a man's intentions are. Alas, there is no insurance against error here.

“Men love bitches. A Guide for Women Too Good”by Sherri Argov

Motto: "Build yourself hard to touch"

Sherri Argov, "relationship expert" and author of articles in popular women's magazines, has collected 100 tips, with the help of which, according to her assurances, even the most recent rag can be turned into "the girl of his dreams." And the girl of dreams, according to the author, is a bitch "on her own mind" and an inaccessible person. She is not hung around the neck of the first comer, but reveals herself to her boyfriends quietly, "dosed", appreciates her independence and does not allow "anything like that", possibly until the wedding itself and the signing of the marital contract. In general, he pretends to be touchy.

Our brains are designed in such a way that people like to learn a little something new about their partner.

What will happen in reality. Your shyness in the early stages of a relationship can look very romantic and allow a man to show his best knightly qualities. But when this pink fleur settles in the head of a new acquaintance - and this happens quite quickly in adults - the interest in the hard-to-reach will fade. Unless, of course, in the relationship you do not "throw wood" out of passionate carnal pleasures.

Another important piece of advice - to give information about yourself in a "dosed" manner - can really prolong attention to your person: our brain is designed in such a way that people like to learn a little something new about a partner, gradually discovering new facets of his talents.

And also about the need to have a "little secret and be self-sufficient": in 2011, one of the studies confirmed that potential partners show a more serious interest in a woman if they are not sure that she likes her. In general, Pushkin's "The less we love a woman, the easier she likes us" with men also works.

If in this game of "cat and mouse" you "outplayed" a little and look too unapproachable and independent, Sherri Argov gives a recipe for how to get out of such a hole that she dug for herself: she suggests "lowering your own abilities", becoming, figuratively, "Stupid fox".

Asking a man for help, even when you don't really need it, admiring how he helped you, looking weak and defenseless.

Do you read books about relationship psychology?

	Yes, it can be useful.
	No, I think it's better to listen to intuition.

According to many psychologists, in order to find the ideal man, you just need to listen carefully to the interlocutor and share your plans and thoughts with him. If you are interesting to him and you are interested in him, why wear a mask, play hard to get, and then still portray a "stupid fox"?

Lesson learned from the book. A little bit of mystery and healthy independence doesn't hurt. Dose information about yourself. But if you really like a man - do not play "stupid fox", be honest, show who you really are.